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How do you split HE between yourself and partner

(5 Posts)
MrsTruper Wed 19-Feb-14 17:24:59

I do all the HE (one dd) and am the chauffeur for all my dd's activities. My partner is working from home full time, but had agreed when we deregistered to spend time with dd every day either reading/ drawing/ woodwork, ICT (i.e. complementary things to what I am doing).

BUT....he hardly ever does it unless I hassle him / remind him and it's driving me crazy because I only started HE thinking that he would help me an hour a day just to give me a break and do complementary things with dd...

Just wonderinmg how everyone else splits the HE?

MrsTruper Wed 19-Feb-14 17:27:23

may I add that he can cut down on his work quite easily as we can afford to, but he just seems to work and work because, well...he has only ever known that!

ommmward Wed 19-Feb-14 18:40:18

Can you present it in a cheerful, non accusatory and matter of fact manner? "Now we've been HEing for a while, I'd like to establish a routine for me getting a bit of me time and you taking on some of the aspects of HE that you were planning. Next week, how about if I go out each day for an hour from 10-11am while you two start to get your rhythm established?"

You may be walking around in the rain for an hour, or just go and have a coffee somewhere, but after it has become standard routine, then you can probably afford to be in the house in a different room while he's in charge.

I think it's really common with family set ups to have something that works for everyone and that gradually segues into NOT working for one or two of the people involved, and it takes a gentle but frank conversation to move the goalposts and try something new.

morethanpotatoprints Wed 19-Feb-14 18:48:31

Hello OP.

Both me and dh share H.ed and usually we do the things with dd that are our particular strengths.
So in our case music is a huge part and dh does this because he's very strong here. I do all the humanities and some English, listen to her read etc.
When I have had enough I stop and ask him to continue if he isn't working. (people book his time) so he can't just stop work. If he is busy I leave what I can't manage until he is free or another day.
I mainly take dd to rehearsals but dh takes us all to concerts.
It's a good mix really, although there are times when I have to remind him to do certain things.
Just remind him what you both agreed at the out set and as things change reassess. This helped us

Liara Sat 22-Feb-14 20:28:47

Dh does most of it, including all the formal teaching.

I sometimes watch lectures with them, or we do an art project together, or something like that.

It is hard to get a word in edgeways when you are not the one doing the main thing. What works best for us (when we can stick to it!) is to have one or two days a week that are my responsibility. It works out partly as a day off for the dc (I am very unstructured disorganised), partly as a creative/relaxed activity day, partly as a break for dh.

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