I'm going to paste what my husband's written about this:
Tomorrow, for the first time in the 12 years I have been a father, despite all my best efforts, I have absolutely no control over what is going to happen to my son T. Despite stating clearly to his secondary school that I disagree with their intended action, he will spend the day excluded from his lessons, taught in isolation in something called “Internal Exclusion". This is a very strange and upsetting feeling, which I feel the need to unpack in writing…..
On Friday 7th November at 3pm my wife received a call from T’s Head of House, saying he had been sent out of class for making "homophobic comments" which had seriously offended his teacher. I immediately went into the School to meet with the Head of House, where I learnt that at the end of an English class on Advertising, the teacher had said “I’ll give £200 to anyone who can tell me my current favourite advert”. Amongst the resulting fracas, where comments like “Condoms”, “Dildos”, “Tampax” were shouted out, my son piped up with “Gay Pride”. The room went silent as the teacher stated “I find that offensive” and sent him from the room.
In my meeting that afternoon, I was told T had apologised to the teacher immediately after the incident, but that the teacher was “Not ready to hear the apology yet”, had asked for the Head of House to take over, and did not want to meet with T to discuss it further, although it was acknowledged the Head of House this would need to occur at some point. I was informed that whilst expulsion from school was an option here, T would only be “Internally Excluded” from school as a punishment for his “error of judgement", which meant he would spend a day working separately from his class in a designated detention block.
Over the weekend, my wife and I fretted over what had happened, and discussed it with T, friends, and various educational specialists I know (I am the Education Manager of an FE/HE college), one who is also gay, has a civil partner, and a son just beginning secondary school. We rapidly realised how wrong the label given to the incident actually was. A “Homophobic Comment” is a very serious accusation that implies malicious intent, and having spoken to my son it was clear he had no idea he would offend the teacher. For T and his peer group, homosexuality is completely accepted as a norm to be discussed along with all other issues of sexuality. We felt this complete lack of prejudice was something to be cherished and dealt with very, very carefully. On further discussion with T, we discovered it was common knowledge that his english teacher is gay, as he’d appeared in an article in a local newspaper where he was photographed with his ‘partner'. The important thing here is that none of T’s peers even bat an eyelid at this – it is completely accepted as the norm. Therefore to mention “Gay Pride”, admittedly to get a laugh, can be seen as an acknowledgement of this normality. My two closest friends have Civil Partners, and they stay with us regularly (often for Gay Pride) – and have been an everyday part of T’s life since he was born. For T then, to mention “Gay Pride” would certainly not be something with any of the connotations of “homophobic".
Yesterday morning I received an email from the school saying "T was logged on the school's information management system for abusive comments relating to sexual orientation", and wrote to the school to express my concerns, pointing out that T was mortified by what had happened (I had never seen him so shaken and upset as he was on Friday after school, he literally dissolved in my arms when I picked him up), and ask that further discussion take place between all parties involved. I stated clearly that any talk of exclusion, either internal or external, was far too strong a reaction. Indeed the next step educationally should be the exact opposite - an inclusive discussion of the issues raised by what happened in the class room on Friday. This should happen before any decision was taken about further action let alone punishment.
I also pointed out our concerned at the scenario surrounding the incident. After the teacher posed his question, what followed was an excited group of 12 year olds shouting out comments all at the same time, where they had been encouraged to make a judgement about a teacher’s personal tastes and preferences. We felt this was an error of judgement on the teachers behalf, as in such a scenario, it’s not hard to predict that the suggestions shouted from a class of children about to become teenagers, might be close to the edge of acceptability, and that T without any malicious intent, had stepped over this edge.
This morning we met with both the Head Teacher, and the Head of House (we were told the teacher concerned was still too upset to meet with us, although I had requested this. This is so sad, and I genuinely feel for him, but professionally this is a worry). The main points we made were:
• To call T’s comments Homophobic was a misjudgement
• The Schools response, along with that of the teacher, was now part of the problem, not part of any solution to the bigger issues.
• The main “error of judgement” T had made was not realising the extent to which his teacher was uncomfortable with his sexuality.
• The school needed to consider the effect this over reaction might have on other children’s issues around their sexuality.
Above all, we were very clear that we did not accept the schools decision to exclude T from his classes.
In this meeting, the head teacher informed us that following advice from the schools Police Liaison officer, that “Legally” a comment was labeled as homophobic if the person hearing it took offence. I do find this concept questionable and have contacted the PC concerned to find out if this is indeed the case. The upshot of this piece of advice is that the school has to act upon the reaction of the teacher to a situation which could easily have been completely different if he had not invited personal comments, or reacted to them with the wisdom and emotional intelligence which is a pre-requisite of a a teacher-student relationship.
The meeting ended very unsatisfactorily, with the Head stating repeatedly “We’ll have to agree to disagree on this”. We were then emailed to say the external exclusion would take place tomorrow, to followed by a “restorative meeting” between T and the Teacher, to which we responded that whilst happy to hear the teacher had agreed to a meeting, we “do not consent to T’s Internal Exclusion taking place tomorrow. We are seeking clarity and advise on how best to progress with this so ask to reconvene once we’ve had a chance to do so.” Once again we requested to meet with the teacher concerned. The schools response was simply: "the internal exclusion will still stand tomorrow as this is the appropriate sanction for this incident”
So here I am, typing out my frustration that despite what seems to me (and those I have spoken with) a very clear over reaction by the school, and we once again seem powerless to get our opinions heard in the face of bureaucratic procedure. It seems to me the school is putting the needs of the teacher above the emotional, educational and even physical needs of my son - they completely avoided engaging with us when we referred to T’s recent serious illness, where stress was one of the causes cited by his consultant. The next stage is official complaint to the Governors but I fully expect they will stand by their Head Teacher.
At least T seems resigned and prepared for his Internal Exclusion tomorrow, indeed he is intrigued by what it actually involves (as it occurs in the building of Myth within his peer group) - but his Dad can’t understand how he has absolutely no say in any of this. This can’t be right surely?
Let it go. I can see where some of the stress in his life comes from...
. Talk about ott.