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De registration 13 year old

(5 Posts)
MarthaSF321 Sun 15-Jan-17 20:29:15

I am thinking of deregistering my DD year 9 due to her anxiety and panic attacks in lessons.
My ex is against this - can he stop me?
My DD lives with me and sees him a few times a month. I have a residency order but we both have parental responsibility.
He is concerned about her not socialising enough if she comes out of school but I think if she stays in much longer her mental health will suffer. She's under camhs and being referred to early intervention for her symptoms which mostly happen at school.
It's all incredibly stressful and I don't think I can fight my ex as well.
Not sure what to do for the best..

Saracen Sun 15-Jan-17 22:42:02

IIRC you are supposed to consult him since he has PR, so it will definitely look bad if you unilaterally remove your dd from school without any discussion. Have you explained your reasons for wanting to HE, and what reasons has he given against it?

He can go to court to try to keep your dd at school, or return her to school if you take her out against his wishes. The usual advice is to try first to persuade the other parent. If you are unsuccessful then you'd have to consider whether he is likely to contest it in court, and make sure you have all your ducks in a row in case he does.

homeeddilemma Mon 16-Jan-17 23:01:37

This is really tricky for you and your DD. I agree with you that her mental health is paramount. My 14 year old DD suffers with anxiety and gets incredibly anxious about and in school. She was home educated until 6 and then been in and out of school since then.
She wants to go to school and is under CAMHS. She has an incredibly supportive SENCO in school.
If your ex was reasonable, then surely he would understand that DD is stressed and anxious in school, so is probably not enjoying the social side of it anyway.
Does he know about socialising within local home ed groups?
Has your daughter explained to him how she feels in school?
Your counsellor, or CAMHS may support your decision, which would help in persuading your ex.
My DD had private counselling in Y7 and by the end of the 12 week course, the counsellor totally agreed with us that she should come out of school, which she said she wouldn't have thought she would have done. But having listened to my DD talking about her panic attacks she thought it was the right decision.
I do hope your DD gets listened to by her Dad.

MarthaSF321 Tue 17-Jan-17 16:29:07

Thank you for your advice.
I'm not so worried about her socialising as she is very sociable with loads of friends from different aspects of her life, sports club, drama school etc. There seems to be quite a lot of home ed stuff going on around here for socialising. She doesn't really seem to have anyone round from school anymore, she has friends round that she's met doing other things. So I don't think its an issue.
My ex will never agree as he disagrees with everything I want to do on principle!
My DD is going to talk to him about it, but he's already told her he won't change his opinion.
I worry that if I take her out and it doesn't work out, or she doesn't get any better then I'll have made this massive decision and got it wrong.
It's all on my shoulders. I'm scared to make the decision, get judged by everyone and then have it not work.
I'm also concerned that we are giving into her and letting her have her own way and sort of run away from the problem IYSWIM and maybe she should be told to just get on with school and she has to go and that's it. To be fair she is a bit of a drama queen, and no one knows how much of her distress is genuine and how much is "if I make enough fuss I get to go home"
People have said that it will just store up problems for later when she has to deal with groups of people and stressful situations in work and life in general.
But then as her Mum how can I keep sending her when she's so disturbed and panicking about it.
I change my mind daily as to what's best!

homeeddilemma Tue 17-Jan-17 20:15:35

Most adults have no idea how stressful school is for some kids.
It's so difficult that your ex disagrees with you on principle, because he's taking it out on your DD.
I would go with your instinct and not consider she is putting it on my Why would she do that?
Also ignore the doom and gloomers. What do they know about you and your DD.
Panic attacks are really frightening and your DD needs to feel listened to.
In the meantime does her school have a nurturing/pastoral centre that she can go to? My DD has a pass that can be shown to any teacher if she starts to feel panicky or stressed. She doesn't use it much right now, but feels better knowing it's there.

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