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please help me put my thoughts in order

(8 Posts)
nickschick Fri 14-Oct-11 10:32:41

Ds3 has been H.E always,ds1 and 2 had periods of H.E (years at a time).

So ds3 has always been very happy to learn at home thats not the issue,but all of a sudden almost overnight hes said hed like to go to school,that in itself is not a problem wed always said if he wanted to go-hed go.


Ds wants to go to one of the many local schools because thats where one of his friends goes,this school is quite a nice school <think v rough area nice school> and as ds3 is 11 and year 6 next year would be secondary.

Problem is that we think ds3 is saying he wants to go to school 'for a try' so he can see his friend more- they wouldnt be in the same class and as we all know friendships can be fickle,I suggested to ds that there were some other children whom he doesnt get on with who would be in the class with him - he said that was ok hed ignore them,he then said that if he didnt like the work he'd say to the teacher he will do that at home <also not acceptable in school>,I then said although it was his decision he had to be sure it was for the right reasons,it transpires that ds3 heard the children at playtime (a time we'd usually be working) and he thinks playtime sounds fab.

Now im not naive,having had children in and out of school I know its not all about playing out and its a lot about school work and building 'life skills' etc but I dont want ds3 to base his thoughts on playtime and then set wheels in motion for him to then see possibly it isnt what he thought.

Also he wont entertain any other primary school.....this primary is not a catholic school and we are catholics our ds1&2 went to a very good hmm secondary that is catholic but ds3 wont get in there if he's not at a catholic primary ...and I lose the 'well he's been home educated' argument when he comes to need secondary school v shortly.

So this morning <he's poorly and a bit over wrought which could make him feel anxious> he cried sad and said he was confused and wants to be home ed but wants playtime...I said to him what I planned to do was phone the school see if there were any year 6 places bcos there was no point him getting upset if it came to it and then he couldnt even go iyswim?
Well he criedsad and begged me not to phone,but I have secretly and there is places for year 6.

so what do I do?

Do I let him try school for what isnt a 'good' reason .....and could potentially cause quite a bit of disruption for him and other children or do I say there are no places and we have to ring back before half term and see if his enthusiasm has dwindled??

nickschick Fri 14-Oct-11 10:47:12

bumping ....blush

Jamillalliamilli Fri 14-Oct-11 13:42:47

I think if you're definitely putting him into secondary school soon, then on the one hand it would be better to iron out some of the shocks ie: discovering he won't be choosing when he works, and on the other what will you do if he dislikes the experience and then doesn't want to go to secondary? Just thoughts.

CheerMum Fri 14-Oct-11 15:19:22

is there any way the school would let him join in with class for a week so he could see whether he liked it?

nickschick Fri 14-Oct-11 17:42:20

justgettingonwithit - ty for answeringthanks we werent definitely putting him in secondary school only if he wanted to go bcos we realise that someday soon he may want to try other stuff than what you can realistically do at home....we thought he might do Igcse or we may move to a better area nearer to a better school....thats one of the worries that primary may put him off secondary and open a bigger can of worms ....

cheersmum well thanks cheers cheersmum smile I think theoretically that would be a good idea howver the school doesnt do it and understandably they have a whole year of year6s to teach so somebody dipping in and out isnt good,plus if I sent him to school I dont think that within a week he'd get a true example of how it 'works' itd be a bit honeymoony,iyswim??

Oh dear what a mess sad.

thankyou both tho and hope i get some other input too.

cuppatea2 Fri 14-Oct-11 20:19:35

op - you know what is normally suggested when this happens is you find out exactly WHAT it is about school that is appealing to DS. It may well be something that you as an adult know he isnt going to get from school - but if you havent already (and I think you may have), then find out what it is.

Next step is to meet those needs as best you can at home. It is often as easy as that, thge child has some needs that it wants meeting and it sees school as the answer, whereas anything that meets his needs might do iyswim?

So for example, can you have friend round for playdatesonce a week or once a fortnight, or does friend have an out of school hobby your ds could join him in.

So he likes the sound of playtime, rack your brains, what else can you think of that might sound or feel similar that he can try out? A football club? Scouts? Youll be able to think of something.

nickschick Mon 17-Oct-11 08:45:40

Thanks cuppa smilethanks.

We had a bit of a chat about it on Friday whilst we were at the museum.
There were some school children there and I think he got a 'feel' of classroom learning.

Its v difficult as he has 2 older dc and I know pretty much every parent around here for him to build a friendship thats just 'his',he goes to a youth club but again he's 'favoured' the leaders all know his elder brothers (ds1 & 2 are quite desired amongst their local peers) so he gets 'special treatment' there (the extra 20p for a lolly,picked for jobs etc and as he is a 'nice' kid (he doesnt do school politics so plays with everyone is v non judgy about everything) he gets invited places a lot.....

He tried scouts made a lot of friends but as most of the activities were craft based and football stuff (stuff he does most days) he lost interest he wants to camp in the woods and build tepees lol..

So we came to the conclusion that he thought school might be a lot different than it really is (think zac and codys suite life and wizards of waverley place etc) and he actually doesnt want to try it now hmm.

The thing with H.E is I know Im doing it for the best for him but theres always that thought that perhaps he thinks differently ......

Hard innit this parenting lark? grin.

madwomanintheattic Wed 19-Oct-11 17:13:59

did he try scouts, or did he try cubs?

the scouts can (and do) go worldwide to jamborees and do lots of back-country camping, building teepees in the woods, cooking on fires, kayaking, rock climbing etc. (did he give it long enough? a bit like school - it isn't going to be 'last child in the woods' every day, but across the period of a year (esp summer) there will be loads of fantastic opportunities. even with cubs, unless it is a pretty rubbish group, or they don't have the leaders for outdoors stuff (in which case, why not volunteer? grin)

our cubs and scouts do lots of backwoods stuff and in my memory have played football once in three years. grin maybe try a different group?

in a few years he can do d of e which has an important outdoor aspect, and he can tailor the rest of the programme towards the aspects he is interested in. is there an 'open' group near you?

it sounds as though he's finding life a bit quiet, and maybe wants to spread his wings a bit? (even if he's decided that school isn't the disney channel lol) hormones?

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