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Do you ever get accused of isolating your child because you HE?

(18 Posts)
marjproops Thu 25-Apr-13 21:31:40

Had that today, not from ed panel but someone to do with DCs sn. ALWAYS askes every single time they come, feels like the flippin spanish inquisition.

i HE because:
no schools could cater to her million and one needs,
schools full up in our area anyway
she couldnt handle and cope with noise/crowds/too many faces etc.
and a few other reasons.

shes doing brilliantly with HE.

was asked 'does she have a social life?' i just thought 'what the flip? my parenting is none of your biz'.

i answered, joking but serious 'my dcs name is Boo Radley. i lock her up in the basement and shackle her to the walls and feed her bread and cheese, she never ever sees the light of day or sees no one else but me, her jailer'!

person laughed but i said she has quite a good social life, she couldnt cope wth so many kids in school, and hardly ever played/interacted with them anyway, was always freaking out and had to have lessons on her own or just play with a teacher at breaktimes and eat with teachers.

she sees friends at sunday school at church, other friends in the park at weekends and holidays, plus we have friends round for tea and stuff. and she goes to swimming and gym.

and at the end of the day shes MY child, I know her, I know what and who she can cope with. any other HE's get this?

Saracen Fri 26-Apr-13 01:12:49

Yes, I get it from dd2's specialists also. I don't actually mind them asking about her social life. Whether and how she gets on with other people is relevant to the whole picture. I usually assume that these are the same sorts of questions we would be asked if she were at school.

However, I do get wound up when I later read a report which says "E is home educated BUT [my emphasis] mixes regularly with her peers" - I want to write and ask them to correct it to "E is home educated and THEREFORE has good opportunities for social development"!! LOL.

The other thing which winds me up is when people are clearly ticking their boxes according to the number of large structured same-age groups my dd attends. I want to explain to them how totally irrelevant it is that she goes to some big sports group where she doesn't interact with the other children in any meaningful way. Like all children, she's learning social skills from me, from her teenaged sister, from the neighbour children, from kids in the park, from the old ladies at the bus stop.

FionaJNicholson Fri 26-Apr-13 10:10:11

The questions are about the person asking, not about you. The person asking is wondering whether they could have been home educated, wondering whether they could/should home educate...and generally justifying to themselves why the answer is no. I tend to find the questions painfully revealing.

justaboutalittlefrazzled Fri 26-Apr-13 10:16:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maggi Fri 26-Apr-13 16:02:48

Yesterday, I was the one who was being accused of not socialising enough! I was told my He son does lots of socializing but I was the one who was wasn't seeing my friends!!!

marjproops Fri 26-Apr-13 17:25:00

I had that too, maggi. also cos Im fulltime carer for DC im asked when do i get a break?

I say i dont, but im used to it, and thats my prob if it it bothers me, which it doesnt.

but DC, when she WAS at school, never used to play with her peers, shes always preffered much older or much younger. she has friends her own age but still ends up going off and doing her own thing. thats just the way she is.

ToffeeWhirl Fri 26-Apr-13 19:34:01

I watched this video yesterday and it made me a bit sad because that's the kind of home ed I'd like my DS1 to be having, but he isn't that sort of child and doesn't want to mix in groups or go out much. However, the film is a good response to the socialisation question.

I think the problem is with the name 'home education'. So many people who don't know anything about it seem to assume this is a literal description and that home ed involves sitting at the kitchen table studying with your mum all day.

marjproops Sun 28-Apr-13 17:36:38

oh for F*** sake. Yet AGAIN just today someone asking the same thing. someone I havent seen in a while and were asking about DCs school.

i said shes HE now and the FIRST reply, NOT' oh hows she doing'? or' oh thats nice' or something, was 'Ooh, doesnt she have a social life then? ooh, she SHOULD be be other kids you know'. while they hoiked up their breast at the same time. AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH !!!!!!!

ToffeeWhirl Sun 28-Apr-13 18:06:50

<offers wine>

What did you say, marj?

marjproops Sun 28-Apr-13 18:15:14

It was in church! so couldnt really give the answer that was in my head grin.

DCwas about to go to sunday school WITH HER FRIENDS around her own age, she does that every Sunday,

i just said 'shes got more social life than I have'. which is true.

I do admit im uber- sensitive at the best of times,but just feel accused, judged, (and yes, I could also have thrown a scripture or two at this person about it)and a bad mother who imprisons her child. seriously, Im gonna have to change her name to Boo Radley.

