Oxbridge Jealously

(121 Posts)
eginma Tue 26-Mar-19 09:52:14

I’m not sure if I just meet a fair amount of bat shit parents, or if it’s a wider problem..

DS is a 2nd year at Oxford, his choice, we didn’t force him into taking the offer.

Anyhow, ever since he got in, we’ve had snide comments such as
“They’re bending over backwards to let state schoolers in”
“What’s the point studying that? Why doesn’t he study Law/STEM?”

The best of all, my son got a call from Oxford on results day asking if he wanted a place for Economics, as he got A*A*A in his a levels, but he turned it down for Birmingham. My ds assures me from working as an admissions helper this is a load of tosh.

Why is it that other parents feel the need to be arsey about the whole thing? DS works in a public facing role and he’s now ashamed to say which uni he goes to if people ask ! He’ll skirt around the topic unless directly asked.

OP’s posts: |
bluebell34567 Tue 26-Mar-19 09:54:55

of course jealousy, op. you should both be proud.
i wish my dc was like that.

eginma Tue 26-Mar-19 09:56:22

Oh gosh typo in the title alert!

Thanks bluebellstar

OP’s posts: |
Hollowvictory Tue 26-Mar-19 09:57:02

You've got some strange friends!

goodbyestranger Tue 26-Mar-19 10:02:18

MN is significantly snippier than RL IME smile

zoellafortitude Tue 26-Mar-19 10:05:05

Why is it that other parents feel the need to be arsey about the whole thing?

I cannot think of one reason why the university choice of someone else's child could make these parents be arsey - apart from jealousy of course. So I guess that is their problem - and it is THEIR problem.

Rise above it and tell your DS to do the same. So many people seem to have an opinion on other people's lives these days, but your DS has to live his life.

Xenia Tue 26-Mar-19 12:04:31

Most people aren't like this, so don't worry about it. He has done very well to get in. Just ignore other people making silly comments. I don't know anyone who would make comments like that. You must just know some weird and nasty people.


Fazackerley Tue 26-Mar-19 12:06:33

I think you are imagining it. I can't think of a single person I know who would say that to someones face at least

privacy Tue 26-Mar-19 12:24:09

OP are you in South Wales by any chance? a lot of anti oxbridge in the valleys, seen as turning your back on Wales and becoming a "posh English tory" (not my words!)

ShanghaiDiva Tue 26-Mar-19 12:30:07

Congratulations to your son!
As pp have said - just ignore the catty comments.

Girlofgold Tue 26-Mar-19 12:38:28

Because I think when it comes to their children, a small minority of people lose their shit regarding achievements and jealousy comes bubbling out via some vicariously channelled madness.

bengalcat Tue 26-Mar-19 12:45:25

Ignore and feel proud of your boy

ErrolTheDragon Tue 26-Mar-19 12:59:39

I've not come across any snide remarks- maybe the 'girl doing engineering' reaction overcomes that. (The reaction varies but usually there's something)

BubblesBuddy Tue 26-Mar-19 13:33:32

Well we had arsey remarks! From a Deputy Head at DDs school. He couldn’t imagine how DD got offered a place! I’m sorry to say people have all sorts of reasons for saying unkind things. My local garage owner couldn’t understand why she wanted to do MFL either. He thought Stem or Law were the only useful subjects. You just have to stay proud of DS. What other people think is irrelevant in the end. They won’t be employing him!

2BoysandaCairn Tue 26-Mar-19 14:14:46

I would disagree, as a parent of a child doing criminology at a non RG unversity, on an unconditional offer, the snobby comments always come from the parents of the bright and RG parents.
On mumsnet its Oxbridge or bust. 1000's of posts on Oxbridge threads.

100's of post say unconditionals should be banned, 1000's say my child shouldn't be even at university.

We just ignore.

2BoysandaCairn Tue 26-Mar-19 14:22:51

Think I'm joking, just read the snobby comments about Hull and Lincoln universities on the Aberystwuyth and one on politics at Bristol or Hull.
Or the poor poster asking for advice on Salford's accomdation options for their DC, tumbleweed. Compare the responses to which Oxbridge/Durham College.
You have it easy.

NuclearReactor Tue 26-Mar-19 15:14:57

I think genuinely people do wonder why students study a certain subject which may seem like there are no job prospects after. It's simply educating them on which path your son is going down but then again it's probably none of their business.

Fazackerley Tue 26-Mar-19 15:15:23

*I would disagree, as a parent of a child doing criminology at a non RG unversity, on an unconditional offer, the snobby comments always come from the parents of the bright and RG parents.
On mumsnet its Oxbridge or bust. 1000's of posts on Oxbridge threads*

This is very true. I had one annoying poster totally rubbishing my dds course and uni choices. I don't believe half the posters on here anyway.

