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My dd1 is starting school tomorrow and I don't want her to go.

(10 Posts)
Boobyroof Sun 04-Sep-16 18:17:02

I need to get this off my chest. I am embarrassingly sitting in the kitchen and having a cry. I don't want my dd1 to see me upset. She is due to start school tomorrow and is very excited about it. A year ago I realised that thinking of my dd1 going school was quite frightening to me. She was attending 3 mornings at a fab preschool and although I missed her it was a fairly short time, we still did so much together and I could see how much she loved going. I started looking into home schooling and got quite excited about it. I found resistance with my pil and my husband was concerned, but would not rule it out. I mentioned this to my DD, but she didn't really appreciate what I meant. Before I knew it the preschool were preparing her for school, and suddenly it felt out of my hands, she was primed and excited to go. I felt it would unfair to stop this when she wants it and selfish as it would be for me. Now it is tomorrow and I feel internally distraught over it. My Dd1 will do fantastically at school I am sure. It is me that is not ready. I'm posting for hopefully a bit of sympathy and a gentle talking to as I feel embarrassed telling my friends who are all happy about their children going. I am aware that this is my problem and not my daughters. When I see reasons for people homeschooling it seems it is never just because of the parents needs. Just for information, I do most of the childcare, my husband works and lives abroad and I also have a demanding DD2 nearly 2.

mahadams2 Sun 04-Sep-16 18:43:15

I was exactly the same with both my children & know exactly how you feel!! I still get anxious & would rather not take them but like you said, its our issue as parents & not the children issue. If homeschooling is not an option then make sure you communication with your children teacher. Building a positive & supporting relationship with the teacher can make you feel at ease & will be beneficial in the long run. This also makes it easier to talk to the teacher about any issues,thoughts or worries. Hope this helps. I now have a placement in my childrens school which i love as i can see them through the day 😀

Boobyroof Sun 04-Sep-16 19:00:51

Thanks for responding. I've calmed down a little. I do feel silly over this. I will try and keep the lines of communication open. I have told her teacher a little about my worries. I would consider flexi schooling, but I don't know if my school would consider this or if it's for the best. Another reason I was keen was so we were not bound by the term times for time off. With my husband away, we wake leave when he can get it.

mahadams2 Sun 04-Sep-16 19:14:46

Ask the school if flexi schooling is something they consider, worse case scenario is they say no. Its important to be happy with where & what your child is doing so keep option in mind i.e. home school. Its becomming more & more popular! Dont feel silly, your a parent & your child is your world so any concerns you have should be take seriously

ommmward Sun 04-Sep-16 19:55:35

Remember that she does not have to be in full time education (at home or otherwise) until the term after her fifth birthday. Schools don't advertise it much, because it makes life easier for them if everyone is in full time, but there is nothing to stop you sending her in part time until she has to be in full time education.

Definitely worth being armed with that knowledge when you talk with the school about flexi schooling - you can present it more as "we definitely intend to flexischool until she reaches compulsory educational age. Can we work out what would work for both us and the school? And can we continue to flexischool after she reaches compulsory education age?"

And you are in a wonderful position: if your child thrives in school (Because some children really are school shaped) then you can delight in her enjoyment. But if she is miserable there once the reality sets in, then you already know you can hoick her out. Best of all worlds.

Boobyroof Sun 04-Sep-16 20:53:53

Thank you for that advice. I think I'm also feeling so bad because suddenly everything feels out of my control. I'll definately look at the flexi school route. I know I have been so lucky, I've had nearly 5 years of full time fun with her, we are very close, we all still cosleep. I have loved having the flexibility to decide each day, what will we do today?! I'm sad that most of the day will be under someone else's control. My anxiety is creeping in now sad I also know
I am lucky to have the option to homeschool.

PixieMiss Mon 05-Sep-16 16:06:28

How was it booby?

I hope today wasn't too rough for you flowers

Boobyroof Mon 05-Sep-16 21:21:27

Well last night when I got dds to bed I had a big cry downstairs to get it all out! Today I had a few lumps I swallowed down, but she didn't notice. She loved it! I feel better knowing there are options. That we can keep her part time if need be. Already facing issues with my husbands job and term hours. He isn't allowed October half term week off so don't know when we will see him. Very difficult being so restricted.
Thanks for your thoughts smile

Saracen Tue 06-Sep-16 21:47:12

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better knowing there are options open to you.

In the short run, you can still take your daughter out of school during term-time until she reaches compulsory school age in the term after her fifth birthday, so she can see her dad sometime this autumn if he can get the time off work. Some schools do get huffy about it but you aren't yet subject to truancy laws so you may as well make use of that fact IMO. Given that Reception is meant to be laid-back learning through play and that you could have deferred her start altogether, it seems odd to regard a week off seeing her father as doing more harm than good.

Cupcakesandscones Thu 08-Sep-16 12:26:15

Boobyroof, just wanted to say that you are not silly! I am in a very similar situation with my DC. I have spent much of the past year planning to H.S my DC, but our circumstances dramatically changed in that my partner moves away next month (job transfer) and it means I now have no childcare for work. I also have a newborn baby. So the only comprise I could see for my 5 year old is flexi-schooling through the Reception Class attached to his preschool. We have agreed x3 full days per week with the school.

Yesterday I was heartbroken sending him off for his first half day, but I had been reassured by the Head that it's all play based! Anyhow, when I collected DC, he appeared very happy, but then fast forward x 2 hrs and I noticed a long scratch on his leg - he told me a boy (his friend) had pushed him over and then as punishment, the teacher hit the boy!!!! I am now pretty damn frantic trying to work out what to do. Today, when I dropped him off at 8.50am, I was confronted by Yr 1 (they share the same classroom) sitting at a table writing (so much for play based) and miserable looking little kids. I am desperate to pull him out, but am stuck for arranging childcare for a 5 year old - we live in a fairly rural community with no family and few friends here!

I suspect there are many parents in a similar situation. Our state educational system is totally broken!

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