I don't want to go back to university tomorrow...

(17 Posts)
PandyPanda Sat 14-Apr-18 15:33:48

I've just had such a happy time at home for Easter break that I really don't want to go back to uni to my horrible little room. Although I have friends at uni, I realised over the break that I much prefer the friends I have back home. I also hate the fact that being back at uni means there is no break from people. E.g. after school you could go back home and just have a quiet evening. At uni, you're expected to be around people 24/7, and you don't get a break at the weekend...I honestly find it draining. I just want summer, and I'm dreading the train journey back tomorrow. I feel like everyone else is loving uni (I'm first year), however I've realised I'm really NOT enjoying university. How can I make the last 10 weeks go quickly? DId anyone experience this last term dread? Anyone's children feel like this

OP’s posts: |
Gruach Sat 14-Apr-18 15:41:18

I’m sorry you’re not enjoying your first year! And honestly can’t imagine a university situation where there’s no escape from other people. But then I never did a house or flat share and spent enormous amounts of time alone.

Is it your accommodation environment that irks you most? If so can you not make different arrangements for next year?

Obviously if it’s the course then that’s more fundamental. Is it what you expected? How much do you want to complete this degree? Etc ...

Serin Sat 14-Apr-18 15:52:50

I think the secret lies in learning to take time out for yourself.
Close your bedroom door and tell people that you are studying and don't want to be disturbed! Or take yourself off somewhere quiet (Library) or go for a long walk/run.
Don't feel like you have to join in every event, your friends will still like you even if you don't choose to be with them 24/7.
If you feel that the problem runs deeper than this ask to speak to the counselling dept/student welfare.
What are your plans for next year?

Tara336 Sat 14-Apr-18 15:57:53

The above advice is very good. Could you maybe promise yourself a little break halfway through the 10weeks? Go home for that weekend or have one of your friends come and stay? Then with those things to look forward too it may make the time pass quicker

PandyPanda Sat 14-Apr-18 16:31:48

I will be living in a better accommodation situation next year, with one of my few good friends at uni! It's sort of privately owned university halls, but much nicer than uni ones...I think that will make me happier. I have exams and group work to do half way through, so I can't go home for that long, I think that's what is getting me down. I just feel like I get through the term because of a short break, but this time I won't and it feels like a very long time!
The thing is, everyone wants to be together all the time and I just find that very stifling and "too much". I know if I take a step back that I'll be labeled boring (something which they describe another girl as, when she simply isn't interested in clubbing or drinking, she's perfectly nice but she gets judged for that 🙄)

OP’s posts: |
MrsTylerJoseph Sat 14-Apr-18 16:37:24

You’re nearly at the end of the first year, go back get your exams done and then you’ve got a long summer to recharge. Better accommodation next year will help and try and factor in more weekends at home next year.

I’m a uni lecturer, believe me not everyone else is loving uni even if they look like they are.

MrsTylerJoseph Sat 14-Apr-18 16:38:55

And isn’t it better to be judged “boring” rather than quit your course? If you leave you won’t even see these people again.....they’re not that important!


PandyPanda Sat 14-Apr-18 16:45:07

Thank you MrsTylerJoseph, I definitely won't drop out, even though I'd like to as I realise my degree course is only 3 years and in the grand scheme of things, that's not very much.
Everyone says it's the best time of your life and everyone seems to be enjoying it loads, so it's very reassuring that you say not everyone else is having an amazing time. I'm still going to try and factor a weekend in to come home, as having something to look forward to makes the time go quickly!

OP’s posts: |
blueskyinmarch Sat 14-Apr-18 16:48:09

Do you really have 10 weeks left? That is a very late finish for a uni. I am at uni too and my last exam is on 15th May. My DD is at a different uni and will be done by 10th May.

I think most students are starting to become fatigued but the end of the year. You just have to dig deep and find a way to get your work and exams done then you can luxuriate in a blissful summer.

PandyPanda Sat 14-Apr-18 16:50:29

I've checked and it's 9 weeks, I finish in mid -June...I wish I finished in May!

OP’s posts: |
PinkMug32 Sat 14-Apr-18 19:37:51

I didn’t want to read and not reply.. I am in your position too OP. Purely telling you this so that you don’t feel like you’re the only one! I’m coming to the end of my second year and have dreaded coming back to uni after the easter holidays, due to one of my housemates and the way they treat me. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way and can only send sympathy as I’m going through the exact same thing. I just keep telling myself that it’s not long left in the grand scheme of things, and break it down into 3 little sets of 3 weeks (ish) in my head. flowers

