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Not got a concrete "reason" to try HE

(62 Posts)
daisychain76 Thu 23-Jan-14 13:45:26

Hello everyone, I am seriously considering HE (have met HE families locally, on local web groups). I have found quite a few families have gone down the HE route because their children were very unhappy at school or there was no suitable place at school for them. My dcs are actually quite happy at school, ups and downs but nothing major. I just feel HE would give us a lot more quality time together, plenty of opportunities for field trips and so on, which we just don't get in the school routine. I know it will be very hard work, but just feel it could be incredible fun and very rewarding too. I am just wondering if anyone else has done if for this reason as friends I have spoken to clearly think I am being a bit daft rocking the boat (and perhaps a bit selfish?!). Thanks!

Wackymummy Wed 16-Jul-14 03:27:08

People home ed for a myriad of reasons. Home ed is as diverse as the families doing it smile Mike from Home Education UK did a straw poll recently which you may find useful? smile

maggi Mon 16-Jun-14 16:09:34

I'm in a quandry now about choosing HE. ds1 is HE, needed it and thrives with it. ds2 wants to do secondary school to access all their science equipment.
But ds2 is gifted in maths and the junior school has actually suggested I should HE him because they don't feel he will be challenged in secondary school and will begin acting up. On the other hand I don't think I would have time to work as a childminder and help ds1 do his GCSEs and also take on ds2(unless we went fully automonous). ds1 and ds2 also fight quite a bit when they have constant contact with each other.
So now I'm being selfish but not wanting to reduce work to fit in ds2 as well. I'm avoiding conflict by not HEing ds2 because dh will probably be very negative about it and I don't want to get in a fight over it. I'm following society norms and choosing school. I'm resisting telling ds2 that all that exciting science equipment will be locked away and he will have very limited usage of it anyway. I'm worrying that ds2 will lose his love of maths......maybe. Anyway, he is going to secondary school to see whether it works for him.
In all big decisions there has to be some selfishness because our needs(wants) do come into the equation too.

TickTock123 Mon 16-Jun-14 02:05:23

I think your children are happy now at school, because that is all they know how to be , as being happy but later they will be stressed and much more happier and less stress being taught at home, doing things that they like and enjoy,if they are clever and bright intelligent kids, IMO, then this will shrine through and be even better at learning at their own pace, with family values, at stake

EauRouge Fri 31-Jan-14 14:26:15

We don't spend very much either. DD1 goes to ballet and Rainbows, but most school children would do that sort of thing anyway. We go to the local library for books and print a lot of free worksheets and whatnot off the internet. You can get a lot of good deals on things if you know where to look; a National Trust home educator membership is only about £30 and you can get into English Heritage places for free if you fill in a form a couple of weeks in advance.

morethanpotatoprints Fri 31-Jan-14 14:18:14


We too have one parent working and low income. I have been a sahm for 20+ years. I know what you mean about living within the bounds of one income.
I guess at least we can take the benefit of a cheaper holiday in term time, if we save enough grin
I did mean to save all the costs associated with school, but haven't. I'm sure uniform, school dinners, trips, charity days, special days/celebrations, would have added up by now.
Dh has a small business and is at home a lot, he shares the day to day stuff with me, so she gets different input.
I know, she is very lucky, people tell us this all the time.

EauRouge Fri 31-Jan-14 10:17:58

It does depend on the age. I think if they are pre-schoolers then it's really hard because they get bombarded with questions from random strangers asking them if they're looking forward to school. They end up seeing it as an inevitability rather than one possible option.

Nigglenaggle Fri 31-Jan-14 09:46:31

Hehe. Mine are too young to ask at present. But I'm already steeling myself for the same reaction!

TamerB Fri 31-Jan-14 09:43:30

I haven't an argument except that I think the child is central and their opinion comes first. I missed the fact that OP has asked.
I did actually ask mine because a close friend does it - and they shuddered with horror!

Nigglenaggle Fri 31-Jan-14 09:41:42

I just find it hard to separate my desire to do what's best for me, which is home ed in my case, with what's really best for the kids. I guess we all do.

Nigglenaggle Fri 31-Jan-14 09:40:00

Yes, I think we are lucky. But we live in a fairly deprived area - I know what poor is. And lots of people who are have a parent at home (childcare in the school holidays can be costly otherwise, if you don't have family close). Your second post hits the nail on the head I think. It's hard if both parents are ambitious, to give it all up for your children. But I don't think anyone here is criticising the choices you have made for your family, whatever they are (although I guess not home ed!). Shall we be friends?

curlew Fri 31-Jan-14 09:36:51

"but given that barely anybody asks their children if they want to go to school why is it such a crime the other way round?"

