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reception age children?

(19 Posts)
twinklesparkles Mon 03-Dec-12 17:40:05

Hi all

I was just wondering if anyone had taken their child out of reception class.
I have always liked the idea of homeschooling but I am just too afraid.
However now, it is starting to become a serious need. My son is having a lot of troubles in school and I just want it all to stop now.
He's already changed from a happy and bright (slightly hyper) boy. To a frustrated, sad, self doubting child.

Its hard seeing my son slip so far away from us, he's 5!!!! How on earth does a 5 year old even become depressed? Its sad seeing how my son has changed since starting school.

He is being bullied ... School didn't bother telling me this, I finally managed to get him to open up one day, went in to tell the teachers the next day and they told me they already knew!!! sad
They didn't bother telling me.

They are regularly telling me my son has attacked another child but then telling me they don't know how it started and they didn't see it happen.

They are also concerned about my sons behavior, saying they are concerned about his speech/language (he has been seen by speech/language therapy and they loved him and said he was fine). They have also just refered my son to a occupational therapist ( I have just signed the forms this afternoon, I really didn't want to do this)
The school call me into a meeting to talk about my sons "behavoir" but never actually say what's wrong specificly. Normally they say things re, lining up/waiting in line/not calming down after play time/ect..

But however they can never show me any evidence of this and they are not troubles we have with ds after school.

We have never had any problems that they are describing with ds outside of school.
The school call me in for a meeting talking about the "severity" of my sons actions, again not actually telling me anything what's actually happened. I then don't hear from them for weeks until I get called in again.

When I ask them at the end of the day what's happened they either say nothing or they don't know.

I really don't want my son to be there anymore. But am I brave enough to start homeschooling (which is what I really want and dh agrees it'll be more beneficial to our son) or do I take him to another school?

I really don't want to make any complaints against this school or specify any reasons of why I want him to leave... I just want to take him out of there

I also worry about homeschooling as I am more of an actual sit down and practice writing/reading ect rather than a learning through play kind of person.

I am unsure of what I need to do, is it really as easy as just de-registering my son from school via letter to school and council?

I also have worried regarding cost as my dh is currently out of work and I am expecting dc #2. And how we would be viewed by the local authority for not sending out son to school when my dh is not working and providing for us

Any tips would be greatly appreciated

twinklesparkles Mon 03-Dec-12 17:43:47



Sorry can this thread be deleted please.
I didn't mean to ramble on in such an unstructured way.

I don't mean to sound like someone who only wants to homeschool due to my son having bad experiences at school.
(Although that's obviously a very large factor)

Its just been an awful day with the school again today and this really is just breaking point for me sad

SugarPeaSnap Mon 03-Dec-12 18:42:37

I took my son out of reception after 3 weeks, in early October. You are not alone! Can't write more now. I'll come back later this evening, but wanted to give you a quick reply x

EauRouge Mon 03-Dec-12 18:45:28

Oh twinkles sad Poor you and poor DS. It must be awful, the school sounds like they are making a right pig's ear of communication. No wonder you are so upset.

Home schooling does not have to be a permanent decision, you can review at the end of next term, the year, next year etc.

Shybairns Mon 03-Dec-12 19:29:17

It is sad that your DS is having such an unhappy experience of school. I worry that if you take him out now while its bad he'll be left with only negative feelings about school.

However if you wanted to home school him till he was old enough to understand why it was bad for him and why you removed him then I guess that would be ok for him.

I would be tempted to find another school to move him to. Is there another school that you like and that has a place?

If the answer to that is no then I guess you're only option is to home school him.

If only till the end of the summer term. It would give him some valuable time to mature a bit and learn a bit more self control.

Trust your instincts.

take3 Mon 03-Dec-12 21:39:54

Oh, how very sad for you. It must be so hard sending him each day when you know you are putting him into a miserable situation. It sounds from your message that you know what you really want to do... it is just a question of having the guts to do it. Home education is a very big decision and one that should not be taken lightly, but having said that, it is the best decision we ever made. Yes, there are days when I feel like things are hard work and moments when school feels very appealing, but overall we know for sure, without any doubt that our children are in the right place.

The sad thing about your email was your reasons for holding back on your decision - can I gently point out that none of your reasons were in the best interests of your son. They were a) you don't feel brave enough and b) you are worried about what the LEA will think. Well... firstly who cares what the LEA think - if you go down that route then you won't be thinking about your son and his needs. You are within your rights to take him out and it is your responsibility to educate your son (under British law), not the LEA's. Being brave and gutsy about it is hard, but if you know it is best for your son then it would be unwise to send him to school day after day just so you don't have to face it! You sound like a very caring mother who knows what is best for your son, so just do it!

I am sure it will not be plain sailing but I would try hard to plan out some fun things he enjoys doing (not tv or screen based) and just get having fun at home - show him how much he is loved and nurture him until you see his beautiful character return again. Then pick something he enjoys and do a little project - I use homeschool share quite a bit as they have tons of free resources based around a book or a topic. You can teach letters, numbers and anything really through something he is interested in.