A good number told me my dd shouldn't bother with uni as she was doing a btec along with a levels. That she honestly shouldn't go.

As if we need any more fucking Durham and Oxbridge PPE students!!!

2BoysandaCairn Tue 26-Mar-19 16:31:54

Its comments like yours I am pointing out.
Our Dc never attended a ofsted rated good school, both either RI or inadequate. Secondary school had no headteacher for 4 of the 5 years he was there.
Polar 1 category, 56 of 365 kids in his year got Level 3 qualifications, less than 10% went to university.
He was non speaking until 6. Predicted E's in year 8.
First in family to go to university. Did it all by himself, he researched and choose his course and universities, just as much as an Oxbridge candiate. He wants to be a police officer or work against terrorism. Both need degrees from 2020.

Its kids like mine and Fazackerley's which need encouraging.
Not more Eton/St Pauls etc or the numerous state grammar kids.
People dont have a clue want kids like mine overcome.
I say thank god for all universities

MrsElijahMikaelson1 Tue 26-Mar-19 16:39:05

Good luck to all children in doing what they want to do.

Though it is actually true that Oxbridge do phone exceptional students on results day. My friend’s son was phoned and asked if he would like to come and do chemistry at Cambridge-(he scored 100% on one of the papers) and got the A*. I was there so it definitely does happen-he also turned them down as he wanted to do economics at Birmingham but there you go.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 Tue 26-Mar-19 16:39:41

Three A* FFS

downcasteyes Tue 26-Mar-19 16:42:32

I think you know the wrong kind of people. And by 'wrong kind' I mean a bunch of middle class snobs who have friendship confused with oneupmanship. (There are some people who literally have no mode of social being outside of the competitive. They are best avoided. They are also on Mumsnet in their droves).

FWIW, getting into Oxbridge is a huge achievement from a state school. And only the worst kind of person would belittle a young person's success in that way - it's ungracious in the extreme. If he's happy and enjoying his course, then who is anyone to question that decision? I also HATE HATE HATE the attitude that law and medicine are the only degrees worth studying. It's so utterly... greedy, really. And not invested in the right kind of reasons for going to university - critical thinking, self-betterment, knowledge.

On the other hand, I work in a RG university, and there is literally no difference in intelligence between the academics who went to Oxbridge and those who went to other places, including some outside the RG. The idea that what you do at 18 somehow defines your intellectual quality for your entire life is ridiculous. (I got into Oxbridge at 18, before someone cries sour grapes). Not everyone has the same opportunities in life. I work surrounded by intelligent, clued up people, but one of the most intelligent and politically astute people I know is actually a shelf stacker in M&S. Never write anyone off because of their job or their background.

zoellafortitude Tue 26-Mar-19 16:53:07


Great post!

2BoysandaCairn Tue 26-Mar-19 16:54:57

Sorry to hear the comments your DD had to put up with, I hope she ignored them.
In sixth form DS was 3 times publicly humiliated by a Chemistry teacher for being thick and told he was wasting everyones time. Why because he was only one in class who did double science and had never been taught that module. He wasnt given any of promised help. He failed his AS. So did Criminology A level and in 12 months got a C. With only 45% of the subject covered.
He and we where told publicly by 3 teachers and head of sixth he would fail all 4 A levels, got 3 C and 1 D. Plus was only kid out of 52 in year 13 to get an unconditional offer.

So bollocks to not going to right uni or doing a pointless course. Thats just what the snobs use to put people back in their boxes and keep them there

BubblesBuddy Tue 26-Mar-19 17:00:49

Getting into Oxbridge isn’t a major achievement from a state grammar school and these children are very much represented at Oxbridge. It’s well documented which schools never get anyone in at all. DC getting a place from these schools is an amazing achievement.

I also think it is wrong to demonise a specific course at Oxford. Just because you know a few well known people who you don’t like that did the course, doesn’t mean the other students are not doing valuable work and hopefully paying lots of tax! We do need PPE students and other people swearing about you is just the sort of problem faced by some students as evidenced by this thread.

Students pay the fees ( or not as the case may be) and make their choices. The Auger report is looking into value for money and I do think it will find Oxbridge value for money. There will be other degrees which are not. Some students won’t pay much loan off and the UK plc will effectively will have paid for their education when the loan is written off.

You cannot always choose who says what to you. My best friend from school thinks all degrees are a waste of time and money. She is openly critical of her DN doing History of Art and no one needs to do engineering because you should start at 16 and work your way up. So DH and his engineering degree are openly criticised. One of my DDs did MFL and the other an arts degree. They were criticised too. Do I drop her after 55 years of friendship? I robustly defend my position! We agree to disagree. You stay proud of your DC and support their decisions.

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