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One child home ed others at school?

(25 Posts)
Molsby Fri 04-Oct-13 17:12:37

Hi I'm interested to find out information from others who have children they home ed and then other children at school. I have three children one in reception, one in year three and another in year five. I'm thinking of removing my middle daughter because school is just not working for her and she is really unhappy. My eldest loves school and is doing well my youngest has only just started so its too soon to tell.
Do other people do this and if so how do they manage it?

bundaberg Fri 04-Oct-13 17:14:26

oh goodness, i have a very similar situation only it's my eldest i'm considering home edding!

will look forward to replies!

Endymion Fri 04-Oct-13 17:14:37

I'd be really interested in any responses too. Keep wondering about this as a solution to issues I'm having - dcs in year 6, 3 and one due to start next year. Middle dc not loving school.

Molsby Fri 04-Oct-13 17:24:10

I'm finding it such a hard decision. If she was an only child there would be no question and I would go for it, but due to having happy siblings at the same school am I just going to make life harder and cause problems for the ones I send off to school each day?
She was being bullied but now she has just lost all confidence and thinks noone likes her. She's lovely at weekends and then changes at bath time on a Sunday evening. The school have been great but there is only do much they can do. I'm worried if I move her to another school that once the novelty of her bring new has worn off we will be back to square one.

bundaberg Fri 04-Oct-13 17:48:57

it's difficult isn't it?
my ds has SEN and isn't coping well with school. However, if I take him out now I feel like i'll HAVE to home ed until GCSE level, because to get into a specialist unit for secondary he would need a statement, and that's going to be easier to get if he's in school!


morethanpotatoprints Fri 04-Oct-13 18:11:52

Hello Molsby.

Personally I only have one dd to H.ed but I know plenty of families who are thriving with one or two at school and one or more H.ed
I think it helps if the schooled dc don't think the H.ed ones are having all the fun, and I know some parents who play down the activities of the H.ed child, although this might not be necessary to many people.
Also if your other children enjoy school I can't see them bothering too much. You could always see how things work out for your child in reception and if they show signs of wanting to H.ed then you could take them out and have both H.ed
The older one will no doubt be looking forward to secondary school soon and may not be at all interested.
I would talk to them all, honestly and see what they think.
I'm sure there are people on here who do both, and will advise when they see this thread.

Saracen Fri 04-Oct-13 20:50:09

Hi Molsby!

It is not at all unusual for a family to have some children at school and others HE.

You mentioned that you thought home educating your middle child might cause problems for the others who are still at school. What sort of problems are you worried about?

Molsby Fri 04-Oct-13 22:03:40

I'm just worried that my other two would be jealous because she would be getting a lot more of my time or that they may think she is getting an easy time being at home.

morethanpotatoprints Fri 04-Oct-13 22:19:47

Hello Molsby.

I think if you talk to them openly especially the older one, you might find there is no problem.
I do know what you mean, I found myself justifying it to our older ds's who are 22 and 18, because they had gone to school throughout.
I'm not sure what style you'd use with your H.ed child, but if you had ideas lined up, a sort of plan that you think would work, you could talk about this and point out where it wouldn't be the negative the points you suggest.
We told our dd it would be hard work and not all fun and games etc, because it was her decision and we didn't want to make light of it.
She ended up having far more fun than she ever did and would at school. She has worked hard as well.
Are you able to offer some one on one time for the other dc? Taking them to activities, showing an interest in what they are doing and asking them to share their school day with their sibling would be good. Reading before bed for the younger one and help with homework for the older one. All the things you will have considered anyway would be sufficient for them to not be too worried.
I still stop and listen to our 22 year olds warblings, (sorry, but they're full of it as young grown ups) It's what we do as parents, you'll be fine and so will your dc. smile

Molsby Fri 04-Oct-13 22:33:15

Thank you so much for your replies, I really feel as though I should do something as school is really not working for her at all at the moment. I've even been volunteering there to support her but she seems to feel that she has no friends and is unhappy.
I'm going to a local home ed group next week and I'm going to talk to her teacher. The rest of our family is supportive which is great and I guess if it does not work she can go back to school. When I asked her about her feelings she said she would love it.
If we decide to I'm sure I will be back with more questions. Thank you thanks

morethanpotatoprints Fri 04-Oct-13 22:37:32


We have only been H.ed for a year. If you go through the past threads you will see the most silly questions coming from me.
There are some really knowledgable parents on these threads who have H.ed for years. They are so friendly and helpful.

