Anyone else really sad that they’re teenagers have left home to go to uni?

[ComeOnGordon]

Dd left last weekend and I am unbearably sad. I’m shocked that it’s as bad as I worried it would be. I’ve got other kids at home so it’s not an empty nest situation but I miss her. I’m trying to think of the positives (Shes doing exactly what she wants to do and is happy and having a good time, I’m not having to buy as much food, the house is cleaner since we’re all out at school and work all day) but these still aren’t bringing me out of my gloom.

And she’s been in contact lots so I know that she’s enjoying it but I still can’t shake this sadness.

Anyone else sad? Any tips to make it get better?

[ComeOnGordon]

Mortifying typo in the title!! Their their their

[ElfrideSwancourt]

I felt exactly the same when my eldest DD went to uni - I really grieved for the first term.
It does get easier with time.

[ComeOnGordon]

I don’t feel quite so ridiculous now that someone else has felt it. You’re right grieving is the right word. I’ve cried again this morning. And a proper big sobbing cry.

[ArsenicGreen]

For me, it was the realisation (and fear) that she was now on her own. Two years on we are mainly used to it, and gearing up for DD2 leaving next year.

[897654321abcvrufhfgg]

I hate to use the word grief but it feels like that. I have 3 other children but am mourning our family unit never being the same again.

[ComeOnGordon]

@ArsenicGreen do you think you’ll feel the same when your next daughter leaves? Or have you learned some ways to cope with it? I also worry about my dd being out there on her own - I’ve tried to prepare her for leaving home because I always knew she would leave (we don’t live anywhere near a uni) but it’s still hard to think of her out there in the world alone

@89765 I wonder if you’re on to something. My marriage broke down 2 years ago after he had an affair and I think even tho I think I coped with that situation fairly well, this has brought some of that feeling back again - our family unit has changed again.

[ArsenicGreen]

I will be a little sad, but have no/fewer/different worries about her, so am sure it will be very different! I am not worried about that.

[BlueCowWonders]

I agree that it's a type if mourning for the changed family unit. It'll never be the same again.
Different yes, better maybe. But not the same. And the adjustment takes time

[crimsonlake]

It is never the same again, but believe me they are home a lot from uni.
My 2 started the same year and I was a single parent, now that was a big adjustment.
I found it a roller coaster for the first couple of years as they would visit term time regularly...the looking forward to it, then the upset of them leaving again. I think by the third year I stopped getting teary everytime they left.
Youngest went straight in to a job and lives away, so it does feel final now and he will probably never live at home again. That saddens me, but it is how it should be and I am pleased and proud of him. My eldest is about to go abroad for several months having been home for a few months since finishing his finals. They really are grown up now and sometimes all I want to do is make them small again.

[jaguar67]

sometimes all I want to do is make them small again

This, absolutely! And didn't we all think it was so difficult at the time - oh to have those days back!

OP - many, many people experience the same and it is just a matter of giving yourself time - the adjustment will happen and as crimsonlake says, they are home an awful lot!

Personally, the build up to both DCs leaving was worse than the reality - although it didn't stop me having a damn good blub after drop off for each and feelings of emptiness in the days after.

I have a mantra - 'they are neither dead, nor have they gone to war' - which has absolutely helped when a moment of sadness kicks in. Hearing them both happy and younger one settling in definitely makes me realise DH & I have done something right.

OP - it DOES get better, you're not being daft or anything like it, just hold tight for the moment xx

[ComeOnGordon]

Thanks for all your lovely responses 🥰 I couldn’t reply when I read them as they made my eyes wet 😢

I’m going to try to steal that mantra - I have said a few times “I know she’s not dead”

I also agree I’d love them to be small again - she was an easy kid from beginning to now which is perhaps what’s making it harder. I really enjoy her company and love snuggling on the couch with her of an evening when she’s not going out with a bottle of wine and watching queer eye. My other kids are boys who, as much as I love them, are still young enough to be a different kind of company.

@crimsonlake glad to hear they come home lots but worried that’ll set me off again once she goes back. I’ll just try to treasure the time I get with her

[Lordamighty]

I was bereft when my eldest DD went to uni. This lasted until the first Christmas holidays, which seemed to go on forever, we all breathed a sigh of relief when she went back (lighthearted for the avoidance of any doubt, we all adore her).

[Serin]

Yeah it takes some getting used to OP, is she far away? I used to send little gifts in the post and silly pictures on what's app.
It gets easier though, DS1 left this year and DS2 goes next year, so we will be in empty nest territory and I'm busy redesigning the house to make it work better for me and DH.

[Ginfordinner]

No, not sad, but a little flat. I just worry about DD's wellbeing, but I would do that if she was at home as well. I am just a natural worrier.

On the upside (selfishly) OH and I are enjoying the extra freedom and flexibility we have in our lives. The house is always tidy, there is far less washing to do, the fridge is less full, and if we eat meat I don't have extra washing up to contend with (DD is vegetarian). Oh, and we can eat Parmesan cheese again

[ComeOnGordon]

Oh @Ginfordinner I get the veggie thing. Was tricky at the weekends to find something that didn’t involve me making 2 dinners since the younger ones are def not veggie. But I’m sticking to it during the week as I think it’s had some health benefits. I’m a worrier too - was very worried about how she was getting back to her flat after a pub crawl on thurs but she’s dead sensible - she shared a taxi with 2 others.

@Serin - she’s about 2 1/2 hours away. I’m going in 2 weeks as a relative is coming to visit me (we’re not in the UK) and I thought it would be nice to take that relative to the town that dd is at uni in.

@Lordamighty - bereft is a word I don’t normally use but I’ve used it this week. But glad to hear I’ll feel normal by Christmas!! And even happy she goes back in January 😝

She called this morning and we had a lovely long chat while she wandered in the supermarket trying to work out what to buy. Managed to joke that we might have to replace her with a kitten so that I’ve got something else to concentrate on

[aibutohavethisusername]

My parents (and brother) did get a kitten when I went to uni!

[Ginfordinner]

Stop giving me ideas. I adore cats and kittens.

[LillianGish]

I have a mantra - 'they are neither dead, nor have they gone to war' This. On the day we dropped off DD we received the most shocking news that a friend’s son had died in tragic circumstances. It put my own feelings about missing DD into perspective for the worst possible reasons. We bring them up to fly the nest - it means we have done a good job. We shouldn’t be grieving if they can still fly back for a visit (or if we can visit them!) - grieving is for when they are never coming back.

[Bigearringsbigsmile]

I am really really missing my son.
He's been gone3/4 weeks now and I am finding it really hard.
Hes being very good about keeping in touch but it's just not the same

[Ginfordinner]

I'm with you LillianGish.
We nearly lost DD at a few weeks old, then had a serious cancer scare with her when she was 11. Her going to university seems minor in comparison.