A lot seems to depend on University and Hall. DS does not drink and had no problems, making good friends through societies and course. But he was in London, which MNetters claim is 'dull'. DD is at a University approved by MN. She drinks but does not take drugs and wasn't interested in regular clubbing, and found her first year very difficult, labelled 'boring' by other members of her flat. We were told the partying would stop after 6 weeks when students had burnt through loan and overdraft, but it did not. Some seemingly had access to an endless supply of money.
Second year, with flatmates she has chosen and with a couple of good friends on her course, should be a whole lot better. The first year was tough. Leaving home, sharing with 11 randomly selected strangers, and feeling you dont fit in, was very isolating.
My advice would be:
- Really engage in your course. That is why you are there. DD would not have survived if she were struggling academically, and not enjoying her course. It is probably the best place to make friends.
- Join societies as an alternative to clubbing. As well as a chance to meet like minded people some of these societies will have a good proportion of British born ethnic minority students or overseas students, whose approach to University can be different and more about study than 'the experience'. DC suggest that school friends of theirs from Chinese, Vietnamese or Korean backgrounds have felt particularly isolated at University as others have seemingly assumed they are 'from China' and left them out, whilst without Mandarin it is difficult to mix with mainland Chinese. And there will be others who wont feel at ease during alcohol fueled freshers weeks but can be sought out when things calm down.
- Wait six or so weeks and if it is clear she has found herself in a 'party flat' ask to move. Lots do. And there is bound to be someone who wants to move the other way because their flatmates are, supposedly, boring. Flat culture seems to be determined by one or two dominant characters. Great if the dominant character washes up and expects others to do the same. Not so great if the big personality regularly stays out till 4.00. Not all 18 year olds are that self assured, so others in the flat will follow the lead.
- Accept that not everyone has a brilliant time at University. And actually it is often better to make friends slowly and carefully, than to make best friends in a bar in your first week and spend your second year with hastily chosen flatmates that you have nothing in common with.
- DD got a lot of help from an older friend at another University and her Hall's senior resident. She had looked forward to University and so not fitting in was pretty brutal. Experienced voices who were able to reassure her that she was fine, and that her flat's behaviour was not, was very important.