stilllearnin Sat 05-Oct-13 00:05:15

Hi, just to say it works fine for us as far as we know. (I worry resentment could raise up in adulthood but that could happen over anything). Only you can weigh up your own children's reactions but my dd is 9 and in school and her brother is 12 and home ed. We have always offered the same to both and for us that was important - so you might want to consider whether you would be happy to home ed all 3. But although my dd was not loving school when we took her brother out, she prefers that environment to being home ed. In fact she has just changed school and we offered her home ed as stop gap and she was horrified!!

I did make sure I took her swimming as a bit of 1:1 time to begin with. But if your middle child is having problems it is likely that, with the best will in the world, he or she is already occupying a lot of time and your emotional capacity. Your other children may find that if you take the middle one out that part of the family dynamic is a bit easier and you may not get resentment from them but relief! I think that was a part of our story. Hope this helps and good luck.

Saracen Sat 05-Oct-13 09:25:12

I'm sure that if your two children who stay at school are really enjoying school then they will be ready to take the rough with the smooth. Their sister will get to do things they don't get to do. By being at school, they will get to do things she doesn't get to do. As long as it is their choice, there shouldn't be any problem.

...or are you worried that they are not actually enjoying school as much as they appear to be, and that if they knew there was an alternative then they would prefer to come out of school too?

Molsby Sat 05-Oct-13 15:45:17

I know my oldest dd loves school and I'm sure would not want to be at home. It's the reason that makes me the sadest because her education has been such a positive experience and it seems unfair that her sisters has been so negative. My youngest has just started reception and I'm sure would rather be at home but only time would tell I guess.
Also I worry am I being selfish I was told today that now the kids are at home I'm just lonely and making excuses. Yes I do love the holidays so much and hate it when they go back to school and I would happily have her home. Also I really want my happy daughter, back in the holidays she was so lovely and fun now she's back at school she's like a different person.

ommmward Sat 05-Oct-13 18:35:47

If you don't think the youngest likes school much either, take her out too, and the two of them will he company for each other. no reason why it should be forever - they can always try again in a year or two. And your older one might actually decide she'd prefer home ed too - just gently present it as an option now and then :-)

Saracen Sat 05-Oct-13 20:20:05

Ah, the "selfish parent" argument against home education.

I ask you, would anyone bat an eyelash if a parent sent her child off to school because the child wanted to go, and the child loved school, and the parent said "and it's great for me too, because now I have some time to myself"?

No, apparently it's only if you home educate that it is "selfish" to meet your child's needs by doing something which you yourself happen to enjoy as well.

Sometimes what is best for your child is also best for you. It's a very lucky position you are in, far better than if you didn't like having her at home and had to choose between her need to be home educated and your need not to have to home educate!

Molsby Sun 06-Oct-13 19:38:33

Thank you Saracen you have made me feel happier and also thank you to everyone else for your replies. I do know that we are in a very fortunate position and I am thankful that we can make the choice if we want to.
I am going to a home ed group next week to meet some local parents and I'm also going to talk to her teacher again.

merrymouse Tue 08-Oct-13 10:57:06

I have done this a bit and the main problem is the frustration of home-edding but still being tied to the schedule of school drop off/pick up.

steph82 Fri 11-Oct-13 19:32:42

Hi I have my eldest daughter at home and my son just started in Reception. He is not keen on going in as my daughter 'doesn't have to' but he seems to enjoy it when he's there and he seems to be doing well. My daughter didn't really get on well with the social side at school but my son is different and gets on fine with others. It is too early to really know how he'll get on but if he's ok with it I'll see how it goes and carry on with my daughter at home with me.

musicposy Sat 12-Oct-13 10:19:51

I would just take out the child who is unhappy and not worry about anything else for now. Either the others will continue to go to school and be happy, or they will want to be home ed and they can come out and be happy.

