Y2 DS - best mate left uni today....

(10 Posts)
Miljah Thu 24-Oct-19 11:08:28

DS isn't great at making friends so this is a real blow.

This mate was on the same course as DS and house sharing with him as well, which throws up a host of different issues.

I am trying to be upbeat with DS but I fear he's going to be lonely seeing as friendship groups have been established already.

The mate is restarting Y2 next Sept apparently. He's left for medical reasons and is a EU student so is going home to his home country for further medical treatment, which is all obviously pretty awful for him, as well. DS can't really ask the mate if he's going to keep paying for the room at this point as the mate is in hospital.

DS was with the mate in hospital last night, and said to me when he got home that it might be the last time he sees this mate which is upsetting in its own right. If the mate does ever return to uni, DS will be away on his Y3 'year in industry', anyway.

Anyway, I've told DS he could come home this w/e (mate's family are flying over to accompany him home and straight into that hospital). I hope he does.

No particular reason for posting, just feeling down about it all, the mate being so unwell, and how much it is likely to upset DS and what will happen with the household finances.

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MillicentMartha Thu 24-Oct-19 14:50:28

That sounds hard, Miljah. Is it just the 2 of them in the house share? Could he advertise on the SU Facebook page that they’ll have a room going? That way they can vet whoever takes it on. There may well be people in other flats etc, who are keen to move.

Miljah Thu 24-Oct-19 15:58:20

There are two girls in the flat as well; DS and his mate found them on a SU site.

They seem fine but both have serious boyfriends.

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summerflower2 Fri 25-Oct-19 12:59:12

It must be hard for your DS.

For finance side, did you DS and his friend sign the contract with landlord separately? I don't think your DS will have to pay for his friend if in this case, the landlord will advertise the room once his friend has decided to stop the tenancy with the landlord.

Miljah Fri 25-Oct-19 13:04:10

No, I think they'll all be liable for the room.

We took out insurance against this, though ('My share only') but this will go down like a lead balloon with the other two flatmates. We did this because we'd heard that LLs chase their best chance of extracting money, who would be us as the mate is an overseas student, and the other two students both struggled to get rent guarantors.

The mate has said he'll pay November's bill (tho is of course legally liable for all of it....🤨).

I've suggested to DS that someone needs to verbally ask the mate to pay up til Xmas to buy them all time.

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Djimino Sun 27-Oct-19 00:07:14

What an awful situation. I know the lad is in hospital but I think your son and the other flat mates should still ask (insist!) that he pays the rent on his room for the rest of the year. They could offer to try and find someone to take on the room but I don't think they should offer to pay for it.

Miljah Sun 27-Oct-19 00:33:30

Yes, it's all pretty grim. How can he get 'heavy' with his mate, who, being a bit medical myself, appears to have a life threatening condition?

I do think DS needs to tell his mate he will be expected to stump up til they find an alternative. One of DS's mates from home was a possible contender but it's a 30 mile drive to work for him, and, as a worker, weirdly, tho there will be 3 students in the house, he'd be liable for 75% of the £2000 council tax!!! ... which is obviously unaffordable to a lad on minimum wage. So he's ruled out.

God knows what will happen, it's such a mess.

DS is really down. Mate is still local, as in, in the local (major DGH) hospital. No idea what factors will release him into the care of ^ his parents^ (who are staying in their son's house share room, right now) to all fly together to their capital city in order for him to be immediately admitted to their 'top hospital' and be treated there.

DS is seeing mate tomorrow, in hospital.

This is horrible for mate, and for my son.

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Djimino Sun 27-Oct-19 08:54:00

That is just an awful, awful situation. I was just thinking that the parents might have no issue at all paying the rent so, despite the terrible circumstances, it might still be ok for your son and the girls to raise it.

If I put yourself in the parents position I would definitely want to pay. I'd be happy to pay. I guess it depends on their financial situation a bit. It might not be an issue to them at all.

Also, what about contacting the university. Might this be the type of situation where they might help financially? Perhaps it's worth a try.

I still think it's ok to mention it. Your son is still being a good friend to his friend. It's a very sad situation. The poor lad and his poor parents.

I hope you son is ok. This type of thing can really affect people his age. Even for confident easy going kids things can get a bit difficult at Uni.

Miljah Sun 27-Oct-19 15:40:40

Thank you. Yes, it's an unmitigated disaster.

DS is with his mate, in hospital, right now. Hopefully there might be a bit more clarity, and while of course I am desperately sorry for this lad, and what all this means for him, it breaks my heart when DS says to me, when he leaves the hospital, that it might be the last time he sees his mate, as, at any moment, the hospital can decide to release him, from whence it's straight on a plane, home.

Though it's not the same, my sixth form career was blighted by the sudden departure of my best mate, 2 terms in. I was lost.

DS is coming home next Friday for a few days. I am hoping I can get him to talk. He is tending to avoid questions I'm asking like 'Have you and the other flatmates actually sat down to talk through your options, yet?'....

I hope the mate does keep paying til they can replace him, though.

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Miljah Sun 27-Oct-19 15:43:10

Actually, 'unmitigated disaster' is an over dramatisation- the mate dropping down dead, which could have happened- would be that.

The surgery he needs (as far as I can gather) is far from risk free, as well.

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