Student Parties - What should my DS do?

(12 Posts)
Faybian Sun 25-Oct-20 09:23:05

My DS is in his first year at Uni, living in halls. Out of the 7 flatmates one keeps having parties late at night, two in a row during the most recent weekend! My DS and four of the others stay in their rooms with the doors locked, the other joins in but doesn't invite people back. This morning they awoke to the flat in a terrible mess with bottles everywhere and some of their food cupboards trashed. One flatmate is ill with tonsilitis and was kept awake half the night. She is now saying she want to leave. The problem is they are all living together and can't socialise with other people so they are pretty reliant on each other and reluctant to report his behaviour to the university, they also don't want to get him into trouble, but what else can they do, he just ignores their complaints?

OP’s posts: |
nimbuscloud Sun 25-Oct-20 09:25:16

I’d report him. Selfish git.

HowFastIsTooFast Sun 25-Oct-20 09:30:34

Report the selfish little dick. If 4 out of 7 are locking themselves away in their rooms the 4 of them are the majority, they should approach the Uni together.

BlackPuddingEggs Sun 25-Oct-20 10:48:52

They need to report. The reason he has hosted the parties is because the other students who attend know their flat mates will report them.

MissMarplesGlove Sun 25-Oct-20 10:59:10

reluctant to report his behaviour to the university, they also don't want to get him into trouble, but what else can they do, he just ignores their complaints?

Please advise your DS to contact the Hall sub-dean or warden - there are usually residents on-site who are (for example) PhD students, whose job is to help younger students deal with this sort of thing in as gentle a way as possible. It's a pastoral role (I did it when a PhD student), and a kind of halfway between doing nothing and going to the University authorities who could throw him out.

If the sub-dean/warden/advisor/pastoral tutor knows, they can have a quiet word with the selfish git your DS is living with.

Your DS's flatmate is a selfish git, but they have to live together ... unless they can arrange for this anti-social flatmate to be moved.

alirohat Sun 25-Oct-20 11:59:14

Have any of them actually told him to his face that they don't like his behaviour? Have the 4 of them warned him that they don't want to, but they will report if doesn't change? They are adults so need to tackle this themselves (with a bit of advice from Mums obviously! :-) )

OllysArmy Sun 25-Oct-20 12:16:15

DD is a fresher this year and in her halls they are quite strict and if they hear or discover a party it is broken up quite swiftly. Coukd your DS find someone to have a word with who maybe pays a visit

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Faybian Mon 26-Oct-20 10:41:39

Thanks for all your helpful answers, I have passed them on. They do not seem to be recieving any pastoral support from the halls which I think is pretty bad under the circumstances. I think the university is underestimating the amount of support they have lost from their fellow students, lecturers etc. It seems they are all very isolated and I feel dreadfully sorry for all of them.

OP’s posts: |
MissSarahThane Mon 26-Oct-20 11:02:19

They do not seem to be recieving any pastoral support from the halls

Have they asked for any? The halls, or the university generally, can't deal with a problem if they don't know about it.

pasanda Mon 26-Oct-20 11:25:35

Which uni is this. Sounds terrible that there is nobody to approach

smew Mon 26-Oct-20 11:27:23

Get tested for CoV
My son is a fresher in halls and lots of them tested positive after an outbreak of “tonsillitis “

Badbadbunny Mon 26-Oct-20 11:33:36

He needs to report it to as many Uni officials as possible. Similar happened with my son, who reported to the college principal, but there was no action taken, so he reported it to the student standards officer, campus security, etc., still no action. He then reported it to his course tutors etc., and eventually the message finally hit home. Unfortunately, some Uni officials seem to be trivialising covid related issues and not acting upon them. Best thing for your son is to send the same email to basically all the relevant uni officials on the same email, so they can all see who it's been sent to which makes it harder for them to ignore.

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