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To HE or not to HE?

(4 Posts)
doggytreats Wed 12-Jan-11 12:28:31

Hi

A bit of a ramble - sorry!!

My DS3 is 10 and is quite a sensitive lad. He's a very bright boy, talked in sentences from 15 months, read fluently by Year 2, amazing memory for facts and information.

He seems very sad though - he has suffered from migraines on and off since he started pre-school at 2 1/2 and compulsively sucks his thumb and twists his hair to the extent that he has 2 bald patches at the front of his head.

I try to discuss how he's feeling with him and last night this resulted in him breaking down and telling me that he hates his life. He has a few close friends at school but otherwise doesn't really enjoy it - he gets bored when he's not stretched. He seems very 'shut down' - he rarely goes out, he just wants to sit on the sofa.

He likes learning but likes to find his own subject and fully explore it. I have talked to his school and they say his test results are top of the year but his day to day work is fairly poor and unrepresentative of his intelligence.

I have HE'd in the past with his younger brother as I was very unhappy with his school but we moved 18 months ago and since then they have all been in school. DS4 who is 7 has medical problems that have resulted in him missing a fair bit of school and his school now feel his is very far behind but have decided he is 'lazy' and are now pushing him harder - he gets sent to the head if he doesn't do a piece of work or homework. I have been told that the school doubts that he will leave primary education any more that barely literate. When he was HE I felt that he progressed well as he had much more help and attention and he is slipping backwards in school.

DH isn't keen on my HE them as he feels they will miss out socially but I feel they are increasingly unhappy and not thriving in the school environment - albeit for different reasons.

Sorry for the ramble.

Thanks x

ommmward Wed 12-Jan-11 14:56:23

If your children would prefer HE then go for it! Especially if you've done it before.

1) can you maintain connections with current friends from school? If so, that will help reassure your DH.

2) are there any local HE groups?

3) after a few months of HE, let your son(s) explore their interests through group activities if relevant - but don't put the pressure on to start that sort of stuff immediately.

Please also remember that if you are HEing two of your children, then perhaps the biggest opportunity you are giving them is to create a really wonderful sibling dynamic, even if they don't get on that well at the moment.

Chaotica Wed 12-Jan-11 15:00:59

Sounds like HE would be a good idea if your children want to as well.

julienoshoes Wed 12-Jan-11 16:40:00

OP this sounds so much like my children 10 years ago.
Ds told us he hated his life too.
Dd1 was headed for trouble because they were not recognising her difficulties 'she is not trying' they said, and Dd2 left school aged nearly 9 completely unable to read or spell even her own name!!

We deregistered them and home educated following their own interest and spent our life having fun and learning as we went along.

Ds is at Uni now, Dd1 and Dd2 are at FE college scoring distinctions as they go. Both are considering whether to go on to Uni.
I think Dd1 will but Dd2 says she will go back later and do a degree in law or politics.

Whatever they do, it is masses better than they would ever have done if I had left them in school!

Find yourselves a local HE group if you can, consider joining in HE activities nationally and locally and see what after school clubs your children would be interested in.

My children had a social life that was the envy of their schooled peers and cousins!

Truly my only regret was that we didn't do it earlier!

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