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if you have an only child and home ed.....

(8 Posts)
LetZygonsbeZygons Thu 20-Mar-14 18:44:33

do you ever get accused of isolating them?

Apart from the fact its none of their bloody business as they don't know my child, or if they do theyd know her problems but they make me feel like I should change her name to Boo Radley FFS.

DCs disabled and special needs learning. she also when she was at school (for 6 years) kept herself to herself or only played with her support teacher. she didn't like the noise and bustle of groups of children.

she sees one or 2 friends every weekend and holidays etc. she doesn't want or can cope in other groups (swimming etc) and believe me ive tried.

why do I feel I have to explain myself and defend myself to everyone and still come out like a bad mother?

and if she doesn't want to see anyone which happens sometimes im not going to force her am I ?

FFS im made to feel like shes got to be a social butterfly 24/7.

I don't put blinkers on her when we go out, she does see and interact with people.

does anyone else get this?
only since ive He'd do I get these comments. the fact she was her own company at school didn't seem to bother anyone!

FavadiCacao Thu 20-Mar-14 19:07:30

Socialising/lack of is the default response to HE, whether one HE's one or more children. Ds had not one single friend in school, interacted minimally with anyone and was constantly taunted and bullied. Yet, years later- despite the multiple activities (HE and others), sports (some team!), clubs and one to one friends over/sleepovers-I still get asked when does it get the chance to socialise, make friends and be with his friend! <rolls eyes> grin

It's frustrating at times but I stopped caring what other people think; I've learnt not to rise to the bait. I just respond ''I see why you might think that but it's simply not the case''. (It took ds a couple of years before he was happy to go to groups; we just had children over or went to visit friends.)

LetZygonsbeZygons Thu 20-Mar-14 19:16:15

thanks for replying. your child sounds exactly like mine.

still alive and happy though!

yes I feel like saying now

''oh I keep her locked in chains in the basement with only bread and water and she never sees the sunlight''.

she has a friend sometimes for sleepovers but never goes to hers as she has needs only I can see to.

FavadiCacao Thu 20-Mar-14 19:46:14

''oh I keep her locked in chains in the basement with only bread and water and she never sees the sunlight''. lol
Some people might just believe that!

Children grow at different rates to each other and in different areas of development: mine was a late bloomer in the social department(and other areas)! grin
He too could not cope with big noisy places. Our local leisure centre offered a SEN club twice a month, where for a minimal fee we had the use of trampoline, badmington court, bouncing castle and the swimming pool. We used to get on the dot of opening time to use the big hall (at its quietest) and then we went swimming into an empty swimming pool (it coincided with tea-time). These outings taught him that groups and big places were not always noisy, busy and scary. Now, I can't keep him at home!

streakybacon Fri 21-Mar-14 07:12:30

These days I just smile cheerily and say "You do know that's a myth, don't you? Most of the people I know struggle to find time for actual work, because they're out and about socialising so much" - people are usually surprised, a bit impressed, and I often see a touch of jealousy in there too wink.

My son has SN too (ASD/ADHD) and socialising is very much on his terms. He has few 'friends' in the usual context, because he doesn't do 1-1 chatter very well. He prefers group meets so he's more comfortable at martial arts club, drama, youth groups and will play Xbox online, but he doesn't hang out in a conventional sense. This is something that people with typical children don't get. But ds IS socialising in a way that's appropriate for him and he interacts well with people that he meets. That's enough for me smile.

LetZygonsbeZygons Sat 22-Mar-14 10:50:22

had it again this morning!

I just replied 'have you ever read To kill a mockingbird?''

they said yes. so I said ''Boo Radley!'' and walked away!

They know me well enough that DC is NOT Boo Radley!

morethanpotatoprints Tue 25-Mar-14 14:21:42

I would tell them to mind their own business tbh.
It is the default response though.
FWIW we have a very sociable child who does lots of activities, and several good friends.
I tell people this and its like they haven't listened, they still harp on about dd not having kids to play with. grin

LetZygonsbeZygons Tue 25-Mar-14 17:04:30

I will from now on More. thanks.

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