Dd hates uni

(30 Posts)
bellalou1234 Thu 20-Sep-18 21:39:04

Help my dd hates uni. Shes moved up this week to study a nursing degree and is not settling at all. Im so worried. Does anyone know how well stand if she doesn't continue with course? I'm guarantee at her accomadation in the halls and with her student loans?

OP’s posts: |
justforareply Thu 20-Sep-18 21:42:43

It's early yet. It's such a big change and does take time to settle
It maybe that she'll find her own kind? It's hard if they don't fit in/click with housemates but usually works out in the end
But painful to go through

molifly Thu 20-Sep-18 21:45:17

She will have signed an agreement for the year therefore will be expected to make payment for the fill year. Sometimes other students can be found to replace her accommodation and depending on the university they do sometimes let you exit your contract but 90% of the time you must pay.

With fees it depends if she's enrolled or not. If she has and hen leaves she looses the full years funding. You get 3 years funding plus a 'spare' year. If this is her first hear that means she has 3 years left but no room for a re sit year should she need it. She will also have to pay back the student loan she's received for this term on a calculated rate.

bellalou1234 Thu 20-Sep-18 21:46:35

She really doesn't. Shes quiet, more of a Tom boy, not into going out drinking and things. Now she doesn't like course, don't know how long to keep at at..Just want her happy.

OP’s posts: |
TheThirdOfHerName Thu 20-Sep-18 21:47:09

Many students take several weeks to feel settled; it definitely takes longer than a few days.

ILoveDolly Thu 20-Sep-18 21:48:01

It can take months to settle into a new place and get to grips with a different life. She needs to try and see this through. I've moved around a lot in my life and believe me, starting in a new place does not always come easy, but learning how to do it is a life skill.

TheThirdOfHerName Thu 20-Sep-18 21:48:44

The terms & conditions for her accommodation contract will explain the notice period.


beeefcake Thu 20-Sep-18 21:50:50

Can she maybe wait until Christmas and see how she feels then?

I dropped out mid way through my second year, had to pay back all the maintenance loan I was given for that term. It also counted to student finance as a full year so I am having to pay back for half a year I wasn't even there.

It was the best decision I ever made through.

Sethis Thu 20-Sep-18 21:52:11

What are the specific problems?

If the problems are social, then encourage her to join a crapton of societies. Anything at all. Not everyone is obsessed with drinking, you can find plenty of sober students at Uni if you bother to actually look, despite what the media says. It's the absolute perfect time to pick up a new sport/art/music/hobby/whatever.

If the problems are with the course, it should be possible to transfer to another course within the first term. She can even repeat her first year if necessary. I did that myself because the Sociology department at York was rubbish back in 2009.

If the problems are with the location, she should be able to transfer to another University, however this is generally expensive and should be a last resort if she's close to having a breakdown etc etc, rather than just because she hasn't made any friends in the first two weeks.

Difficult to offer more advice without knowing specifically what her issues are, but best of luck with it.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Thu 20-Sep-18 21:53:29

I hated my first week at university.
Second week was bearable.
Next three years bloody wonderful

JennyOnAPlate Thu 20-Sep-18 21:53:53

I think she needs to be encouraged to stick it out a bit longer. I was pretty unhappy for the whole of my first year of uni (nasty bitchy girls in halls) but the 3 years that followed it were so much better.

LemonysSnicket Thu 20-Sep-18 22:07:07

It's only been a week, it's very hard in the first few weeks for those who, like nursing, have loads of hours or early starts when everyone else is out partying. She'll make friends on her course and her halls will settle down into gentler patterns

LemonysSnicket Thu 20-Sep-18 22:08:36

Dcousin cried every night for the first week. (I just got bladdered) but in her final year now she has a lovely girlfriend, great grades and good prospects. Encourage her to stick it out

A580Hojas Thu 20-Sep-18 22:13:02

But it's only been a week! What did you/she expect?

Possumfish Thu 20-Sep-18 22:14:50

It's only been a week! And she probably hasn't actually started her course yet properly! She needs to stick it out I'm afraid at least until Xmas!

Maverick66 Thu 20-Sep-18 22:20:37

It's early days. Ask her to stick it out to Halloween at least. thanks

bellalou1234 Thu 20-Sep-18 22:22:48

She does need to stick it out, ill encourage her..Not sure what i was expecting, I suppose for her to say she was enjoying it. It really is early days, shes coming home for weekend ill have a good chat with her then

OP’s posts: |
BIWI Thu 20-Sep-18 22:25:33

Why is she coming home so soon?! It's really early days. Everyone can expect to feel unsettled. Please don't encourage her to come home. Once she's settled in/down and made some friends she'll feel so much better.

Thatdidntlastlong Fri 21-Sep-18 09:13:01

I think quite a few students don't enjoy freshers week - that sort of socialising just doesn't suit everyone. And as other pp have said, it can take a few weeks to settle in. There are other students not into drinking, but you do have to find them - as other posters have said, try clubs, societies, course friends...

But the other thing in this case is that you mention dd doesn't like the course. If dd really decides she doesn't want to nurse anymore then that would be a very good reason to drop out - but again it is too early to decide that for sure! Did your dd do work experience (what I'm trying to get at, is was she pretty sure she would enjoy nursing before she arrived? If so what has changed her view)?

Also, just to go against the grain, I think that there can be an assumption that leaving university is a mistake - it isn't always. Students can to some extent be directed towards university by the fact that everyone else at school is doing it - when it isn't the right thing for that student. But leaving without giving it at least half a term probably (not definitely!) is.

Thatdidntlastlong Fri 21-Sep-18 09:14:12

leaving without giving it half a term is (usually) a mistake, I mean (sentence structure went a bit wrong there)

LIZS Fri 21-Sep-18 09:18:30

The first few weeks are really not well representative of uni life. Some will try to sustain the partying but eventually most settle down and friendship groups develop as courses get going. It can be a huge culture shock initially, some deal with it by withdrawing others become extrovert and reinvent themselves. I would discourage her from coming home so early but plan a visit a few weeks in.

SnuggyBuggy Fri 21-Sep-18 09:21:41

Coming home so soon is a really bad idea

RavenLG Fri 21-Sep-18 09:46:47

As others have said, coming home so soon is a bad idea. It will just cement the idea that home is better and she won’t want to go back. I work in a university and see this loads. Freshers is not indicative of the rest of uni life. Yes, it’s a bit mad and people are out all the time but it settles down. She needs to join societies and clubs, things that interest her and she will find more like minded people than the ones shes been thrown together through living arrangements or courses. I’d say 80% of the people I met in freshers I didn’t talk to by 2nd year of uni, and by 3rd year I couldn’t even remember names of most of them.
Her university should have some sort of pastoral care service, she should speak to them. Student Union reps (they should have a welfare rep) are always willing to speak to students with worries.

TheHollowLeggedGoat Fri 21-Sep-18 10:09:44

I think she needs to give it at least a term, and probably two terms before she knows if it's right for her. It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed, lonely and homesick for the first couple of weeks. And as for not liking her course - she can only have had a handful of lectures so far!
I also think coming home this weekend is a bad idea. Everyone will be having their first big nights out and getting to know each other.

14allall41 Fri 21-Sep-18 11:29:21

I hated my first few weeks at university. I was totally overwhelmed by pissed people - I didn't drink alcohol and was(am)very shy. A lot of students went home at the weekend as they lived along the M4 corridor and it was easy for them. I did go home for a few weekends, but it took a long time by train! I spent a lot of time crying in my room as I was so lonely. However, I made a few good friends and made it to Christmas. From January I started to enjoy it.

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