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The more I hear about school the more I want to home-ed!!

(22 Posts)
1morestepalongtheworldigo Tue 20-Sep-11 12:41:51

Basically DSD has just started big school (she's 4) and DP just had a frantic phone call from hysterical xp saying DSD's teacher has just shouted at DSD and told her off in front of 3 classes of children and a load of parents sad DSD is apparently really upset and it just makes me realise that 4 is far too young to be in school, especially with teachers like that!! DP has just shot off to find out what's going on but I don't want our kids to go to school if that's what happens. But dp lost his job yesterday, I've just started my degree and he'll only consider home ed if he can find a job that pays £30k a year!! Sorry this a self centred rambling post Im just appalled at the humiliation DSD must have felt

AMumInScotland Tue 20-Sep-11 14:53:46

Well, I think it depends what she did, to be honest with you. Sometimes children do very stupid and dangerous things, and need to be told off immediately, even if it's in public. If your child was about to run into the road, for instance, you'd shout at him/her no matter how many other children and parents might be listening. If the situation was something like that, you would want the teacher to do something similar, surely?

I think you need to know a lot more about what happened before you can decide that the teacher was out of order, or that the school is a place where children are routinely shouted at and humiliated for no reason. I'm not saying that could never happen anywhere, but in 99% of instances, there will be an innocent explanation of why a teacher had to react that way.

thisisyesterday Tue 20-Sep-11 15:00:44

well i would wait til you know the whole story tbh.

plus, her parents may not want her to be home educated?

1morestepalongtheworldigo Tue 20-Sep-11 15:30:30

I want to home ed my 2 not DSD it's not my place to decide her education!!
She blew a raspberry at a boy!

thisisyesterday Tue 20-Sep-11 16:46:36

ohhhhh that makes more sense! lol

i was thinking to myself gosh, i am not sure i'd want my ex husbands new partner home educating my child grin
then again, i guess it could be quite nice if you all get on

i'd be livid if my kid got yelled at for blowing a raspberry though, totally not on. hope mum has been and complained big time

thisisyesterday Tue 20-Sep-11 16:47:45

re-reading your OP I can see that you meant your own kids too blush

zingzillachinchilla Tue 20-Sep-11 16:49:26

You need to breathe! And try not to make hasty decisions with limited information. HE is a huge decision and unless you've got other reasons, I don't think the DSD situation as described is enough to base you decision on.

seeker Tue 20-Sep-11 16:52:52

I would be amazed if the was shouted at in front of all those people for blowing a raspberry. Get the full story before going off all guns blazing. And your dp's exp might want to the same with her hysteria...

1morestepalongtheworldigo Tue 20-Sep-11 17:07:29

Partners been up school as it's only her second week and he doesn't want this to put her off or make her fear school. She's only been back living with her mum a year she lived with us full time from 6 months old so it's not the typical step parenting set up I guess. This isn't the only thing that makes me want to home edd!! I take issue with the every child learning in the same way at the same time, too much pressure, many reasons actually!! I've been looking into it for a few months.

AMumInScotland Tue 20-Sep-11 17:10:37

Is that the teacher's version of events, or the child's? I would have thought that it would have to be a lot more than blowing a raspberry to have a teacher shouting at her in front of everyone. Perhaps it was part of a much wider problem?

SDeuchars Tue 20-Sep-11 17:13:13

zingzillachinchilla, why do you suggest that HE is a huge decision? Is sending a child to school not such a huge decision? IMHO, the default position is for the family to raise and educate children. For me, sending them to school would be huge and only to be done after very careful consideration.

nailak Tue 20-Sep-11 17:14:38

my mum is a reception teacher, and she says sometimes she gets upset at how some of the other teachers are rough and abrupt/ shouty at the kids, and she tells them you wouldnt treat your own grandkids like that, so why someone elses, sometimes they do get shouted at for silly petty things.

i can believe that she got shouted at for blowing a raspberry. in her 2nd week that is definitely excessive.

AMumInScotland Tue 20-Sep-11 17:16:02

Totally up to you if you want to HE your children when the time comes - I'm not in the slightest against it as a positive choice. But I think you need to get a sense of perspective about how schools treat children - your DSDs mum has massively over-reacted to this incident, and is more at risk of making her afraid of school than a telling-off will ever do. Being frantic and hysterical about something like this is not a healthy reaction.

I don't mean that schools and teachers always get things right, but it is very unlikely that a teacher would shout at a 4yo for such a minor thing - there must be a lot more to it than what you have heard so far.

Bunbaker Tue 20-Sep-11 17:20:15

I think you are a little unfair at tarring all primary schools with the same brush. DD went to a lovely primary school and was very happy there. She is an only child and home educating her was simply not an option for me. I don't regret sending her to school at all.

I agree with nailak that being shouted at for blowing a raspberry was way too OTT. The children at DD's primary school didn't get shouted at like that in reception.

1morestepalongtheworldigo Tue 20-Sep-11 17:25:24

The teacher screamed something about stopping spitting and how it was dirty and disgusting. I imagine that DPs ex was more upset at her daughter being humiliated and that a raspberry which IMO is a perfectly normal 4 yr old reaction to boys grin was made out to be the same as full on gobbing in someone's face! Hysterical may be over exaggerating, sorry, but she was in tears on the phone to DP

ScarlettIsWalking Tue 20-Sep-11 17:27:49

poor little girl

seeker Tue 20-Sep-11 17:45:09

In tears after talking to the teacher about the incident or before?

1morestepalongtheworldigo Tue 20-Sep-11 17:51:46

I dont think she spoke to the teacher. Anything like that she phones DP to deal with to be honest.

seeker Tue 20-Sep-11 18:51:37

So what did the teacher say when your dp talked to her about it?

1morestepalongtheworldigo Tue 20-Sep-11 19:54:29

Apparently DPs ex wasn't there when it happened and she'd exaggerated it all!! Very sorry to have wasted people's time on this post I genuinely thought that what had happened was what she'd said not that once again she'd been using DSD to get attention from DP! Recurring event don't no why I'm surprised. DSD was told off but not to the extent we were told

seeker Tue 20-Sep-11 20:26:52

Thought so. It really did sound very unlikely- as you will realise once you'e more experienced with the school thing. Sorry- did that sound patronising? Didn't mean it to.

In my experience it's far more likely that you wish the teacher would tell them off a bit more rather than less! Not at 4, obviously.........!

AMumInScotland Wed 21-Sep-11 09:57:17

I'm glad it's all making a bit more sense now - I'm afraid its not that unusual for parents to over-react to their children being told off. When DS was small I fell into that trap myself a few times - going in angry about things because of how he felt about a situation, without realising that his perception of it wasn't giving me a complete picture.

And it sounds like your DPs ex has form on this one, with attention-seeking behaviour. I guess it would be better if your DP didn't drop everything and dash to get involved, but when the welfare of a child is involved it's hard to ignore issues in case it is genuine for once.

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