Hope that helps a bit.

SugarPeaSnap Tue 04-Dec-12 00:19:32

Hi, I'm back. smile What you've described sounds horrible for you and your DS. Yes HE is a big decision but its not as if sending a miserable boy to school each day is easy either, especially if you don't trust the teachers and school in general.
My son didn't enjoy school. Too noisy, too much direction. He hated being in the playground and even though he had a lovely teacher I just felt he was feeling lost. It was quite a snap decision to pull him out so early, but I felt that if I hadn't done it then it would have been a long drawn out process of him never fully thriving or being at ease with the whole thing, and I didn't want the "will I or won't I HE?" to drag on and on, because I knew it would always be lurking in the back, or front of my mind. Also I was never at ease with relinquishing so much control and handing over so much responsibility for my young child to strangers. He kept asking do I have to go, and I knew, honestly that he didn't, so I couldn't lie to him. When we made the decision, instead of it being an, okay, you don't have to go anymore thing, my DH and I proposed the idea of HE to him as we wanted him to know it was something we were excited to be able to offer him. We are both much happier with current arrangement!

We take each day at a time. I'm trying to be easy on myself and focus on the things that we both enjoy rather than trying to push anything formal and he is learning all the time. I still have a 2.5 yr old DD at home too, and with all the time they spend together their relationship is blossoming and they are getting better and better and solving problems together. If you do decide to HE. Before you do anything approaching formal work, project work, HE meet ups or exciting field trips or what ever ideas you might have in mind he will already be benefitting from: a huge surge in trust and self esteem in knowing that you have have advocated for his needs and said we can do better than this, I will stop this suffering; you will have taken him away from a situation where is is labelled, measured, compared to others or seen as anything less than his beautiful true self. If you are expecting another DC you will be able to really focus on developing his sense of security when the baby comes and bonding as a family, no early morning rush out the door when you had a sleepless night, and lots of lovely time reading and watching educational dvds together while feeding the baby.

You don't need to tell the school why you're taking him out. Just send in a letter saying you wish to deregister him and you will be educating him at home from now on. I'm sure others will be along soon who are better at the legal bit if you want more advice about the wording. He doesn't need to go back.

The head of my son's school forwarded my letter to the LEA and then they wrote and asked me if I definitely wanted to HE and what I hoped to achieve by doing so. So I've told them, very loosely.

They don't need to know anything about your personal circumstances, husbands job or anything. Its none of their business. You have plenty of time. And if making it official all feels like too much to take on when you're feeling very emotional and stressed, you could just give him the rest of the week off, and say you think he needs a break from school for a few days. The school can think he's ill for a week, then you can send in the letter on monday.

As if I haven't garbled on enough, I feel like posting you the Goethe quote that really helped me crystallize the decision to go for it, and I think there is so much truth and wisdom in it:

"Until one is committed
There is hesitancy, the chance to draw back
Always ineffectiveness.

Concerning all acts of initiative (and Creation)
There is one elementary truth
The ignorance which kills countless ideas and splendid plans:

That the moment that one definitely commits ones self
Then Providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one
That would never otherwise have occurred.

A whole stream of events issues from the decision
Raising in one’s favor all manner
Of unforeseen incidents and meetings
And material substance
Which no one could have dreamt
Would have come your way.

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."

Good luck x

SDeuchars Tue 04-Dec-12 10:56:46

is it really as easy as just de-registering my son from school via letter to school and council?

You only need to send a letter to the school telling them to de-register him (no need to write to the LA). I have bumped all the basic information threads for you.

SugarPeaSnap Tue 04-Dec-12 18:02:29

How did you get on today twinkles (slightly embaressed at my long post, I don't often reply to posts and when I manage to I write a bleedin' essay, and quote Goethe blush!)

volley Tue 04-Dec-12 18:26:49

Loved that quote sugar !!
twinkles we pulled DD out week 5 of reception, she was miserable, withdrawn, stopped sleeping and kept asking why school existed. She couldn't cope with the regimentation, lining up and queuing endlessly to get from A to B in the school, she kept telling us how bored she was, but the most overwhelming thing for us was how her spark had vanished and how resigned she had come to be about the situation in just a few short weeks.
We agonised over the decision as HE wasn't even on our radar and we knew nothing about it at all at the start of September, it was hard to challenge ourselves and our conditioned mindset of the 'norm'.
Wow what a difference 8 weeks can make!! Once we pulled her out, she changed almost overnight, started sleeping again and in the past 3 weeks her sparkle has really returned, we are still finding our way and I do have wobbles and doubts, but I just have to look at her to know we've done the right thing.
Please listen to your beautiful boy and to your instincts, there is s much support and wisdom and experience on here, big hugs to you xx

twinklesparkles Tue 04-Dec-12 19:12:59

Hi guys. <3 thank you all so much for your replies
Sugarpeasnap don't be embarrased smile I apreciate everyones help

Asked him if he wanted to go to school today and he said yes, bless him he is a trouper.
Asked his teacher what happened, she said she didn't know what happened as she wasn't in. So she asked the teacher who witnessed it ... That teacher didn't even know anything either. Couldn't say how or why it started ect sad
Found out it was a boy older than my son too sad
Also talked to the teacher about the boy who's been bullying him. She said shed keep an eye out.

