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helping ds to handle questions/assumptions about HE

(7 Posts)
NumptyNameChange Sat 22-Feb-14 16:03:37

as the title says really.

he had a nice couple of days playing with his friend up the road who was off for half term. we talk him out for walks in the field and let him in the house to mess about on the piano and minecraft and stuff.

however yesterday he came home saying, 'x asked me loads of questions and he said i'll never get a job' (presumably this comes from the mother as i doubt a child would think of it).

wondering how others have equipped their children to deal with people's questions and comments.

i'm inclined to give him skills to make them stop going on about it rather than rehearsed answers itms.

he loves not being at school anymore and being with me and learning our way btw - just want to help him deal with other people's attitudes.

morethanpotatoprints Sat 22-Feb-14 16:11:38

Hello Numpty

It is a difficult one because if you teach them to say how well they are doing, it looks like you are being detrimental to school which isn't always the case.
Lots of people assume my dd was unhappy in school or she was being bullied etc.
There are a lot of assumptions about H.ed, some are understandable others are just stupidity, like not being able to get a job.
perhaps ask your ds what he would like to do when he is older so at least if asked he can say I'm going to do x or be a ......
This is my dds default answer to any question she is asked about H.ed
It really does work for her, maybe worth a try? Sorry, haven't any more suggestions.

bebanjo Sat 22-Feb-14 19:05:52

I get fed up with random folk giving DD an impromptu quiz when they find out she is home educated.
I just remind DD of all the things she knows and can do that school children twice her age have not covered.
DD is very good at knowing and saying " no one knows more than anyone else, they just know different things."
I even remind DD that she knows a lot more about playing than adults do, couse we have forgotten it.

NumptyNameChange Sat 22-Feb-14 19:30:21

doesn't sound like anyone has come up with an easy answer.

wish people didn't feel the need to interrogate kids ffs. fair enough take your defensiveness or insecurity out on me - but not on a kid.

Saracen Sat 22-Feb-14 19:53:52

My older daughter learned to deal with these questions mainly through overhearing my responses and conversations, and those of other HE parents we know. For a long time she was uncomfortable with this sort of thing, but eventually she became confident. It is a fairly advanced skill though, and it takes most children some time to find their own approach to being questioned.

Being in contact with other HE families has been very useful for both of us in that many questions are answered adequately by, "Well, I know lots of HE kids and that doesn't seem to be a problem for them." For example, my dd would have been able to point out that many of her older friends and her friends' older siblings have landed good jobs following home education.

BTW I wouldn't assume that the child's mum has been saying negative things about home education. It's at least as likely that the boy reached his own conclusions about home education based on the pro-school propaganda ideas to which his parents or others have exposed him. Example:

Schoolchild: Why do I have to go to school?
Parent: So you can get an education and grow up to get a good job.

Child concludes that without school people can't get good jobs. This may be what the parent was unthinkingly implying, with no disrespect intended toward HE, but simply not thinking of HE at all. Or it may be that what the parent actually meant was, "We are choosing to send you to school because that is the type of education we prefer for you, though other parents might educate their children in other equally good ways. Given that you are being educated at school, you have to attend in order to get the education. You need an education to get a job."

morethanpotatoprints Sat 22-Feb-14 20:03:49

I think once again Saracen is able to explain it far better grin
It is quite a good way of looking at it as after all school is the natural default for most parents choice of education.
To do something else is courageous and people are interested in why you choose to do things differently to others, even though to us H.ed is the norm.

Most people are nice to us, except for my friends son who was quite hostile towards dd when we first started. He told her she would have to have educational books and boring toys for xmas rather than fun things, to which she replied "aren't most toys educational"?

Now I find most people ask because they are interested, sometimes an older person will tutt, but its usually followed by a comment like, are schools off again, or is it another holiday grin

Liara Sat 22-Feb-14 20:25:02

When questioned, DS1 normally answers quite cheerfully and in his own way - it never seems to bother him that people are so curious. If someone said he'd never get a job he'd probably laugh or say 'that's OK, I wouldn't want to work for anyone else' (big culture of self employment in my family!)

In the end, it comes down to the fact that he is really happy to be home schooled, and is very confident with it - but then from the beginning he was told that he was very lucky to be able to have parents who could afford to home school him, and that most people do not have any choice other than to send their dc to school so they can go out to work.

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