Thanx for the wine. needed that!

anyone else get sensitive about it? and whats your answer? apart from the fact its none of their flipping beeswax.

marjproops Sun 28-Apr-13 18:19:04

toffee the video link you did, tbh i was looking at it with no sound on, and maybe i misunderstood it, but to me it looked like they didnt get any written/studying done, they were put playing all the time? looked like truancy?

I also have to explain as DC actually had social probs, cant be around too many people etc etc, i do take her out after written work to the park or somewhere for swimming etc, so maybe WE look like shes truanting.

i do get a bit judgy pants if i see kids out during the day during term time myslef, wondering if theyve got inset, are HE'd or really are playing hooky.

ToffeeWhirl Sun 28-Apr-13 19:50:55

That was a good answer, marj. I like the fact that your DD was about to go to Sunday school with her friends when you were asked that grin. The person asking was just ignorant and gave a knee-jerk response to your information. Home education is so outside many people's experience - particularly older people - that they don't know what it entails at all.

There was some written / studying work going on in that video, although I agree that it was mostly excursions (looked great fun, though). The narrator explained that she wasn't good at Maths, so she delegated that to a fellow parent who was good at it (and the video showed her teaching the children at the table).

My home-educated son is like your DD, marj, in that he can't cope with groups of people, which is one of the (many) reasons he couldn't handle school. As a result, I can look like I am cutting him off from people's idea of socialisation, when that couldn't be further from the truth. I am forever offering him opportunities to go to home-ed workshops, excursions, etc., but the most he can handle is one-to-one meetings with boys of his own age or trusted adults.

marjproops Sun 28-Apr-13 20:12:09

Thanx toffee DCs exactly the same socially,

thing is, I myself have social phobia, it takes everything Ive got to go out and interact with people and work up courage to go near anyone. I have close friends who know this and accept when I have an 'episode' and just cant see them, but i ONLY go out cos I HAVE to, for DCs sake,

cant help if she has same thing, but i make an effort for her. but I suppose cos I have this that soemhow I am instilling this on my child.

I maen, its a miracle she survived infant and juniors, but there were many many many MANY exclusions/mom can you come in cos shes having another meltdown/she had to eat in the classroom with teacher as she couldnt coipe with noise and crowds in dining room etc etc etc.

imagine now as shes about to teen. no way.

going to pm you toffee

justaboutalittlefrazzled Sun 28-Apr-13 20:17:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marjproops Sun 28-Apr-13 20:18:10

and saracen agree, there are loads of opportunities for HE kids to get social skills, I take DC out for coffee (well, me coffee, she tea) and so were among other people foir example, once a week is the coffee trip, other times eg-im taking her to the sealife in London next week for a day out/trip/lesson.

shell get the train trip, bus trip etc etc and interact with people.

marjproops Sun 28-Apr-13 20:24:48

just im trying to do that too, 1-because even tho Im a teacher Im not brill on every subject so would like to share HE duties with other HE's, where mine and theirs can have a couple of lessons together (if DC can handle it, (see toffees child, mines the same)and maybe I can tech theirs something their not so hot on.

atm tho were trying to move house so dont want to start that until we know where were going as its not good for DC to get to know someone and then we move to the outer hebrides and start again.

shes already freaking with the house move changes.

and Im also trying (in vain) to get some help-where there SHOULD be for sn kids-from the education authorities to get DC some additional tutoring-i cant afford a private tutor, the gov can with the £19.000 theyre saving a year not having DC in school!!!!!

syl1985 Sun 28-Apr-13 20:37:52

I haven't had these questions, yet.
The question that I mostly get is:

- What kind of things do you teach your children?
- Can everyone just give their child home education?
- Do you get checked for to see if the children have learned enough at home?

I give them all the information that they want. No problem, I'm happy to chat with people about how I teach my kids.

But I never had, touch wood, someone asking me things in an unfriendly or accusing way.
That would get my blood boiling.

marjproops Sun 28-Apr-13 20:46:40

I dont mind any other questions, in fact the ed panel are coming for the 6 month assessment in a few weeks time, and weve done tons of work, not just written, but ive taken lots of photos of days out/lessons, plus a lot of reading and watching the discovery channels for a lot of things too (gets me a bit cleverer too, especially science progs!)

I mean. mines 12 and doesnt follow the national curriculum as shes a sn child, she does what she can and how mauch she can.

sometimes thats a 4 year old phonics book, or a 7 years old reading book for example. plus she wont be doing sats, she never has.

just hope thats okay with ed people, was last time i explained. and agian, I know my child, I know her limits. sometimes she surprises me but generally weve started from scratch again and shes doing brilliantly like that.

we're trying to tackle Shakepeare atm! shes better than I am with that!

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