Home education or school!!!

[Kirstyb23]

Advice needed...happy New year to everyone. My son is 8 years old and currently in school. I home educAte my eldest son who is 12 who is very happy and will probably not go back to school. My 8 yr old used to be home educated but a year ago he decided he wanted to go bk to school. He wanted to be with his friend's and loved learning. Now he is not enjoying school...he is always getting into trouble for talking and getting distracted because he is bored. He loves to chat and play and has alot of energy. His desire to want to learn has gone and is losing respect for his teachers. He says he hates going and it's making him miserable. He is very creative and sporty and does not get to do this kind of thing at school so i feel he is not able to be who he wants to be. My problem is this is, when he was home educated before he got bored and didn't make any friends. He gets bored very easily and I struggled to fulfill his needs. I cannot promise him he will be able to keep in touch with his school friends if he leaves as unfortunately he lost friends before when he left school. He loved having Xmas off and now the thought of him going back is making him miserable. I have given the choice to him but am I right in doing that. I dnt want to pull him out for him to miss all the interaction he gets. Any advice welcome. I am very torn and stressed about what to do.

[Saracen]

Hi Kirsty, that does sound like a tough decision. How long was your son home educated last time? Sometimes there are teething problems settling into home ed which may resolve themselves given enough time - for example, some children take a while to adapt from a school setting in which they are told very specifically what to do and how to do it throughout the day to a HE setting in which they typically make more decisions. But some HE problems don't automatically go away and may require a new approach or may even make HE the wrong choice.

Can you say more about the boredom which your son experiences at school and at home? In what situations does he say he is bored? When is he not bored? What did you try before? Have you discussed the problem with his teachers - is there anything which works for them?

What are the obstacles to your son making friends while being home educated? What opportunities did he have for making friends or seeing existing friends last time he was out of school?

[Kirstyb23]

Hi there. Thankyou for your reply. Yes i have spoken to the school but they just want him to obey all the time but I'm very concerned as his character and behaviour is changing. When he was home educated before it was for a year and he was 6. I involved him in park meet ups and he joined in with workshops such as trampolining and Spanish. Both he talked with other children but didn't build up friendships. I used to meet up with other mums with children of a similar age but the children had different interests and my son didn't seem keen. I felt exhausted trying to go to places so he could socialise but felt guilty he didn't have friends as he is so sociable. He gets bored now and then. But every now and then he will go and play Lego or get the art and craft stuff out. This is where his Interests lie.

[FionaJNicholson]

Hi, it sounds like he prefers what he hasn't currently got and if you take him out he might want to go back in after a while. Would it be possible to get him back into school later, ie do you know if his year group is full?

I should add that I also think (controversially!) that you are allowed to put your foot down when/if the yo-yoing gets to be a problem for you, because although he might be the one who "chooses", he doesn't get an entitlement from his choice, it's you who actually has to make it happen.

[ommmward]

What's going on locally for home educators?

Things like trampolining and Spanish might not be great for making friends, because everyone is concentrating on the trampolining and the Spanish, if you see what I mean.

We've made friends through:

• regular weekly meet up with roughly the same families each time. Are there any local groups to you that meet up every week? Can you get word around like minded families (I guess you know some through the 12 year old?) to see if there might be a gang of 6 or 7 families who'd like to take over a community hall once a week to do activities together? Having the encounters being routine and every week, with opportunities for mixing with different children in a supported environment, really helps friendships form.
  
• I've come across people almost treating local facebook groups like a dating agency for their children - it's wonderful e.g. "I have a six year old girl, crazy about Moshi monsters and Pokemon Go, looking for a friend to look for Pokemons with" and then 2 or 3 other parents will leap onto the conversation and they'll start setting up playdates for their children. One of my children met one of their closest friends when I spotted the friend's Mum posting about her child's interests, and she could just as easily have been posting about my child! :-D
  

I'd almost say, if you're going to go for it and home ed him, have a plan for building up the social side, and for supporting him in making and sustaining friendships. Just as important as the academic side.

[Kirstyb23]

If i I decided to pull him out then i probably wouldn't put him back into there due to how they restrict him and I feel I would be taking a step backwards. Looking at another school may be a option i suppose. He feels torn as he keeps saying I want to leave but I want to be with my friends too. I am totally stressing over this way too much but I i dnt like seeing him miserable. I am dreading Thursday when he has to go back.

[BertrandRussell]

When you say the school "restricts him" what do you mean?

How is your older one managing for friends?

[itsstillgood]

If you would rather HE (and it sounds like you would) I would start by looking at what is available locally for home educators. How many people do you know with similar age children? What extra curricula stuff does he do? I don't see us as social butterflies but we have to make an effort to have a day in every week as there are so many local activities plus people we see away from groups. I would be trying to think about how HE might work in future.

[Kirstyb23]

Restricts him in the sense that he cant Say what he wants to Say, Do creative things he wants to Do, play when he wants to play, Say his opinions etc. I just dnt agree with the whole school way is not allowing kids to be kids. My eldest has made a few close friends and only goes to two or three groups and that's enough for him. He does not like big groups and is happy to the odd meet up. But my youngest would want to be with people everyday I think. Complete opposite.

[BarbarianMum]

If you want him to set his own "curriculum " and timetable he will have to be homeschooled - end of. So maybe look at how you can promote home school friendships.

[Elm555tree]

Hi Kirsty, you seem to be having the same dilemma I am having my son is 8 in a week time and is bright but gets distracted easily at school and likes to chat too much for a classroom environment so he gets told off quite a lot and is struggling with some school rules, eg he kneels on the carpet instead of sitting cross legged personally I don't think this is a big issue and it frustrates him as silly little things are seen as bad behaviour so he has lost all respect for his teacher and is now arguing back.he is unhappy with school but like playtime with his friends.i am thinking of de registering him at the end of the year as I think a Taylored education would be best for him but am worried about friendships,he makes temporary friends and parks and events easily but it's not a lasting friendship my friends children are only into computer games and although he doesn't mind playing them he tires of them quickly he is more creative into art logo and loves sculpting with clay and plasticine so we don't come across many boys his age with same interests it's a very tricky decision.freinds are important.