[Hmm] ......

Talked to dh husband last night, he's a bit more worried about the legal side of things. And how much actual/formal type of work we need to be doing with ds. Think he thinks it has to legally be as school hours ect.
Will keep talking to him smile I've also emailed a lady from a homeschooling charity we have here. This area has quite a big homeschool community. So I've just emailed her to ask her a few things.

I think at least for the end of this term ds is going to be in school. Dh did say to maybe check out other schools ect. But he's just worried about doing things too quick in case we end up in a worse situation than we are in now.

There's just so much to think about ..... Brain hurts.


SDeuchars Tue 04-Dec-12 20:35:25

he's a bit more worried about the legal side of things. And how much actual/formal type of work we need to be doing with ds. Think he thinks it has to legally be as school hours ect.

No, no, no. There is no worry about legalities - Education Act 1996, section 7 says that it is the parents' responsibility to ensure that their child is educated. They can do that either by regular attendance at school or otherwise. You'll simply be moving from regular attendance at school to otherwise.

You don't have to do any amount of formal work with DS and certainly not formal work 9-3. In school, he's getting a tiny amount of 1:1 - at home, he'll get a huge amount (as much as you and he want). Education (especially for a 5yo) encompasses all sorts of things: music, games in the park, jigsaws, board games, making things, reading, doing experiments, building with LEGO, watching films, going to museums or the theatre, cookery.

A 5yo knows almost nothing about the world. It is your job to let him explore and find out about it. Once he recovers from school, there's bound to be plenty of things he is interested in. IMO, small children need to learn skills more than knowledge. So reading is a skill but there are loads of things to read and none of them are better than others. For example, he could read a recipe, instructions to build something (including a LEGO model - just because there are no words does not mean it is not building skills important for reading), Pokemon cards, the card on a museum display, a computer game, the price of things in the supermarket, or a story. Reading is more important to the child when it allows him or her to achieve a goal - it is not often a goal in itself for starting readers. Many HEers have tales of children learning to read because the parent didn't have the time (or inclination) to read computer games or Pokemon cards as much as the child wanted.

he's just worried about doing things too quick in case we end up in a worse situation than we are in now.

You can always change your mind in the future. If you ask an LA for a school place, they have to find one. How can you end up in a worse situation?

PipCarrier Wed 30-Jan-13 19:37:09

Great quote....however, you may be interested to know that it is in fact from W.H. Murray, although very commonly mistaken for Goethe smile

VikingLady Tue 12-Feb-13 20:35:51

How is it going?

twinklesparkles Tue 02-Apr-13 12:42:19


I'm so sorry I never updated this thread, how are you guys?

Think ds will probably be deregistered from school soon smile
Meeting with another home ed family on thursday, dh wants to ask them a few questions about the legal stuff.. He doesn't believe me when I tell him there's no law wink bless him.

Also been in contact with a home education group in my local area, so hopefully will get time to pop up there next week when they are open.

I'm a bit concerned about not returning ds to school after the easter holidays, another child was taken out of ds's class for homeschooling on the last day before easter holidays. I'm a bit paranoid they'll put their foot down if I take him out then and there, was just planning on showing up at school with the deregistration letter and no ds grin.

Think I'm going to get in touch with the lea lady also, I know you don't have to get in touch with them but after speaking to another home ed parent apparently the lea lady is really lovely smile so I may get in contact just to say hi and ask for advice smile

Have been doing little bits of writing with ds, just to get him used to doing stuff with me at home. Think I'm going to buy him a few number/letter work books. I understand that we don't have to follow any kind of structural learning, but I believe that would work best for our family. My very loose plan for the moment, is that we do a few pieces of writing work everyday, literally takes up about 30 mins of time, ds enjoys it and gets it done quickly. And then spend the rest of the day, generally learning through play/conversation ect. Ds enjoys books so may ask him what he wants to learn about and then we can just read books together smile

milk Tue 02-Apr-13 18:31:42

Sounds like a great plan twinklesparkles smile

twinklesparkles Thu 23-May-13 11:58:32

Done it smile deregistered ds from school today smile

Finally. I feel so much relief

julienoshoes Thu 23-May-13 12:55:44

Well done twinkles!
Welcome to the wonderful world of HE

Saracen Fri 24-May-13 00:22:54

Terrific! Have fun!!

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