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DD unsure of whether to drop out or not

(4 Posts)
questioner123 Sun 22-Dec-19 15:55:41

Hello

We are currently in a very tough situation. DD was mostly enjoying university and plodding on until it all came to a head in the last few weeks of term- she realised that a so called 'friend' had truly been bullying and mentally abusing her. This girl is on her course and in her group of friends, all of whom didn't believe my DD when she told them about the final incident which occurred by the girl leading to my DD rushing home, before which my DD was in such a state that her flatmates ended up calling for student support team to visit her.

My DD panicked and said she didn't want to go back and face her ever again- or her 'group'- as this girl is the ring leader and has painted a bad picture and created a lack of respect for my DD. They were also all meant to be living together next year, and now my DD has no one to live with- she tried other options but all have already signed.

However she is now in a state of depression, won't get out of bed as she feels she has nothing- no purpose or anything to do. She says a part time job wont fill the void of all her friends having fun and furthering their lives when this is all she wants but can't have. I feel so so sorry for her.

I just don't know what to do to help her. She is saying she can commute, but it is an hour journey each way and I don't know if this will be good for her. Please help.

OP’s posts: |
Stillabitemo Sun 22-Dec-19 18:55:40

A few things
- does she have any exams in January? If she can switch her focus to these that might be good for her
- if she’s in halls she should be able to move halls to a different one. Contact uni accommodation department from 6th January onwards. You’ll be contracted to pay it for the whole year so this might be an easy way for her to avoid them as much as possible and get a fresh start.
- if student support were called out to visit her, what was the outcome of that? Can she access counselling or a befriending service?
- does she take part in any societies? These will re-recruit in Jan for refreshers so she could look to broaden her horizons there.
- I wouldn’t panic too much about living arrangements for next year yet - the main priority needs to be your daughter getting back on an even keel and enjoying university. Accommodation for second year can be looked at in a few months - lots of people rush to get sorted before Christmas but realistically there is a lot of movement after Christmas with people dropping out or falling out. There should be a housing fair at the uni around March to support those who still need a place. Again accommodation can tell you when this is.

hairquestions2019 Mon 23-Dec-19 08:06:31

This sounds very difficult, much sympathy to your dd and you. Stillabitemo's advice is good - next year's accommodation may well sort itself out as people drop out of arrangements, look for replacements etc. And advice to join new societies in January is good as well - maybe do some volunteering as well?
So, is the situation that dd's group of friends has effectively dropped her after she has fallen out with one of them? If so that is so upsetting - unfortunately I think it's not that uncommon at university, as groups who initially click in the first term then shift, argue and so on - and it can be really crushing. It's particularly difficult as the other student is on the same course as your dd, so they'll still be seeing each other. Are there quite a lot of students on this course? - if so it may be possible to avoid too close contact, and get to know some of the other students.

Loveautumnsky Tue 24-Dec-19 12:51:46

I agree to try to encourage your DD to move her attention to her degree, try to get good score for exams. Find ways to avoid those girls,then she may develop other friendship along the way.

Some people really work so hard to get the degree done, I know a DC who couldn't afford the accommodation at university as her dad suddenly lost job. She lived at home, travel 2 hrs by train to university, she had to use online lecture resources a lot to minimum her travel and had to work part time, but she did it in the end and got her degree and found a good job.

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