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SEN & Home Ed.

(18 Posts)
Praline Mon 13-Jun-11 19:05:33

I find myself going down this route again. DS almost 7 with SEN, absolutely hates school, cant cope, bright & happy at home etc. Classic ADHD, dyspraxia, possible dyslexia etc.. I really think he would be better Home Ed, he is much easier to deal with at home, we do some work for 30mins, have a run round, back to work, at school he cannot stay in chair etc. He is also of course happier. Have DD 4, starting school in Sept, who I forsee no probs at school, she is very intelligent, and will show them a thing or too. But my boy, he is so little to be miserable all the time. There is no question for you, I really want someone to say, do it, its the right thing, & bugger everyone else. DH would support me, his family would not

conrsikl Mon 13-Jun-11 19:06:46

do it...wish I had

FionaJNicholson Mon 13-Jun-11 19:42:57

My son's 18 now and I have never for one moment regretted home educating. Ultimately if your extended family doesn't accept your decision, then that's their loss.

julienoshoes Mon 13-Jun-11 20:37:13

I've home educated three children from the ages of 13, 11 and 8. All had SEN, a mixture of ASD/severe dyslexia/ADHD/dyspraxia/dsygraphia.
They were so unhappy in school and we've had so much fun, since deregistering them. My children are all grown now and are all happy, self confident individuals confidently following their own paths.
I'm with Fiona, not a moment's regret.
Many families don't approve in the beginning, they do worry, you'd be doing something that goes against the norm, against what 'everyone' says is important and best for children, but it is their problem, not yours. You know your child best.

but hey yes do it, bugger everyone else.

and go find the real experts on HE and SEN.....the parents who are actually doing it, on the Home Ed Special Needs email support list

IslaValargeone Mon 13-Jun-11 20:42:16

I think lots of families think shock it is so difficult for them to think outside the box of what is normal and conventional.
Do you actually need their support? Everything in your post screams that you want to do it,and think your son would benefit from it.So here I'm saying "Do it, it's the right thing and bugger everyone else!

wordsmithsforever Mon 13-Jun-11 22:08:03

I'd say go for it - purely on the basis that he is so unhappy. As you say, he is so little to be miserable! I reckon happiness can be vastly underrated in terms of education choices.

I was with a group of mums recently and the one mentioned how pleased she was to have had confirmation that her DS was "in" at a local school with a great reputation where she herself went. In the next breath, she said she'd hated every day of the 10-odd years she'd been there (school goes up to secondary)!

"Why?" I said, "Why send your DS somewhere you yourself were unhappy?" She said the school achieves excellent academic results, etc, etc, but hell! Is 12 years of a child's misery worth that?

Hopefully her DS won't be unhappy and hopefully she will respond if he is but it got me thinking how underrated a child's happiness can be ... and can a child really learn effectively when they are miserable? I don't think so.

Saracen Tue 14-Jun-11 00:24:53

I agree: happiness matters above all else. If I had to choose between giving my children a happy childhood or a miserable childhood with a good education, I would give them happiness every time.

Luckily I don't have to choose. I share a belief which is widespread among home educating parents (though I don't know whether there is any scientific evidence for it), and that is that when they are happy, they are learning and when they are learning, they are happy.

Do it, it's the right thing. Your son will thank you for it now and in the future.

streakybacon Tue 14-Jun-11 07:27:47

I've been home educating my 12 year old ds with AS and ADHD for just over two and a half years, and I'm astonished at how far he's progressed in that time that simply wouldn't have been possible with the stress he was under in school. He was miserable, angry and had no friends, no support and no after-school time either because he was always too angry and hysterical at the end of each day to make a social life possible.

He is a different boy - happy, achieving, has friends, loves life. My only regret is that I didn't do it much sooner and prevented some of the horrors he had to go through before I did.

Go for it. I'm sure it will be the right thing and you won't regret it.

mycarscallednev Tue 14-Jun-11 08:43:23

I have my son back, after two hidious years whilst he was treated with distain at school due to his SEN. He is now being educated, in a way that suits him, and he can manage. Just as the school should have been doing - he had a 30 hour SSEN. From not being able to read/write/sit still/concentrate, he is now doing all these things and much, much more. People will think you are mad - but the proof is here - it works, and both you and your child will be so much happier. If people ask you to justify it - ask them to show justification for keeping SEN [and many other non Statemented] children at school when they are being failed by the system. Good luck - go for it, you'll wish you'd done it years ago. xx

Praline Wed 15-Jun-11 20:32:36

Thank you everyone, I am sat here having a weep. But my mind is made up I think.

