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Anyone know my "rights" as a mother to HE if (non resident) father disagrees?

(6 Posts)
organiccarrotcake Sun 31-Jul-11 21:05:55

I'm re-married, and my DS1, who is nearly 7, is from my first marriage. His biological father doesn't have a huge amount of input in his life, but he can be pretty awkward sometimes! I'm considering HE (another topic for another thread but I'm reading this group with great interest) but want to know if his BF doesn't agree, does he have any right to force me to send him to school instead? I haven't raised it with him yet, mostly because I don't yet know whether I'll be doing it or not.

FionaJNicholson Sun 31-Jul-11 21:52:15

Does he have Parental Responsibility?

If BF is bad with surprises, it could be advisable to try and involve him in the decision-making process rather than springing fait accompli. Depends on how likely he is to invoke court procedure. Anecdotal evidence suggests that dads are more likely to believe in School of Hard Knocks + they sometimes think it's hugely beneficial to be made to do something you don't like and don't want to do [except as applied to themselves] also they fret about home ed children not getting job, not going to university etc. Obviously I'm generalising wildly!

exoticfruits Sun 31-Jul-11 22:08:53

I think that you need to persuade him around to your way in a friendly fashion. You could go to the CAB and ask the question-if you can't keep it friendly.

organiccarrotcake Mon 01-Aug-11 11:13:25

Thanks smile Yes, I totally agree that I need to get him on board gently. Whether or not that's possible I don't know but what I'm trying to work out is whether ulimately, if it does go head to head, do I have the right to make the decision. He does have parental responsibility as we were married when he was born and he's on the birth certificate. Sadly he doesn't actually take responsibility (he wanted me to have an abortion when I became pregnant) but in law that isn't relevant I don't think.

I'll contact the CAB and see what they say. I hadn't thought of that, thanks exotic.

Jamillalliamilli Mon 01-Aug-11 12:29:34

I’d totally agree with if it’s possible to get them onside it has to be better for all, but know two mum's taken to court by ex’s who disagreed with decision to choose h/e.

Both mums initially chose structured h/e, and went ahead whilst waiting for dates. They showed the court a planned approach and plenty of evidence of ability to meet educational and social needs, and in both cases though judges questioned it thoroughly they didn’t feel the ex partners opinions of 'normality' should overrule resident parent, and children’s choice. They just looked at the evidence presented.
One parent subsequently changed to autonomous h/e and ex discovered he could actually spend more time with his children more easily as a result. smile

organiccarrotcake Mon 01-Aug-11 16:30:45

OK, so that's useful. Probably a judge on the day thing but having all that information planned and presented is clearly what was the clincher there.

I'm not talking to him about it until I've made up my mind, but I will certainly discuss it properly at that point. I'm really trying to establish that if I do make up my mind and he tries to veto, where I would stand as if I decided to go for it I'd be devastated if I wasn't "allowed".

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