Poss an AIBU but v annoyed by friends comments

(64 Posts)
Bacere Fri 24-Aug-18 10:58:48

Long story short DC told by school try for oxbridge they don't do exact course DC wants to do so applied elsewhere. Achieved predicted grades for a levels but off to non RG uni who do course DC really wants to do. Comments keep being made which in the least query why make that choice when so many other "better" options to worst so far which made me need to vent on MN and yes I forgot to say 'did you mean to be so rude'

In the past MN has always helped. So, Anyone else need to share similar to make me feel I'm not the only one who knows such horrible people?

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FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast Fri 24-Aug-18 11:01:35

if you don't want people to make comments, don't put it on social media.

HollowTalk Fri 24-Aug-18 11:02:35

So your child was recommended for Oxbridge but is now going to a university that's not considered very good - is that it?

Bacere Fri 24-Aug-18 11:20:01

hollow yes exactly it.

fourfried I haven't. This is the only place I've mentioned this online. I don't do facebook etc. and have only spoken to people i know . They asked i said. That's been it.

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FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast Fri 24-Aug-18 11:21:38

oh I see, I do apologise.
Honestly if your child has chosen the best course for them, that is all you have to say.
People can be such idiots.

Racecardriver Fri 24-Aug-18 11:25:35

Well its a bit odd. I suppose people are wondering why you didn't 'talk some sense into her'. It's rude of them to ask but what can you, people will be rude. It will pass once she starts and everyone has come around to the idea.

AlexanderHamilton Fri 24-Aug-18 11:31:10

Some people are idiots.

Following yesterdays GCSE results one of dd's teachers said that she could be an Oxbridge candidate. Instead dd is going to train as a dancer at vocational college.

Best wishes to your ds at his chosen uni. I'm sure he will be very sucessful.


RatherBeRiding Fri 24-Aug-18 11:31:54

Oxbridge isn't for everybody. DS was advised to apply but a) they didn't offer the exact course he wanted and b) the more he looked into it the more he felt it was too much of a hot-house for him.

He went elsewhere and never regretted it for an instant. He knows people who did do Oxbridge and have told him it can be pretty full on and intense. Some students thrive on that, of course.

So going/not going isn't the be-all and end-all. What matters is that your child is doing the course they want, where they want to do it!

Any comments - just say it wasn't for him and he is more than happy with his choice, thank you.

Bluntness100 Fri 24-Aug-18 11:32:59

I guess also people are a bit confused why someone who could achieve oxbridge chooses a non Rg uni, as the uni itself does have an impact for many employers.

However if none of them did the course your child wishes to do, then that's all you need to say.

PilarTernera Fri 24-Aug-18 11:46:31

YANBU it's none of their business. Your DC has chosen the course that is right for them and is happy about it.

My DD also decided not to apply to Oxbridge because they don't offer the exact course she wanted. She is now at the university of her choice, loves her course and is doing well.

Bacere Fri 24-Aug-18 11:53:10

You see that's my thinking too and I'm just really surprised by people's comments.

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 24-Aug-18 12:06:51

Don't people ever think before they open their mouths?!
S/he did their research and then achieved the required grades to go to their first choice. Not every institution offers the desired course, and academic reputations wax and wane.
All the best to your DC.

HollowTalk Fri 24-Aug-18 16:33:10

I think it does depend on the course, OP, though. Some universities will offer courses which sound great but which often don't lead to a job in that area. I won't name any of the courses here as sure as hell someone's child will be taking one of them! Are you sure this course is the right one for him? Is it challenging enough? Have you looked at the entry requirements? If your son is an A grade student but the course accepts people with much lower grades, he might not find it challenging enough.

Asuna Fri 24-Aug-18 16:39:57

I went to a university with a not so great reputation (although one of the highest student satisfaction rates at the time) and it was my first choice option. Some far better, including RG universities, were offering the same course, but the course didn’t look as good to me. I got a bursary and a professional qualification for a placement year, and ended university fully qualified for my job...and got a job at a place where people who did the same course and a far fancier university were having to complete their professional training and top-up modules at the uni I went to.