Jamillalliamilli Thu 16-Jun-11 16:59:01

When you’ve dried your eyes, hi from another SEN home edder. :-)
Be gentle on those poor in laws, as Isla says it's hard to think outside the box after years of conditioning. I certainly didn't when we were pushed out as 'child no longer mentally fit to continue'.
We'd hung on in there for years with me thinking there was no other option, and it was hard for me to face up to the fact that I'd been supporting school to fail him, and it was then that I understood why people can't bear to accept it's not working.

When I did find out about home ed, I'm afraid for us I saw it as just a last desperate retreat from 'failing' school, which I only accepted when so much damage was done, that not going really couldn't be worse.

Everything seemed so broken and I didn't expect a happy ending, but it turned out that we were about to embark on a fantastic journey, hard work but incredibly rewarding, and here we are in an unbelievable turnaround, emotionally, socially and academically, happy, confident, and despite all predictions, yomping our way through exams and aiming way higher than anyone could have guessed. Only regrets are not doing it sooner. :-)

SockMunkee Thu 16-Jun-11 17:02:55

If I hadnt removed my son from school I really do think he would either have harmed himself or had a complete breakdown.
He is like a different boy. Other people come round to the idea once its explained to them imo

c0rn51lk Thu 16-Jun-11 18:16:59

is there a problem taking your child out of the system to home ed under any of these circumstances:
school refuser
in special school

FionaJNicholson Thu 16-Jun-11 20:40:32

The following applies specifically to England. If you deregister a child from mainstream school after a history of non-attendance (eg because of school refusal) you may find the local authority treats you as home educating to avoid prosecution or "for negative reasons." This doesn't actually affect your legal position, it just means you might encounter some prejudice at first. In addition, all this would be after the event ie it wouldn't prevent you from taking your child out of school for elective home education in the first place, because you aren't required to get permission from anyone before you do that.

Where the child is a registered pupil at a secondary school the consent of the local authority is required before the child's name can be removed from the school roll. This is sometimes misquoted as saying the child has to keep ATTENDING the school until permission is granted, but that's not actually what the regulations say.

I've got information about this on my website

edyourself.org/articles/helaw.php#specialneeds
edyourself.org/articles/deregistration.php

FionaJNicholson Fri 17-Jun-11 05:57:44

sorry I just noticed typo and not sure how to edit my post! it should read

"Where the child is a registered pupil at a special school" NOT secondary school!

edyourself.org/articles/helaw.php#specialneeds

dellym Sat 18-Jun-11 14:30:56

Hi,
I took my son out on tuesday of this week after agonising for ages. He has Aspergers and Dyspraxia and things had got so bad that i was finding him crying silent tears saying he wanted to die. He's 9.
Spent Tuesday after de-registering him from school mostly throwing up lol cos I'd shocked even myself by doing it!
Saturday now and even though its only been a few days I can see my long ago happy child starting to return to me. He's been so lost and lonely for so long. I feel so guilty for not doing it sooner.
If your child is unhappy he/she won't learn efficiently anyway. I say do it.
I'm under no illusions that every is going to be great but what I do know is that my son wants to learn and is always eager to please me. Teachers don't always recognise kids that try sooooo hard and subsequently some give up trying.
Do what your stomach and heart is telling you to do.

wordsmithsforever Sat 18-Jun-11 18:24:05

Well done dellym - your son is so blessed to have a mum who listened to what he was saying and felt his pain. Don't worry, I can so identify with what you have gone through this week. On my DD's last day of school, I also took to bed in shock, physically ill. The voice of society telling us that school is what our children need is so strong but rest assured that you are his mum and know him best and have done what your gut was (very loudly!) telling you to do! grin Those little glimmers of your real boy shining through are going to get stronger and stronger.

dellym Sat 18-Jun-11 18:55:30

awww, thanks for that! I certainly hope so. x

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