I really don't want to return to University

(57 Posts)
ReluctanceToLeave Sat 06-Jan-18 16:28:32

The title says it all really sad I'm a first year student at University. I've had a really long break, I've been back since early December. I knew I wasn't enjoying myself at uni before I left for Christmas, the happiest I had felt in months was preparing to leave and finally getting on that train back home! Now it is a few days until I have to go back, and it sounds really silly, but I am dreading it. I've loved having the long christmas break, however it has only highlighted how unhappy I was at uni.
I just wanted some advice on how to get through going back. Did any of you ever feel like this? Are you dealing with anything similar with your own sons and daughters? (I feel like I'm the only one not having a ball at uni!) Many thanks if any of you read this and respond. X

OP’s posts: |
StealthPolarBear Sat 06-Jan-18 16:30:52

Can you move elsewhere? Transfer local to home?.
What is it you don't like

SprogletsMum Sat 06-Jan-18 16:32:41

What is it that's making you unhappy?
Can you make changes once you're back at uni to make yourself happier?
I've never been to a brick uni but am doing a part time degree with the ou at the minute, alongside looking after my 4dc and my main wish is that I'd done uni at 18.

PurpleDaisies Sat 06-Jan-18 16:33:32

This is much more common than you’d think.

Have you got a personal tutor you can talk to about how you’re feeling? What’s making you so unhappy?

Have you thought about restarting somewhere else in September?

ReluctanceToLeave Sat 06-Jan-18 16:34:22

@StealthPolarBear I guess I have not really "clicked" with anyone yet, I don't have that many friends to be honest. My halls of residence are renowned for being party central - I don't really drink, and people seem to take exception to this, they badger me and badger me to drink or are just downright patronising.

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Canwejustrelaxnow Sat 06-Jan-18 16:34:37

I 2as an ultra confident and sociable person but really struggled in my first term at uni. I think my expectations were way too high and I was unlucky that I didnt automatically fall in with a group of people. Things did really improve with time.

If things don't improve then try and see the year out and get all your credits and do a proper transfer. Don't jeopardise everything. Good luck.

Couchpotato3 Sat 06-Jan-18 16:34:40

I guess it depends whether you feel this is just a temporary thing and things are likely to get better if you stick it out, or whether you really feel that you've picked the wrong course or university and you need to stop and work out an alternative. The first term at uni can be very stressful, but I think you know in your heart whether its the right thing or not. Have you checked out the financial position if you pulled out now? Would you be committed to paying more fees for this coming term?

My BIL pulled out after a year at one uni, transferred elsewhere and loved it. It is possible to transfer credits for work done, so maybe transferring at the end of the year would be a possibility for you, if you can get to that point?

Another member of the family has just pulled out of uni after one term - she was very unhappy and quite sure that it was the right thing to do.

Personally, I think you should do what feels right for you. Nothing is truly irrevocable at your age, and there will be lots of other things you can do, including getting a job, taking a gap year, going travelling, starting again next year etc etc.

Talk to your parents, hopefully they will be understanding.


ReluctanceToLeave Sat 06-Jan-18 16:36:01

@PurpleDaisies yes I do have a personal tutor. I will definitely talk to him in the New Year, I think we automatically get allocated appointments to talk at the start of second term (if not I will ensure to make one!)
I'm a bit worried about second year accommodation. I'll have no one to live with.

OP’s posts: |
Scarlettpimpersmell Sat 06-Jan-18 16:37:10

Ask yourself a few questions about how you're feeling.
Firstly, pretty much everybody has a bit of a come down after a lovely long break... How much of it could just be this?

Otherwise, can you pinpoint what is bothering you?

Are you homesick and missing family and friends here?

Is there a group of people or one person who make you feel uncomfortable there?

Do you dislike the area or the lifestyle?

How do you find the course are you struggling with the work? Is the workload more than you're used to? Have you chosen the wrong course?

I struggled at first in uni and it was a combination of not liking my subject and not being a typical party animal student.

I fixed this by switching courses to one that I much preferred and exploring which societies and social groups best matched my interests.
Good luck!!

thegoodnamesarealltaken Sat 06-Jan-18 16:37:52

I'm at uni and love it but have had three of my close friends drop out in the past year just simply because it wasn't for them. Don't feel like you have to be there or that it's too late to change course/ drop out/ even move halls ( I had friends who moved in January of first year and it was the best decision they'd made ). Talk to your parents and student support services - you have lots of options, don't worry!

ReluctanceToLeave Sat 06-Jan-18 16:43:10

I don't mind the place where I'm at uni, as I don't mind exploring that by myself at the weekends. It is my actual accommodation. I'm in a strange situation in which I have to share a room with another student - we are just incompatible. She's a party animal, I'm not, I like thing to be clean and tidy yet she never cleans up after herself. I feel like a completely different person when I'm at university, I'm confident and outgoing with my friends at home yet at uni I'm very shy and must come across as really boring in all honesty!

