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Help...DS feels a complete failure with AABB...

(145 Posts)
AnotherNameChange1001 Fri 24-Aug-18 10:03:06

Bad day last week. He was predicted A*AAA and got AABB.
He missed the A* by 5 UMS, but the As by more.

He was meant to be going to Durham Uni (AAA), but has now accepted a place in clearing at York.
All his original offers were A*AA or AAA so he didn't have an insurance offer (school said it 'wasn't needed' as he would be fine for 3As).

He is putting on a brave face, but I know he is gutted. All his friends are going to Oxbridge/Top 5 unis.

It has been a horrible week. Other parents don't know what to say to us: "York is a lovely city", "perhaps he can do a Masters at Durham if he does well" etc

How big a deal is really that he's now going to a Top 20 uni rather than a Top 5 one? York seems to have a good reputation for his subject.

OP’s posts: |
Parisproperty Fri 24-Aug-18 10:08:47

York is a lovely city and he will be absolutely fine.
I really hope he goes there with a positive attitude and makes the most of the opportunity.
I have a friend in a similar position. Her dc still got a place in a RG university but is completely fixated on the place they " should have got" and hasn't made the effort to take the fantastic opportunity they have.
It is such a shame.

oldbirdy Fri 24-Aug-18 10:33:04

Not a big deal at all.

I'm sorry but get a grip. He's going to a great university in a lovely city. Yes it's no surprise he's had a shock, now he needs to learn from it and work out what went wrong. Did he cruise? Were his teachers overly optimistic? Did nerves get the better of him?

Learning from "failure" is an incredibly important life lesson. But dropping from a top 5 to a top 20 uni and still having 4 very good A levels is hardly the end of the world.

My son has just failed 4 of his 9 GCSEs because he is autistic and cannot communicate at speed under pressure. His IQ is at the 96th percentile. Since he failed both English lit and English language, he may not get a university place at all unless by some miracle we can make him less autistic and able to pass English language over the next 2 years. People need to get some perspective.

Notmorewashing Fri 24-Aug-18 10:34:03

This is a non issue how sad

LoveManyTrustfew Fri 24-Aug-18 10:37:07

Stealth boast. IMO

whattimeislove Fri 24-Aug-18 10:40:52

York is a great city and university. It's also surrounded by other cities within easy reach.

Durham may have the prestige but (at least in my time) it's small (in a number of ways) some locals really are hostile to the students and many ended up in Newcastle for a decent night out, rather than staying local. Of course it may have changed, but I think he'll be better off there. And AABB is really good, even if it's not what he wanted.

MrsMozart Fri 24-Aug-18 10:41:27

What degree did he want to do and what will he be doing?

What career does he want to go into?

By his own admission did he work to the bestbof his capabilities?

whattimeislove Fri 24-Aug-18 10:43:17

Sorry @oldbirdy about your son's results. I'm really not a fan of exam-only testing for this reason. I hope he's able to make it through the retakes.

Buglife Fri 24-Aug-18 10:44:52

York is an amazing Uni in what I think is the best Ciry in the U.K.! When I went to York Uni it was higher in league tables than Durham actually. It will make no difference to his prospects. Fair enough that he feels he let himself down and is disappointed, but no need to be snobby about the university. York is a very good university.

Seniorschoolmum Fri 24-Aug-18 10:45:34

Tell him well done. AABB is a good result and York is a great university in a lovely city.

Plus he is going into a course with more ability in reserve than his friends. Some of them may have over stretched and may struggle. He won’t. And pressure seems to make a degree miserable for so many people now. He hopefully won’t be in that situation.

Buglife Fri 24-Aug-18 10:46:55

Also “Other parents don’t know what to say to us” God what kind of school does your son go to. Imagine that many people so snobby that getting AABB and going to a fantastic University is seen as something to console someone about.

Schoolchoicesucks Fri 24-Aug-18 10:48:37

Friends not knowing what to say because he got AABB is ridiculous.

