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Do HE kids need friendships with other HE kids?

(13 Posts)
homeedmam11 Wed 06-Jul-11 13:21:15

Just wondering, we have now completed our 2nd year HEing, we spent our first year running around trying to make groups etc, that were not particularly that welcoming anyway, their kids had already made friends and did not want newbies joining in. I always thought HE parents and kids would be different but from our experience so far this has not been the case. I will say though we did meet a few nice people along the way too, though have never built any friendships with.
Anyway, the thing is my 8 yrs old dd needs to build friendships with other kids doing HE, because we have no family at all in this country, and because it would be good for her to have this in common with a close friend .(we feel)
She does regularly see one of our neighbours and has a baby brother.
We are also looking for families who would like to meet up.
Also in the groups we attended there was not one other family who had had a child in school, and I was told they do not mix with the groups.
Does anyone else not attend groups, any success stories with friendship outside of groups please? smile I need hope.!

seeker Wed 06-Jul-11 13:25:53

Have you tried Brownies and Cubs?
As a HE adult i would say that this is really important - not necessarily friendships with other HE children but a wide social circle from as wide a variety of backgrounds as possible.

homeedmam11 Wed 06-Jul-11 13:28:17


Yes, we have considered this type of thing but we are moving very soon and think its wise to wait and join up then.
She was doing violin but got bored, and has swimming lessons which she

ommmward Wed 06-Jul-11 14:35:49

The majority of our friends are people who use schools for at least some of their children. We do a lot of our socialising at weekends and in holidays with them; we have lots of friends with pre-schoolers who we hang out with on non-nursery days. In fact, at the moment, there are only 2 families we see regularly who are also HEing. It's not that I don't want to socialise with more HEing families, it's that my diary is full!

Tarenath Wed 06-Jul-11 16:48:15

I don't think HE children necessarily need other HE friends. DS is 4 and attends a drama class, spends time at the playground with other kids etc but we don't really have anyone over for playdates and he doesn't really have a "best friend" at the moment. He's more than happy to play with anyone who comes along. We don't currently attend HE groups. I tried it for a while but found them a bit like you did. I decided we didn't need to attend them to meet his social needs.

MrsvWoolf Wed 06-Jul-11 19:23:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

homeedmam11 Wed 06-Jul-11 21:54:25


JazminKennedy Thu 07-Jul-11 00:01:02

That's a real shame. Where are you based? We have a huge home ed community in Manchester. My kids, 6 and 5 have regular playdates with fellow homeschooled kids. I have no probs my kids mixing with school kids- but we only have the one child in our area who goes to school (heavily student populated area!) And we are fortunate enough to have lots of family members, none whom homeschool btw. My kids go gymnastic and drama but the other kids barely socialise with them as they all go to school together and have already 'bonded' amongst themselves.

throckenholt Thu 07-Jul-11 08:47:38

we had a similar experience with HE groups locally - the parents were friendly enough but the kids weren't -they had their group and didn't really want newbies to join in.

We gave up going (partly because it was a long way and not very often so didn't seem worth persuing). We have joined cubs instead which is at least weekly and local - and the kids say they are much more friendly and welcoming.

We haven't tried much more because they still have friends from school that they play with and also because I have 3 close in age they aren't lonely like dd may be.

So I think as with all things in life HE groups vary from place to place and over time - if you find one that suits great - if not then you have to make other contacts - most likely by joining local groups for kids (either formal or informal).

FionaJNicholson Thu 07-Jul-11 08:55:38

I would count local home educating parents among my best friends and this was from going to the weekly group for years as well as meeting some mums outside the group. My son on the other hand has only ever been mildly interested in other home ed children. We went to the group because I thought we ought to socialise and because I thought we ought to support the group. Plus I definitely needed the contact with other home educating parents! Having said that though I think it's a shame for the group when families stop going as soon as they've found a few friends.

nickschick Thu 07-Jul-11 09:05:47

I H.E I dont 'do' the clubs or groups partly cos im not sure there is a local one and partly because we have a busy day anyway ......all 3 of my ds have been H.E at some point but ds3 has never been to school,for a long time he was quite shy and reserved but I think even in a school environment he would have been the 'quiet' child - as it is now hes 10 hes developed his own sense of friendships and plays out most evening with his schooled friends and doesnt know a single child who is H.E like him.

Nobody has ever commented on his 'educational difference' hes just a regular child- I think any child finds their place socially when 'ready'.

seeker Thu 07-Jul-11 09:26:34

"I think any child finds their place socially when 'ready'."

I agree. But parents - and particularly HE parents - have to be alert to this and keep offering opportunities for social interaction, even if they don;t work.

nickschick Thu 07-Jul-11 10:21:53

Yes thats true Seeker,I think with ds3 the difference was that whilst he was H.E his brothers were at secondary school and I have a wide circle of friends with children and links with the youth group etc so it was never really an 'opt out' for ds not to have social interaction with other children.

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