I know it doesn't feel that simple! I took my younger daughter out at age 8 and my eldest was quite happy in secondary. I'd mooted HE to my eldest a couple of years beforehand when she'd been bullied at primary and she'd refused point blank.

For a year I had my younger daughter out of school and my elder daughter in school. DD2 got all my attention in the day and therefore I could devote my attention to DD1 in the evenings and both seemed happy with this arrangement. Home educating just one child was lovely, easy, peaceful, and a lot of fun.

As the year progressed, DD1 started to think more and more that DD2 was onto a good thing. She would come home and hear that DD2 had been to the Open air museum or the Roman palace or to the adventure play place with her friends and started to think DD2 was having a lot of fun whilst she was stuck in school. DD1 is over 3 years older than DD2 and bright but despite this she could see DD2 somehow catching her up - understanding maths DD1 was struggling with, reading the same books, and within a year at home DD2 had caught her up on the piano as she had so much more time to devote to it. We weren't happy with some of the secondary teaching and the more dissatisfied with school she got the more she seemed to struggle with friendships too. By the end of Y7 she was begging to come out of school.

This was not what I had bargained for. I had a nice calm life that worked, had got over the panic of taking DD2 out, and had no idea whatsoever how to educate a 12 year old. But I couldn't say yes to one and no to the other and risk a lifetime of resentment on my hands. So we took her out, promising to home ed her for 2 years only until GCSEs.

Well, she stayed at home until 16, got 10 good GCSEs at home, mainly at A and A*, and is now in her second year of college doing A levels. The girls are now brilliant friends and have a really strong sibling relationship. Given that they are now 17 and 14, I have a relationship with them that many parents can only dream of with their teens. We are all so close and get on brilliantly. My bond with DD1 is incredibly strong. Yet both girls have their own friends and very happy social lives. DD1 is at a friend's house this weekend and DD2 is off out later on.

I can't guarantee you won't have all three at home eventually if you take one out. Of course, your eldest may well stay happy in school. If you follow their lead they will never have cause to resent you. DD1 says she would have resented it if I'd taken her out of school when I took DD2. What I can tell you is I was at least as scared as you both times (people who have been on here longer than me will vouch for that!). Despite it being the most difficult choice I ever made, it was definitely the best thing I ever did. Good luck in your decision making. flowers

Molsby Wed 16-Oct-13 07:11:29

Thank you for your replies. Musicposy you have just made me feel so much better thank you. My daughter has gone back to school this week and we have spoken to the school again and if any issues arise we will deregister her.
Steph82 hope that it all goes well for you my son is also in reception and does seem to be enjoying it, but I do have my son home at the moment because the school are not coping well with a medical condition he has (which they were fully aware of before he started) so I can possibly see myself in the future having both of them at home.

MissWimpyDimple Wed 16-Oct-13 07:19:30

Would you still need to take your DD to school pickup and drop off? Is that going to be hard for her? I think my DD would struggle with that and it could make her a further target for problems.

musicposy Wed 16-Oct-13 08:23:53

MissWimpy that wasn't any problem for my DD. I continued to take her to drop offs at the school for a further 3 years because we were committed to taking my goddaughter there and I didn't feel I could go back on that promise.

She was just delighted to not have to go in herself! The first week was awkward (made more so by the fact I was a governor at the school and the head was very unhappy with me, and more for me than her) but it soon settled, everyone just got used to the situation, and there were never any worries or even comments. People tend not to make comments to a child when there is a parent there, whatever they may privately think. Whilst DD initially worried about the other children's reactions, in the event they all just seemed to think she was incredibly lucky!

ILoveMakeUp Wed 16-Oct-13 08:32:01

I homeschooled using the K12 system. Our DS absolutely loved it. It is an American system which means he learnt money in $ and American history, but that really doesn't matter when they are small. He is now in the UK system and adapted very easily.

If you are disorganised and lacking in confidence for HS'ing (not suggesting that you are), then K12 is well worth considering.

ILoveMakeUp Wed 16-Oct-13 08:32:41

... and you might find that you love HS'ing so much, that you end up with at least 1 other of your DCs at home, too!

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