Is it worth getting a tutor for my 6.5 year old daughter?

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, as most of you know, my daughter has SEN's and we were told when she was 4.5, that she was globaly developmentaly delayed by approx 2 years.

Her most recent assessment says that her handwriting and coppying ability is well within average limits for her age, and so are her gross motor skills. I was delighted as you can imagine. They also said that the other things they tested for were significantly lower, as she was being very difficult during assessment eg, changing the rules of the game half way though, when it's being timed. She hid a piece of jigsaw and wasn't at all bothered about getting a high score.

I think she's quite reluctant to show people how much she's capable of. She likes to be babied and often acts a lot younger than she's capable of acting.

She does have very obvious problems with her speech, language and understanding, but I'm very shocked and pleased that some areas are now normal for her age.

I was thinking of getting her a tutor once a week, preferably one who specialises in SEN's. I thought she could give us ideas of what to do at home, and advice about behavural issues etc. I thought it'd be good to have someone who can tel me if she's making progress, as I find it so hard to tell. She changes from day to day, hour to hour even.

She seems to like sitting down with me and doing "work". especially if loads of praise is given.

I think I'd feel more confident if I had someone to ask advice, give me ideas and make sure she's making some sort of progress.

[mummyloveslucy]

I've searged google and I can't find one in our area that specialises in SEN's. There are some for primary children, but they are all after school. My daughter is at her best in the mornings and goes down hill rapidly after about 1pm. I'd have to give her a nap befor seing the totor. I suppose that could work.

Should I ask the LA? Who could I ask who'd have a list of tutors in our area?

[SDeuchars]

MLL, I've been looking at this post and feeling guilty about not replying. It does not sound to me as if your daughter particularly needs a tutor - although you may want one to validate what you are doing. You might find that some of the "after-school" tutors advertise that because they don't expect children to be available except after school. Some of them might be happy to work one morning.

I wish I could come and see you regularly to encourage you and affirm what a great job you are doing. Can you find anyone who would do that (DH? MIL?) in your circle?

IME, it is perfectly normal for young children to have different criteria for success than adults and therefore not to "perform" in the way we'd like - it just isn't a big deal to them (after all, they know what they can do). Changing the rules of the game may not have met the assessment criteria but may show imagination and cleverness (did she change them to ensure she would win, or because she was bored, or because it was too easy?).

Sometimes, as parents, we just have to accept that things are going on and that children are progressing without being able to put numbers on it. Have you been keeping a diary or examples of what your DD has been doing while HE? Then you'll be able to compare what she can do now with what she did then. You've got the recent assessment that shows how much she has progressed since the last one. Can you hold out until the next assessment?

[mummyloveslucy]

Thank you. I suppose I find it hard not knowing what level she's at or what she's capable of. Some days she really supprises me and others she just won't do anything.

Her behaviour is really inconsistant too. I feel ike I could do with a bit of guidance as to how to deal with this as well.
I watch super nanny, hoping to find a child with similar behaviors, but I never do.

I do keep a record of her writing and drawing, so hopefully I'll see a difference as time goes on.

She usually plays up during assessments, I'm not sure why. she tends to act the clown when all eyes are on her, depite loads of encourgement. She probubly didn't like the activity and wanted to do it her way. She does have a very good imagination.

She never liked doing her auditory memory games for speech therapy, so I made her a new game, exactly the same but with charactors from her favourate books. She now loves playing it and asks to do it all the time. I think it's just a case making things appeal to her.

I just really want her to be able to reach her full potential, what ever that may be. I suppose if I had someone advising me how to deal with her behaviors, giving me ideas for games and activities to improve her weaker areas and plotting her progress, I'd feel the pressure was off a bit.

I know that she probubly doesn't need a tutor, but I feel that perhaps I do.

[SDeuchars]

I suppose if I had someone advising me how to deal with her behaviors, giving me ideas for games and activities to improve her weaker areas and plotting her progress, I'd feel the pressure was off a bit.

So many of us would agree with you - from time to time, at least. It is a huge pressure that it is "all you". Except it isn't - the outcome is down to the child. Think about how much more she is getting than if she were in a school. Even on a bad day, she still gets more one-to-one and more consistency from you. You really need to chill and give yourself some time to settle down to HE - you are the expert on your daughter.

Are you on the HE-Special mailing list? Lots of people there have lots of experience of a variety of behaviours and SENs. They'd be able to encourage you and give advice.

[mummyloveslucy]

Thank you, I'll join that mailing list.

[ommmward]

Why don't you find out about Greenspan Floortime therapists in your area? They are so child-centred, playbased and imaginative - they might really help you with some wonderful and respectful ways of learning to interact really well with your child.

[mummyloveslucy]

Sounds good, I'll have a look.

[LauraIngallsWilder]

Hi MLL - I agree with sdeuchars
I think what you need is a confidence boost!
There are heaps of HErs in your area I should think? Why not see if one of them could give you a few tips and time to chat about how things are going.

How about a surestart behaviour worker to offer you some support and hints on how to enjoy your time with your dd more? My surestart worker is absolutely fab - she phones me every month or so to see if Im coping with ds (if I wanted/needed her to she would visit regularly but atm we're doing ok!)

Ive said it before and Ill say it again Im sure you are doing a great job, much better than you think you are!! Also remember she is only 6 so you dont need to panic too much about the future

[wordsmithsforever]

"her handwriting and copying ability is well within average limits for her age, and so are her gross motor skills"

Lucy's Mum: This is fantastic! If she was at school and the teachers had achieved this, you would be singing their praises. It's time to start singing your own!

I agree so very much with what LIW says about you just needing a confidence boost and what SDeuchars said: "Think about how much more she is getting than if she were in a school. Even on a bad day, she still gets more one-to-one and more consistency from you."

I think you should write down a list of the many ways in which her life is so much happier and how much she has come along. Go and read some of your old posts when she was at school just to remind yourself! If I were you, at the top of the list, I would write how much happier and less stressed she must be, then her amazing writing progress, etc. Ask your DH and other supportive family members to help. My mum (84, seriously ill but with a mind as sharp as a tack) is amazing with this sort of thing when I'm having a wobble. She'll tell me how well my DC are doing and just honestly says that she think home ed is the best thing anyone could ever do for a child and I find it helps me such a lot.