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How long did you wait, when did you go Home ed

(9 Posts)
Iwillnotbekeptdown Fri 20-Jan-17 14:10:40

My ds7 had a terrible time last sept moving into yr3, turns out there was bullying and some unsympathetic teachers, we've moved him a different smaller school to start after christmas but he hasn't yet attended, indeed he has become school phobic and is no i suppose a school refuser.

So currently making home as boring as possible to try and entice him to go. Yes that great fun in my world lots of "i'm bored" " why aren't you fun"

So I'm just wondering how long did you wait to go home school my instinct is to say 4 weeks then after half term I'm inclined to go home ed.


Velvetbee Fri 20-Jan-17 21:22:56

Why wait? Pull him out and start having fun. It seems to me you're wasting precious time together and also lying to him - home ed. isn't boring.

Jamhandprints Fri 20-Jan-17 21:30:49

If I could afford not to work I would love to do home ed. The school system is terrible these days. Nobody cares about children's best interest. It's just about targets and not getting sued.

itsstillgood Sat 21-Jan-17 04:33:18

Also a question of why wait? But I come from the position that I chose to home ed from the start. I have in all my years never heard a home ed parent say that they wish they had persevered longer with school, I have heard more than I can count say 'I wish we'd done it sooner'.
The sooner the spectre of school is removed the sooner your DS can start to heal and build up confidence. Home ed doesn't have to be forever but sounds like it is right for now.

lovelearning Sat 21-Jan-17 05:34:47

itsstillgood, may I ask why you chose home ed?

Saracen Sat 21-Jan-17 06:37:20

Like itsstillgood, I have home educated from the start. One of my children did try school for a few months in Y5 before coming out again.

I too have never, in all my years of home ed, heard a parent say they wish they had waited longer before removing an unhappy child from school. I often hear people say the opposite: that their biggest regret about HE is that they waited so long to try it.

What are your reasons for keeping your son registered at the new school? If he hasn't ever attended, then there are no friendships to be lost, no routines to be disrupted. If HE doesn't work out then you can always enrol him again there or at another school. It really sounds like school is not right for him at this moment and he needs at the very least to have some time out to recover from his bad experiences and regain his confidence.

When a child is in a continuous state of fear, he doesn't have much energy for learning. That was the case when your son was at school, and it's still the case now because you are trying to make him go to school and punishing him (with a boring environment) when he can't. Untie his bonds and set him free. Tell him he doesn't have to go to school. Tell him you will stop punishing him now, and that you will learn interesting things together, go out to visit places he likes, and play. Watch his reaction. You will know you've done the right thing.

If we're wrong (we aren't smile) and if you decide home education was a mistake, what will you have lost by trying it?

Iwillnotbekeptdown Sat 21-Jan-17 15:52:11

Pretty sound arguments, I suppose it's because I would prefer he was at school, I suppose because it would be easier but only if he would enjoy it. He's so full on about wanting to be with me all the time, wanting me to amuse him all the time, I can't breathe.
This is compounded by him having a sister who likes school but doesn't want to miss out on anything. If he's got it she wants one, if he goes somewhere she wants to go her favourite phrase being -it's not fair.
Plus Dh isn't really onboard I considers it a failure. Dh being academic I myself not so, so that is probably why I'm more open to it.
God I'd love some certainties and I know I can't have them.

itsstillgood Sat 21-Jan-17 18:26:44

I did 18 months training as a primary school teacher and I have real issues with the National Curriculum, particularly at primary level. I made the decision before having kids that they would not go to state primary.
DS1 chose to go to secondary, and not studying the NC before has never hindered him.

itsstillgood Sat 21-Jan-17 19:19:58

You may very well find that as your son starts to feel safer he is a lot less intense. You may well find it easier to cope too when you are not in a limbo situation.
There are lots of us balancing HE and school going children, look up Home ed/school families on Facebook it's a good place for support in negotiating sibling issues.
How open is your dh to discussing/researching HE, or giving it a go as a temporary measure for this academic year?
Is the school being supportive? I think just giving it 4 weeks to see if things get better will not work. Making home boring is not the answer, you will need the support of the school to address his fears. Is he under CAMHS?

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