Everything is about personal preference and perspective.

Bacere Fri 24-Aug-18 17:02:39

Personal experiences blah blah, I've always said life is too short, just being happy is a big achievement and thought friends understood this so that is what has perhaps made the majority of remarks start to really annoy me.

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wurzelburga Fri 24-Aug-18 17:03:35

I think I can see where they are coming from.

Faced with shelling out £60 - £80, 000 + on a university course most people ask themselves is the course I am going to do worth it? They then start looking at projected earnings etc. I think it is probably true that students who do a course at a university with a higher entrance requirements will earn more than those doing a similar course at a university with lower requirements. This is because employers believe that some university degrees are better than others.

I also think that more prestigious universities are able to attract better teachers and that if a student is bright they will be more challenged if they are with other bright students.

Some families are lucky enough not to have to worry about money though.

Maybe your friends could have been more tactful....

titchy Fri 24-Aug-18 17:08:14

* I've always said life is too short, just being happy is a big achievement*

Well yeah, but life's also a long game. Passing up a fabulous opportunity which could guarantee a very happy life for the sake of a fun three years is a choice not many would see as a positive...

Agree it's no-ones business though, but maybe your child has made a poor choice......

You have to say where they're going you know grin

HollowTalk Fri 24-Aug-18 17:13:22

You can be happy in tons of different situations, though!

ErrolTheDragon Fri 24-Aug-18 17:22:25

It doesn't sound as though the OPs DC has just made a 'fun' choice though. They may be seriously set on a niche career for which a particular specialised course really is the best training. If the employment statistics for the course are good, then it may be a wise choice.

Bacere Fri 24-Aug-18 18:28:06

errol star

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EachPeachPearRum Fri 24-Aug-18 18:37:29

If they are people you know and with whom you generally have a good relationship I imagine they are gently querying why this choice has been made. TBH very few people truly know the reality of their preferred profession at such a young age and most people would encourage having a good quality university in their cv to "future proof" against life really. How many women have we read about on here that have an art history degree in mid century poultry art only to find they are rather unemployable and married to a horrid man?

NoFucksImAQueen Fri 24-Aug-18 20:36:19

everyone's different and I think you can't underestimate the feeling you get about a place. I'm starting my degree in September and throughout the class I did my access course with some people firm choiced universities that others really hated.
there's no point worrying about status if you're miserable!

HollowTalk Fri 24-Aug-18 20:50:16

But some less-good universities run courses that really aren't the best way of getting into a profession. It's hard to explain without giving specific examples which might upset someone, but sometimes there are all-singing all-dancing courses which won't get the student anywhere because it's not rigorous enough.

Bluntness100 Fri 24-Aug-18 22:31:25

This is because employers believe that some university degrees are better than others

Yes, my understanding on the reasoning on this is that a degree at a rg uni is harder than a lower ranked one, say an ex poly. The rg one needs a lot more self led study and understanding where as the ex poly spoon feeds more, like ar school, in addition the teachings and curriculums for many degrees are not the same across all unis, again it's not like school, often the unis set the exams as well themselves.

So the thought process is it's harder to achieve a good degree at an rg uni than a lower ranked one and as such, the degree is worth more, and that's why the entrance requirements are much higher for the rg than the ex poly, to ensure the kids are capable of it. It's like being in the top set for maths versus the lower group of kids who are less capable in rhe subject.

It's all moot though if none of these unis did the course the ops child wanted, but that was how it was explained to me about why employers value certain unis over others, it highlights a very different achievement level.

BubblesBuddy Sat 25-Aug-18 00:26:46

Doing what makes you happy is one thing but taking the easy route when you could do more is one reason why some talented DC won’t apply to Oxbridge. Some just don’t want the challenge. We then complain about lack of diversity. Should we, perhaps, put happiness of the students above quality of course and university choice? Oxford and Cambridge could save millions of £ if everyone agreed with this sentiment.

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