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DP says no to home-ed, how to convince him?!!

(10 Posts)
Lexiejack Sun 10-Jul-11 22:23:49

im in love with the idea of home edding. DS is small for his age, very bright (nursery told me, i thought he was normal lol) and quite a lot of a handful! i feel that he would benefit from home edding at least for a while (he is only 2 at present, im thinking ahead) but DP says no, in his words he doesnt want his children being dumber than a bag of hammers which is what will happen if i teach them! did anyone have any problems convincing their other halfs to home ed and what can i say to try and sway him?

Saracen Sun 10-Jul-11 23:48:07

I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but if your partner really thinks you are so incapable that your children would turn out "dumber than a bag of hammers" if you taught them, then perhaps their education is the least of your worries.

Is this just part of the normal give and take in your family, a joking way that you like to talk to each other, which isn't offensive to you? Or does he seriously have such a low opinion of you, and wants to hurt you by saying so?

My partner had as many doubts as others, but if he'd come out with that particular phrase I would've begun to turn my attention to the challenges of home educating as a single parent!!

picnicinthewoods Tue 12-Jul-11 15:39:44

Hello lexiejack,

The positive thing is you do have plenty of time on your side. My DH took 2 years to be happy with the idea. Basically the idea was just so new to him, he just didnt get it. We had a few discussions & I worked out what his worries were. I didnt hassle him or pressure him atall. But I was serious about it, went away & did all the research, spoKe to HE'ers & collected as much info as poss. During this period I kept quite quiet & didnt talk about it much. I wanted to be sure that this really was best for my kids. Next thing to do would be actuallygoing along to some HE groups and meet HE'ers in RL. After all of this, sit down with your DH & discuss again. If all else fails, do what I did, which was to write my DH a lengthy email outlining how I felt and why HE'ing was a good idea. when he got my email, he immediately said ok. He said I expressed stuff in my email that Id never managed to convey in discussions. He said he realised how passionate I was about HE.
We're doing for a year in Sept and have agreed to review it after that. Id like to do it till mine are 7 at least.

CareyHunt Tue 12-Jul-11 15:48:44


I agree with Picnic. We home ed our 3, and DH was a bit nervous about it in the beginning. The best thing I did was to just suggest that we do it for a limited time, reviewing the decision each year. Dh felt much more comfortable with the idea that we were just 'delaying primary school' than having to make a set in stone decision.

I would also go and meet some home -edders. Join a group in your area. Home -ed kids are usually a brilliant advert for home-education, and that may allay some of his fears.

We found that, as we came to review each year, we felt more and more positive about HE. Meeting older HE kids also helped us to see that it DOES work!

DS1 is 13 now. We don't review now,because for us, HE has worked fantastically! We never even considered sending the others.

Good luck....I hope you get to HE, because it's the best decision we ever made with our children.

SDeuchars Tue 12-Jul-11 17:09:59

I agree about meeting older EHE kids. When mine were small we went along to EO's 25th anniversary camp and the best bit for me was the panel discussion with five EHE young people from 15 to about 25. They were all doing different things (uni at 18 and 25, college, own business, apprenticed from 14) but all were grounded and were doing what they were doing because they wanted to. None of them were fulfilling anyone else's expectations. They were also very comfortable handling a roomfull of adults with lots of questions.

Lexiejack Tue 12-Jul-11 18:50:53

Thank u for all the help. DP says he likes the idea of flexi schooling but even that isn't really financially viable. If anyone has any brilliant work at home ideas that would work round home edding or maybe the winning lottery numbers then feel free to pass them on grin lol

Saracen Tue 12-Jul-11 23:16:07

Have you checked to see which benefits you would receive, based on various levels of income you might have? You can play around with different scenarios using an online benefits checker: That will help you discover how much you'll actually have to earn in order to have the level of household income you need. Possibly you may not need to have such a big earned income as you think.

Also remember that if you qualify for the childcare element of Tax Credits then you could use this against any childcare expenses you might incur. So if you would prefer your children to be looked after by a childminder instead of at school while you work, that could be an affordable alternative. Try entering various childcare costs into the benefits checker to see how much subsidy you might get.

(In case anyone implies that it's "scrounging" to have help from benefits so your dc can be looked after by you or by a CM instead of at school... you could compare the amount of benefit you would receive in either of these situations with the cost to the taxpayer of educating your children at school. The cost of school is surprisingly high. There's a good chance you would actually save the taxpayer money by home educating.)

Lexiejack Wed 13-Jul-11 18:09:54

I'll look into the benefits. Iv just come off income support after me and DP got back together and he's worried about the benefits things and constantly struggling! Trying to get a history degree at the moment so tutoring is an option I guess. If anyone knows what qualifications u need to tutor that would be great!!!
Not sure if anyone is using a Montessori approach but got a brilliant book out the library called child's play that DS (2) has loved!

picnicinthewoods Thu 14-Jul-11 09:25:41

Hi again,
Im hoping to get some tutoring work too. I have a teaching qualification & experience but as far as im aware a degree in your chosen subject is perfectly satisfactory, though perhaps worth looking into familiarising yourself with the History curriculum for the age group youd like to tutor.

Another brilliant Montessori style book is 'I can do it' by Maja Pitamic.

We are more unschooling in approach, but there is an eclectic blend of Montessori & Steiner going on too.

ZZZenAgain Fri 15-Jul-11 10:58:56

I would just do it if I felt really strongly about it - and after a year review it with him and see how he stands. If he thinks it hasn't been good, be willing to try school. When you think about it why should you have to convince him but not he convince you? Who is to decide in the end - the mother or the father?

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