PandyPanda Sat 14-Apr-18 21:23:33

I'm sorry you're feeling this way as well PinkMug, it's really horrible because everyone else seems to be having an amazing time and in reality, I just want to be home or at least have some time to myself. Is it the same at your university that everyone has to be with/around each other 24/7? I find it really suffocating sometimes but you can't just tell someone to go away as it would be rude.
I really hope you sort your problem out with your housemate, will you be living with them next year? Hopefully you won't be for the sake of your happiness in your final year. Can you talk to anyone about how they're treating you? I hope your other housemates are standing up for you. Yes, hopefully these weeks will fly by for us, and then we'll have a lovely summer 😊

OP’s posts: |
Dustylaw Sun 15-Apr-18 01:49:24

Sorry you are feeling this way. You may not already know it but it is a fact that some people are energised by being around people and others need a break to recharge their batteries or they will feel stressed, pressurised and unhappy - being with a few close and comfortable friends may feel fine which is why you may feel less stressed with your friends from home. The key is to give yourself some quiet time at university. Just say you really have to do some work and shut your door (anyone who doesn’t respect that at uni is being an idiot) and just give yourself some time to chill. You may have to be assertive about it as it sounds like some of your flat mates/hallmates haven’t grown out of their freshers’ week mentality. With luck you’ll find that summer exams will take care of that and pretty sure the second year will.

Angharad07 Sun 15-Apr-18 02:00:08

3rd year here. I’m nearly done- finally. I get you, but remember uni isn’t supposed to be some fantastic experience that they advertise it to be. Just think about your education. Do you enjoy your course?

I honestly can relate, first year was draining. The best advice I can give is to go to your room for a while, close the door (lock it) and chill to some music. If someone knocks then ignore it. Tell them later that you were having a nap or something.

If you’re comparing your uni friends in terms of how much you like them then chances are you’re just friends for convenience. Maybe look around a bit more. It’s hard making friends but what you have to consider is that everything is going to change steadily from this age onwards. People move around and change, the likelyhood is in 5 years time your friends will be spread across the country! The first year is a big shock because it’s the first step to getting the ball rolling. But even going home for a time won’t mean things won’t change, even if you move back home.

Weezol Sun 15-Apr-18 02:07:31

This book is good, it was a real game changer for me:

Quiet - The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain.

I read it a couple of years ago. I'm in my 40's and spent many years avoiding or suffering through work do's, yet being happy to socialise with friends of choice. I couldn't understand why everyone loved work nights out and away days. My colleagues were nice enough, but they all socialised with each other often and I thought I must be anti-social or something.

Turns out I'm just an introvert. I need time away from large groups to re-charge, and it's quite normal to be happy in my own company or with a smaller friendship group. We simply don't feel the need to try to be 'popular' or 'outgoing'.

Needmoresleep Sun 15-Apr-18 08:03:28

DD has not had an easy first year, indeed she could have written your post, and I think sees the summer term as a chance to consolidate. Her positives are:

- she likes her course
- she likes her University City
- she is starting to build some good friendships.
- she has a nice flat/flatmates for next year.

You have achieved the first step which is recognising you are not happy. If you can do well in your first year exams, and focus the rest of your time on things you want to do and people you want to be with, you have every chance of enjoying your second and third years. The old adage is that you spend your second year avoiding the friends you made in your first year. DD found the idea that a flat, made up of random people, should hang out together the whole time, slightly bizarre. As well as the idea that if you did not do this, you were the one who was weird/boring. There will be people at University who you will like as much as you like your friends at home. You just need to find them.

TheRagingGirl Sun 15-Apr-18 13:15:09

I know if I take a step back that I'll be labeled boring

That won't kill you! And if you get good results, the laugh is on those party animal types who've misread you.

It sounds as though you're catastrophising - seeing everything as either lack or white.

So how about dividing up your day - so it's not 24 hours with other people. The trick is to have times when you're quite visible and "fun" and sociable. And then just disappear. You don't have to make a big thing of it. Maybe in your Halls kitchen be around and join in - or even initiate - a shared SUnday lunch, or a bit pot luck dinner party. Something that establishes you as social, but that has a boundary & that you can control a bit.

Settle on a bedtime that gives you enough rest - say 11pm. Be good about just disappearing then - you don't need to make a fuss about it. Get up at a time that gives you some time on your own in the shared kitchen in your halls. So that's 8 to 10 hours for recharging yourself in peace & quiet on your own.

Then do two stints of work - both in the library. do 3 to 4 hours each time, but take a good break in between. Arrange to meet with friends or Halls flatmates.

Do you have a physical activity or sport you like to do? Yoga, running, walking, netball, lacrosse? Do some physical exertion every day. Get out of breath every day. And you can do this in the company of others, so again, you're showing that you're not "boring". But it's on your terms.

Good luck! You really are not alone, as a lot of people have difficulty adjusting to university - particularly to its very different social dynamics. You're a small fish in a big pond, and there's no "safe" haven or parent to watch your bak.

But it's a wonderful time to start to establish an independent identity.

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