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How to explain HEing a goth 5yo to people?

(30 Posts)
BrittaPerry Mon 15-Oct-12 07:28:20

So, we are pretty much decided on a trial of HE, at least while we wait for a place at a new school.

I know that family and friends will start blaming anything odd that DD does on HE - they have done it before, right down to when she had a six month break in nursery, after her going since five months old, and was bit geeky, it was apparently because of a lack of socialisation through her entire life hmm

Now, DD is a little 5yo goth grin - she writes 'lonely songs' and says she can't write happy ones, because she can't thinkof anything to write about (she has a very happy life - she seems to only be close friends with the girls in our street, but she gets on ok with other children, and has loads of toys and activities, as well as loads of hugs and her and dd2 bing the only grandchildren on both sides, and she definitely enjoys herself while she does things). She can have an exciting fun filled day, and decribe it as 'mostly looking at the rain'. hmm. She likes Kate Bush and loves a bit of science, especially gory pictures of organs etc, and chooses floaty black skirts to wear...

So, I know people will ask DD what she has been doing and she will describe, say, a trip to a museum as 'we looked at dead things then queued for a bus', despite having had a great day grin

And I know my family will translate THAT into 'mummy dragged me aound town and I'm not allowed to have fun'

Also, we have primary school teachers in the family - I have nothing against school, I just think HE is worth a go as I think it will suit her.

Any ideas?

Strawhatpirate Mon 15-Oct-12 07:46:37

I don't really have anything constructive to say about HE. Just wanted to say she sounds adorable!!! Like a tiny Bronte smile

seeker Mon 15-Oct-12 07:49:19

Listen to what they say- then ignore the crap. Do think very carefully about socialization, it's important, but I'm sure you have.

And- feel free to ignore/shoot me, but something in your post chimed with me and some mistakes I made when mine were little (not HE, but just generally). Be absolutely clear in your mind about whether you are consciously or unconsciously encouraging the "quirky " traits in her that you find appealing. Children are programmed to please, and very quickly pick up on how you like them to be. And if it's just you and her a lot of the time, it's very easy for this to become a self fulfillng circle. Does this make sense? I loved the fact that my dd was an outdoorsy tomboyish, famous five sort of girl in Levis and Timberlands and she played along- partly because she was like that, but mostly because she was pleasing me. Then she started to buy pink fluffy frocks from charity shops.........!!!!!!!!!!!!

BrittaPerry Mon 15-Oct-12 08:03:54

Strawhat - she has just read a childrens adaptation of Wutherng Heights grin

Seeker - that is a very good point. She has three names, one is a leanord cohen song, the oher two are from Wuthering Heights, so we are dfinitely giving her those messages in some ways.

seeker Mon 15-Oct-12 08:18:11

Oh no, I'll be spending the day trying to guess her name-
Suzanne Agnes Catherine?
Hyacinth Leah Grace?

Colleger Mon 15-Oct-12 08:35:44

Loving your daughter's spirit!

But you may find after a while at home ed she may not want to act like a goth - it may be her way of expressing how she feels whilst incarcerated wink in school. If its not then spare her the grief of school peer pressure and not fitting in.

My son has been asking to have his hair dyed and a Mohican for years. When he asked the other day if he could I said yes and he was shocked. He came to me later that day and asked me to cancel the hair appointment!

BrittaPerry Mon 15-Oct-12 08:51:23

Seeker - one of those names is correct...

BrittaPerry Mon 15-Oct-12 08:51:38

I mean one of tge six :-)

seeker Mon 15-Oct-12 08:52:27

Collager- please, please can we have a thread where you don't go on about school completely crushing children's spirits and individuality? Please? It's really not helpful.

seeker Mon 15-Oct-12 08:53:08

I bet it's Agnes.................

BrittaPerry Mon 15-Oct-12 08:54:46

Would you like her initials, or is that too much of a clue?

LIttleMcF Mon 15-Oct-12 09:36:17

Your little girl sounds fab. Nancy? My absolute fave.

Colleger Mon 15-Oct-12 13:55:12

Sorry seeker, I don't think I can do that...


P.S. Let it wash over you!

CheerMum Mon 15-Oct-12 15:36:11

as an aside...I have the perfect toy for her.....Monster High dolls!

they are kind of Barbie goes Goth

CheerMum Mon 15-Oct-12 15:39:15

is Grace a goth name then? cool.
i have a goth Grace (hence the knowledge of Monster High) smile

morethanpotatoprints Mon 15-Oct-12 22:03:45

Maybe all girls go through a stage of goth, dd has asked to have her name changed to Wednesday, as she thinks she is fun. I'm not sure if she'd have considered this at school.
I think school can crush a childs spirit and discourage individuality.
The school dd went to didn't do this but didn't do much to encourage them neither.
Other schools that ds's attended certainly did, the kids were all sheep.

BrittaPerry Mon 15-Oct-12 22:29:53

Her initials are M C I grin

LIttleMcF Tue 16-Oct-12 11:05:21

Marianne Catherine Isobel (massive Leonard Cohen fan here).

BrittaPerry Tue 16-Oct-12 12:17:32

Almost :-D

Isabella :-)

sashh Wed 17-Oct-12 06:56:01

She sounds cool.

TyrannosaurusBex Sat 20-Oct-12 07:29:54

Your dd sounds like a younger version of my dd1, she is 8 and just finished her 1st half term of HE. It's going really well, she is free to pursue her fascinations (muscles at the moment) and dress like a miniature cyberpunk (Christ knows how, with a wardrobe full of Mini Boden) but she is much more upbeat and positive than she was at school. No more tuneless dirges about my wrongdoings, accompanied by her sisters on viola and drums!

BrittaPerry Sat 20-Oct-12 10:30:09

' oh, when you are lonely it is very sad, everyone else has friends, you don't have any friends, but I know what you must do, you must be strong and then you will be HAPPY!'

She is working on a songbook with her 'lonely songs' in hmm

BrittaPerry Sat 20-Oct-12 10:33:17

I should add, she 'plays' keyboard or ukelele, and puts her baby sister on drums or tambourine...

I think she would get on with your dd, Tyrannosaurus...

Onadietcolabreak Thu 25-Oct-12 18:03:12

Sorry, nothing practical to add, buy you DD sounds an amazing little soul [hsmilie] a mini version of my 12 year old Goth grin

Good luck with the HE,

a day looking at dead things then queuing for the bus sound like a great day out to me grin

quirrelquarrel Mon 29-Oct-12 11:50:15

A five year old Kate Bush fan, I want to be her best friend and go round Whitby with her! grin

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