I have 2 DSs a year apart in age. DS1 started Uni last year, he's chosen to go to one within travelling distance and stay at home.
We are Scottish and he's studying in Scotland so his fees are paid and he's entitled to about £4.5k in student loans. We'd saved a bit from an endowment to go towards supporting the DSs through uni if they chose to go, and whilst we are not rich, we are able to continue to help them.
So, we are paying DS1s train pass and he has no bills as he eats at home, takes a packed lunch and we still pay his phone and actually, I've not stopped his pocket money (£50 a month) he's taken the loan but not spent any. he doesn't work but doesn't go out either so he basically spends next to nothing. We also fund a car that both DSs share that he uses to get to and from the train station although to be fair DS2 has used it far more since he passed his test a couple of months ago.
DS2 has an offer for Uni that would mean he would have to live out. Fees are also covered. What would be fair? Obvs his costs are going to be higher as accommodation will be a lot more than the train pass. He'll need food on top which DS1 gets for nothing. However, he will get the advantage of living away (which DS1 could have done but chose not to). He will also get less use of the car as that will stay here.
I feel that funding all his accommodation plus food etc is overly generous but at the same time that's what we are doing for DS1. If it helps, DS1s course is likely to be 5 years but should include some time working and DS2s will be 4 years. DS1s is also more likely to lead straight to a decent paying job but he is very very quiet and socially anxious to the point of selective mutism so getting a job might be harder.
I know they (and we) are very lucky and we should maybe have set it up so that DS1 was supporting himself more (he really needs to get a job for his own confidence but just finds the thought overwhelming and we are trying to gently push him and help him). He doesn't ask for anything and would pay if we asked him to.
DS2s loan would just about cover his accommodation so would still need extra and that would still leave him with nothing at the end. If Ds1 keeps taking the loan but not spending it then he'll have a cash sum at the end of Uni that he could either use to pay back the loan or use to set himself up. That doesn't really seem fair. the amount we have saved won't cover everything.
Sorry this is so long but wanted to give a full picture - congrats if you've read all this and thanks for any views.
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Supporting 2 at Uni, what's fair?
24 replies
WaxOnFeckOff · 05/03/2019 23:32
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