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would like to learn from mothers - what was mot important in secondary education years...(18 Posts)
I realise how many mistakes I have done in primary school eductaion - tutors, nagging, not enough time for reading together ( work commitments). Most importantly me being stressed - through work, high expectations, little attention to personality development...I would really like to learn from experienced mothers who had children through secondary education - what is the most important do you think in growing their personalities as well as academic side? Thank you
Every child is different & has different needs. I take a very hands off approach with mine. Eg Their homework is their responsibility & they are the ones who will have to deal with any consequences of not doing it so I leave it to them. But that won’t work for everyone. Some parents still proof read their children’s work right up to uni stage! Personally I would have hated that as a teenager.
But I help them with things like university applications by doing my own research & then we can have conversations where I can throw out helpful suggestions. I also look up dates for open days so we can book those in time.
The main thing is to keep communicating. Sometimes this is easier when you are driving them somewhere than when you are sitting round the dining table.
This board is for university level education - you'd be best reporting your post and asking MNHQ to move it to the secondary education board.
I think as a parent you are needed even more in the secondary years than in the primary years. It's different needs, and harder too as DCs want independence, and have hormones surging. But generally they still need to know you are there for them, supporting them and in their corner when troubles come along. They just don't want to ask for help 😁Add mind-reading to your list of essential parenting skills.
@Seeline describes my experience!
What I've learnt along the way.
Don't try too hard to turn parenthood into a profession. It's not about diligent planning, expertise and taking control of outcomes.
If you report your thread and get it moved to secondary education it may help with responses. Higher Education is university level and Further Education is 16-18 so sixth forms and colleges.
But what I have learned about secondary age children is you need to teach them about where to get information from, what sources you can trust (Britannica) and what sources to not trust implicitly due to editing (Wikipedia) how many sources to check and don't always click the top link.
Plus just a general wider reading of subjects so when Ds2 had stuff about the Grand Canyon we watched YouTube videos by the National Parks service about the Grand Canyon.
I found it helpful to ask about what they had done in each subject each day rather than a generic have you had a good day. Ds1 wanted help in year 7 for me to just sit with him for some subjects, English, Drama, History, Geography, Ethics, Religion and Philosophy but was fine with maths, science, music, art. This was more to guide than do the work.
I helped with layout for posters to teach him the skills needed, worked out which method worked best for revision and he built on that. Ds2 has always been a very independent learner until now when he is covering GCSE stuff in year 9. Factual maths, science, all fine, English poetry and what the hell is that supposed to mean, I help with, we discuss it.
At the end you hope you have helped your child enough to understand the importance of education, to help them to become independent and manage their time well.
I would add personal organisation skills to this list.
Secondary often involves a move away from one class/ few teachers at primary, where work is done in exercise books to a much more overwhelming combination of different teachers, different classes, with LOADS and LOADS of paperwork - print outs/ past papers/exercises/ reading material. You need to help them get into good habits early on, or they will get to their first year exams and stare at a pile of unsorted notes for 8 different subjects!
Good organisation is key, as is a space to work and file things. Get them used to sorting out/ filing/ sticking in schoolwork on a weekly basis. A4 binders with sub-dividers are good. Also planning work, as it will no longer simply be 'do it for tomorrow' - they will need to learn to juggle and plan out deadlines/extra curricular etc.
Buy a peer group (if your child is bright enough) in a very selective school were 100% go to top universities (as their friends not their parents matter most as teens).
I have learnt that children have different ways of organising themselves and working. DD chipped away at all homework tasks and revision, never leaving anything til the last minute. DS was last minute.com. He completed everything to a high level but it was all done at the 11th hour. Both DC got near identical GCSE results. I wish I had not stressed so much over DS.
I also learnt the importance of giving each child individual time, whether that is an evening walk or a day out. Sometimes having that individual time gives you a real insight into their lives as they open up more about school, friendships and how they are feeling.
Set some ground rules with phones right from the beginning. That's my biggest regret. Mine are both completely addicted but it would be too hard to reel back now.
Encourage them to develop a couple of extra-curricular activities - sport, drama, music etc that will help them develop friendships. The secondary kids I see hanging around getting into trouble are the ones that hang around without any interests/hobbies.
Ditto the rules about phones/screens etc - but don't be too punitive, especially in the mid teens onwards, as this is how they communicate.
If your child is a DS - keep an eye out for gaming obssession.
Leave the DC to it - unless they seem to be going massively off the rails (stress on massively. A bit off the rails is fairly standard I'd have thought).
I've never known which DC is doing what in terms of syllabus, homework etc and it doesn't seem to have done any of them any harm. Indeed they agree that my not intervening, while showing a general interest in exam results and uni applications etc, has been far more beneficial than the more interventionist parenting they've seen with some of their peers.
The only thing I ever did with all eight of mine was to teach them to read.
I've also never monitored phone usage/ xbox etc despite having four boys - they work out the balance themselves.
I agree with previous posters that you need to know when to take a back seat, and when not to. I stressed a lot over DD's secondary education. One thing to remember is that all children mature at different rates, and while some just get on with it and self-regulate, like Goodbyestranger’s, some simply aren't emotionally mature enough to study for GCSEs without extra support.
I would absolutely say that once your child reaches year 10 they need to be taking their education seriously, and this is not the time to be hands off if they aren’t coping. Some parents will advise leave them to it, but unfortunately, since the demise of AS levels, and now the uncertain future due to the current crisis, GCSEs will matter more than ever.
Ginfordinner I've had some DC veering way off course - as in nearly expelled - for messing around in Y11 but they all came good in the end. So the idea that they all self-regulated is a bit misleading, in that it suggests no veering, when there's actually been a statistically significant amount of veering (as you'd expect with strong minded DC). I've always remembered a lovely kindergarten teacher with years of experience saying that it was her firm belief that all DC are disruptive at some point in their school career - or should be - so I've only reacted with an occasional low level remonstration or nag.
I don't know what OP means by 'growing their personalities'
On the off chance it means resilience, I failed with the first DC, 2nd could conquer the world, 3rd has boundaries he feels comfortable in. 4th is very sensitive but not overall unhappy. I don't see how I made any of them be like that.
I've often let them risk failure & tried to show them that failure is something that folk can overcome.
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