It's not a crime. And I am on record as saying that many people should think much more about the whole process of educating their children.

But the fat remains that if you are thinking of doing something in a way which is different from the way most people do it, it's a good idea to think even harder. And you are making a decision which impacts hugely on somebody else's life. So they should be involved in that decision as fully as they possibly can be.

TamerB Fri 31-Jan-14 09:30:27

Not everyone is the same, some are very ambitious in the workplace.

TamerB Fri 31-Jan-14 09:28:41

You are jolly lucky then Niggle, there must be lots of people who would love to be in your position and just cut back.
You also need to think of pension provision if you are cutting right back like that.

Nigglenaggle Fri 31-Jan-14 09:02:02

I respectfully disagree that home ed is a luxury most can't afford. It would mean DH never goes back to work full time, it will mean our purse strings will remain pretty tight and we will have to give up some luxuries yes, but we can afford it, and we are far from rich. I guess we always planned for DH to work part time and bring up the kids so we've lived within the bounds of one income as far as housing, cars etc goes, and maybe others have more debt. So probably it's harder for some than others, but I genuinely believe that it's possible for most, if you really really want to do it. I know plenty of people worse off than us too, who have one parent stay at home.

Nigglenaggle Fri 31-Jan-14 08:52:12

Guys she clearly said in her last post that she had asked them, did you even read it? Please stop bickering.

TamerB Fri 31-Jan-14 08:21:53

Because most people can't ask their children if they want to stay at home. Most families have both parents working and not for extras- just to live. Have you not noticed that there are families who can't even provide that and use food banks?
HE is a luxury most can't afford. You don't ask your child if they want to go to Florida and then say 'it has to be a tent in the New Forest'. If it can be Florida it might be nice to ask them ,if they are over a certain age.
Education is more important than a holiday and children have opinions if people bother to ask them!

BigBoPeep Fri 31-Jan-14 08:05:33

but given that barely anybody asks their children if they want to go to school why is it such a crime the other way round? hmm

TamerB Thu 30-Jan-14 22:10:00

The harm in giving it a go is that she hasn't asked them in the first place!

morethanpotatoprints Thu 30-Jan-14 20:14:19

I agree with Niggle

What harm is there in giving it a go, it might be the best thing you ever do. If not, they can always go back to school again.

Nigglenaggle Thu 30-Jan-14 19:54:06

I guess what you could do, Daisy, is home ed for a year with the option for them to go back to school after if they want??? I have been thinking an option for us if they ask to go to school would be the opposite - let them go for a term or a year and make a more permanent decision after that.

BigBoPeep Wed 29-Jan-14 22:46:58

I am staying on topic thanks curlew, it was suggested that the OP talk to her children to avoid potentially being selfish. My point is that it is no more selfish than sending them to school without consultation which is what happens the VAST majority of the time.

morethanpotatoprints Wed 29-Jan-14 21:03:45


Not trying to boast but an example of enriching their learning.

My dd sings in a famous choir, she lives for the concerts and other work associated with it.
There is no way she could have done this had she still been in school and the opportunity to do this is a complete dream come true for dd.
This is only one example of the freedom she has found since H.ed.
She knows she is lucky to have the chances she has and works hard, showing huge commitment.
If we have to make sacrifices as parents to support this then so be it, what else are parents supposed to do?

morethanpotatoprints Wed 29-Jan-14 20:57:14

I don't think it is necessary to talk to your children until you know its a viable course of action anyway. Why rock the boat if you and your partner decide against it.
We talked it over for a long time before realising it was a possibility and then we involved dd when we knew enough to answer her questions.
My original threads on here are asking lots of questions, gaining knowledge and insight.

daisychain76 Wed 29-Jan-14 20:30:15

Thank you for your encouragement sedg and more than and bigbo. I would be interested to hear what you decide niggle. Tamer and curlew l have spoken to my dcs several times, but it is very hard to really get the concept across to them and what they say can vary depending on if they are tired, had a goid day at school and so on. It is something that we will discuss in a gentle way over a few weeks. l realky just wanted to find out about others reasons and experience to supplement the reading l am doing and the few HE families l have been able to meet with. Having done a lot of thinking l don‘t feel l am being selfish ~ l can see so much potential for enriching their learning experience and fostering a real love of learning while having fun together (l do also realise l will need to actively seek ways to encourage their independence).

TamerB Wed 29-Jan-14 18:54:26

I would have been utterly horrified if my mother had suggested it because she wanted to do it and expected me to want the same. I wouldn't have been too happy with her asking opinions of strangers before she asked mine!

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