I really need to learn to stand up for myself in front of this room mate, otherwise I know she will walk all over me but I feel like as I am living with her I don't want to cause tension etc. I also don't want her if I do speak up to bitch about me to her friends, as they are all on my corridor and regularly come into the room (it also has it own kitchen area good for socialising )

OP’s posts: |
thesandwich Sat 06-Jan-18 16:43:43

There are lots of people who will feel as you do. And many others who will find the new “friendships” won’t last. Please contact student services and your tutor. And far more people than you think will have not sorted accommodation or regret what they have committed to. Your accommodation service will be able to help. You need to be clear about what you want to change- course, uni, whatever it is. But please talk to your tutor ASAP. Good luck

Kiki275 Sat 06-Jan-18 16:44:27

I wasn't overly happy at uni and I do wish I'd transferred, but I also think it was the uni I didn't like and loved where I did my masters. Firstly, do you enjoy the subject you're reading? If yes, do you enjoy where you live? You might benefit from living in a shared house rather than student dorms, or even just different halls. If no, reassess what you want to be doing and where you want to be doing it - same course, different uni etc. The living accommodation can be changed pretty instantly, but I agree with PP's about sticking the year out to do a formal transfer otherwise. It might be cliche, but also look at the student union clubs. You may find a group who have interests away from just partying.x

ReluctanceToLeave Sat 06-Jan-18 16:49:05

I found it very difficult to pick a course as I'm not overly keen on any single subject however, I feel like there are not many other options other than a degree - everyone pushes you saying it's imperative you have one otherwise employers won't give you a second look! I feel like I just need to get through these three years, I'm hoping they'll go very quickly!

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Marasme Sat 06-Jan-18 16:50:37

Stick with the course, talk to your tutor, but change accommodation asap. Poor flatmates will impact dramatically on your wellbeing.

Have you explored alternative options (other halls with own room, house shares, etc)?

countdowntothenewyear Sat 06-Jan-18 16:53:06

What course are you on OP? Is it something that you could do at a university close to home so you could commute?

ReluctanceToLeave Sat 06-Jan-18 16:54:16

@Marasme I am going to make an effort to all to accommodation, however I'm not sure there will be much accommodation available for me to transfer into. They have very limited accommodation anyway, hence I am sharing the room, but i am definitely going to talk to them and stress how we are very different people. It's not that we don't get on, but I just wish she would tidy up more, not come back so late, go to the doctors when she is ill as it really affects my sleep. She's also done some really disgusting stuff and not cleared up, as well as brought people bac, into the flat making a right noise in the early hours. I don't want to return to that after having been in my comfortable home for a month now.

OP’s posts: |
ReluctanceToLeave Sat 06-Jan-18 16:56:57

I am going to make an effort to speak to accommodation* sorry for the typo

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cestlavielife Sat 06-Jan-18 17:00:15

First off speak to acvomodation. There may be a party person wanting to swap.
Second join club or society .
Third talk to tutor.

wheresmyphone Sat 06-Jan-18 17:06:01

Well done. You have faced up to the problem. Your university and your students union should have people to talk to. Do it as soon as you get back. Many drop out in first year, some switch between courses, some switch universities, some decide to do other stuff. But you have done the hardest thing as identifying there is a problem and deciding to sort it. Good luck. Don’t rush into anything. But start talking to people at the uni and the your students union.

upshltcreek Sat 06-Jan-18 17:09:01

Hi, my dd went through exactly the same thing last year, was in party central halls, horrid flat mates who she didn't click with, missed home, didn't come out of her room for days, she moved to a uni closer to home and it has made a massive difference to her wellbeing and happiness, I started a thread on here at the time and got some good advice, please feel free to private message me if you like x

pepperminttaste Sat 06-Jan-18 17:09:31

Could you maybe look at accommodation that isn't with other first years? I know that wouldn't help with the friends issue but maybe tackle that by joining, say, a uni photography club or something.

Christmascardqueen Sat 06-Jan-18 17:09:57

Most of the party crowd will not make it through to second year. You will eventually find your tribe.
Are you enjoying your program?

jedenfalls Sat 06-Jan-18 17:10:51

Not surprised you are t wanting to go back. Your living situation sounds bloody awful.

Fortunately there’s loads you can do.

First off speak to your tutor, tell them that your living situation is making you consider leaving. I’d be very surprised if that didn’t trigger some kind of help. My uni works very hard to stop people dropping out.

Next, if you can’t get help and there is such a serious accommodation problem at yr uni, then consider transferring to one without such a big problem.

Hope you get sorted soon op. I was always filletd with terrible dread at returning. With hindsight for me it was undiagnosed anxiety. And it’s a pity because it really took the shine off things for me. Again if you suspect that might be an issue, there will be a free counselling service. But it looks to me like you have a reasonable respectable to a bloody crap living situation. flowers

PurpleDaisies Sat 06-Jan-18 17:15:46

Most of the party crowd will not make it through to second year.

I don’t think that’s true.

Op it sounds like you’ve got a sensible plan. Leaving after Christmas is fairly common so you might be lucky and be able transfer to another room. It sounds really hard to live with.

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