AABB grades are excellent results. York is a RG university with an excellent reputation.
If he is capable and works hard at York, he can come out with a great degree. This will not close any doors for him.

There is a lesson to be learned here about resilience. I'm assuming that he (and his peers?) may have sailed through life thus far with little adversity to face? Dropping a few grades is a nice way to learn about picking yourself up.

Anasnake Fri 24-Aug-18 10:48:40

Ridiculous, get some perspective.

HollowTalk Fri 24-Aug-18 10:49:18

I think at every university there are students who wish they were elsewhere and frankly they are wasting their time. His school didn't give good advice - things can easily go wrong on the day.

York University is a fantastic university and there will be tons of others who were rejected by them and are wishing they were going there. The fact is that if you go with a good attitude you'll have a good time. Certainly, going to York won't stop him from doing anything in the future - that's all down to him.

HRTpatch Fri 24-Aug-18 10:56:03

You must know some absolute knobs.

Chopchopbusybusy Fri 24-Aug-18 10:57:07

His school let him down on two counts. He would have been better to concentrate on 3 A levels, not 4. And everyone needs an insurance choice.
York is still a great university. He can learn from this. There comes a point in education when you have to start working instead of coasting. Looks like he’s hit that point for him.
As for other parents not knowing what to say. That’s leaving me speechless.

Anasnake Fri 24-Aug-18 10:57:21

There's a huge sense of entitlement in this post, he'll learn a very useful lesson from this.

ourkidmolly Fri 24-Aug-18 10:57:39

He's probably picking up your obvious disappointment too. Honestly what are you expecting posters to say here? 'Yes top 5 RG is so much better than top 20. It guarantees you a long healthy happy life.'
He missed a grade at A level, big deal. He's going to face far worse in his life. He's had a whinge which is acceptable but then that's it.

rogueantimatter Fri 24-Aug-18 10:58:41

DD's friend got a first from Cambridge two years ago.

She's about to start teacher training.

Now I come to think about it, DS had a secondary school (state) teacher who graduated from Cambridge.

It's absolutely no guarantee of an amazing job.

ourkidmolly Fri 24-Aug-18 11:00:19

And as for your friends not knowing what to say? That's crazy. My colleague's son was sent to prison last week for child online abuse. Now that's when it's difficult to find the right words.

ourkidmolly Fri 24-Aug-18 11:01:29

Er @rogueantimatter
They probably do think they've an amazing job. What sort of shithole should our prospective teachers be slumming it in?

EvaHarknessRose Fri 24-Aug-18 11:01:42

I loved York and didn’t leave for ten years. Imagine how much intellectual freedom and improved prospects he will feel from getting off that treadmill of expectations.

AnotherNameChange1001 Fri 24-Aug-18 11:05:21

Thanks for the helpful replies. Not a stealth boast, I promise.

I think the level of disappointment is probably the same whether you plan to go to Uni A and go to Uni G instead or plan to go to UniW and go to Uni Z - it's just getting through a period of readjustment.

I'm sure he will be fine - he is already chatting to other freshers for his course online.
There wasn't a single thing which pulled his grades down - rather lots of small factors: just 'OK' (not brilliant) grades in his AS Maths papers (which count towards A2); having a couple of papers which went less well; feeling a bit ill for one paper; being unlucky with the questions which came up on another; overestimating his ability on another etc...

I don't think the other parents are being malicious, simply a bit awkward and trying to say the right thing? I think there a bit of 'there but for the grace of God go I' at this time of year - everyone knows it could so easily have been their child who just missed a grade and a place and they're just secretly thankful it wasn't!

OP’s posts: |
ShackUp Fri 24-Aug-18 11:09:32

rogue how insulting that you think teaching is a lowly profession. I went to Magdalen College, Oxford, and I'm a teacher shock

DreamingofSunshine Fri 24-Aug-18 11:12:43

He'll be fine, York is a great university.

He shouldn't go into detail about this at university though, I can't imagine the other students taking it well if he talks about missing out on Durham when for many York will be their first choice.

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