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Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Higher education

Humiliated Sons Exam results publicised

409 replies

Frances39 · 08/09/2017 01:21

My son received his A-level results this August and is about to head off to university. However his college which he attended in their assemblies have being showing his picture and results in all the assemblies. My son did very well despite several unfortunate happenings during his exams, however he did very mediocre compared to the rest of the leavers. In their assembly's they put up the A*AA etc. students up and those going to Oxford/Cambridge, then they went on to show my sons grades and his less prestigious university as some kind of charity case. My son has not left his room now for a couple of days since hearing about what the school did, he did not even tell his close friends what grades he got. He feels humiliated and violated that they would do such a thing without his consent and that he was contrasted with Oxbridge students. I have no idea what I should do, I will he contacting the school and maybe a solicitor. I cannot imagine what my son must be experiencing

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SerfTerf · 08/09/2017 01:25

Awful practice.

Solicitor is probably overdoing it, though. Wait until you're calm before considering any kind of complaint.

Is he happy with his choice of course? Can you shift the focus towards uni prep now? When does he start? Is he leaving home or going local?

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/09/2017 01:27

Sharing personal information like that without permission isn't on. Do the school have a privacy policy?

bellabelly · 08/09/2017 01:28

I think it's lovely that the school want to celebrate ALL students' achievements, not just the ones who got 10 A*s and are off to Oxbridge. You say yourself that he did "very well". I don't understand what you're cross about! And I certainly don't understand why you want to engage a solicitor!

Butterymuffin · 08/09/2017 01:29

It's a great shame he feels so bad about it because there's no shame in going to a non Oxbridge university, or a non RG one though you wouldn't believe it from on here. But it will be a new start for him and none of this needs to leak in and spoil his confidence. I would encourage him to let it go with the school and think about his future and the excitement of going to university. If he is seriously depressed then look at getting mental health help for him but I don't think attempting anything legal will help - it's done and out there now.

gluteustothemaximus · 08/09/2017 01:32

Bloody hell that's awful. So sorry, I don't know what to say or suggest. Just you have every right to be angry.

What does your DS want to do?

Is he happy with his uni, and his course he's going on? Can you focus on that instead maybe.

Frances39 · 08/09/2017 01:39

He's very angry and upset and doesn't know what to do, the only things he's mentioned are overtly violent. He knows a lot of people who are in the below years and has already overheard that the school made him look like a moron by comparing him to the Oxbridge lot

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Frances39 · 08/09/2017 01:41

The way they presented his results they weren't exactly celebrated. They showed him as a failure that just scraped a uni place

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notangelinajolie · 08/09/2017 01:43

Really feel bad for your son. My DD's exam results were bad (although tbh not unexpected). Fortunately for her the school has chosen not to publicise them. Tell him to be proud and celebrate his achievement - not everyone gets the opportunity to go to university.

SerfTerf · 08/09/2017 01:44

It can't just have been Oxbridge-bound students and him. There must surely have. been a range of results and destinations?

Do you think maybe you're focussing quite sharply on the Oxbridge part of this yourself?

It would be a very odd school that wasn't celebrating his place or saw him as a "charity case". Is there more to this?

MrsOverTheRoad · 08/09/2017 01:45

In what way specifically did they "show him as a failure" OP?

You're not telling us they pointed and laughed? How would they do what you describe?

"Here are all of our clever Oxbridge kids! And here's a bit of a duffer who did ok."

I doubt it!

Frances39 · 08/09/2017 01:48

It was the A grade students and then him singled out.Then they mentioned not going to uni and doing apprenticesships but not personaly naming individuals though

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bellabelly · 08/09/2017 01:49

I think - and sorry if I am wrong here - that you're projecting your own feelings about this.

MrsOverTheRoad · 08/09/2017 01:50

Frances so they only showed the Grade As and then your DS? He was the ONLY student whose results were shared that weren't As?

Scentofwater · 08/09/2017 01:50

To those doubting, I can totally see how this could have happened- the school might have thought by showing the ops sons grades that they are inspiring students that won't be oxbrige level that they can still go to uni. Unfortunately it sounds like it backfired and made him look bad.
I'd be pissed off in your situation too op.

SerfTerf · 08/09/2017 01:50

Maybe they think his results and his destination Uni are impressive?

Did your DS apply to Oxbridge and miss out? Is that why he feels so negative?

Morphene · 08/09/2017 01:51

Oh good grief that's awful!

So they had a series of 'outcomes' of studying and used your son as one of the case studies without his permission?

That is really very very bad.

Frances39 · 08/09/2017 01:51

They made my son look like a failure in the fact that they were relating his results to that in the 'worst case scenario' you can still get into university or pursue other opportunities

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mylaptopismylapdog · 08/09/2017 01:52

Can he be persuaded into seeing that he has to concentrate on the future and be glad to leave a place that treats people so insensitively? It's not about what others think it's about his future and how he sees it. He needs to realise his life is moving on from that small community.

SerfTerf · 08/09/2017 01:52

Maybe they thought he deserved recognition for overcoming obstacles and still achieving well?

Frances39 · 08/09/2017 01:52

8 individual's with all A's/A*s and then him

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NannyRed · 08/09/2017 01:53

showed him as a failure that just scraped a uni place. Really? Is that what they really really did, or is that how you see him? I'm not convinced this isn't a bloody wind up.

SerfTerf · 08/09/2017 01:54

They said "worst case scenario"?

So it was literally only A and A* students, Oxbridge students and your son who had their results revealed? And they were explicitly negative about his outcome?

Are you sure? It couldn't be your feelings colouring your perception?

Because it all sounds very odd.

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Frances39 · 08/09/2017 01:55

The school was obviously well intended but the way that they went about it was all wrong by using a picture of him with name and grades

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DiegoMadonna · 08/09/2017 01:56

They made my son look like a failure in the fact that they were relating his results to that in the 'worst case scenario

Were they really? That really doesn't sound like the sort of thing a school would do. It sounds more like the biased account of an insecure teenager who feels hurt.

I think your best course of action would be to reassure your son that he has not been humiliated and that there's no shame in going to a "less prestigious" university than Oxford or Cambridge (most kids don't go to Oxbridge, after all!). And what's more, since he's going to uni now, it doesn't matter anyway! He's going to start a new chapter in his life! He can forget all about this childish school nonsense.

Frances39 · 08/09/2017 01:57

They were heavily implying that his results were negative. My neighbours daughter was in the assembly and even she told me that she felt bad listening

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