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Post uni blues - endless tension/friction

(9 Posts)
sayerville Fri 25-Aug-17 14:33:58

DD is now back home after a very successful 3 years, she's currently applying for jobs and plans to do a PGCE next September.
Meanwhile she's had to move back home, her Dad is being unreasonable, making digs about job interviews , that she should have them lined up and the atmosphere is like walking on eggshells.
It was never very good their relationship and she couldn't wait to leave to go to uni and thing's haven't changed. I am sick of the rows and tension, door slamming and arguments, being accused of not backing DH up and generally stuck in the middle.
I think she may have to move into the house I rent,( rent free) as this is causing me such stress. he said he'd 'cut her slack' when she was back but he's just laying down the law as he's been used to having his house to himself. I am upset as this is her home....our home and I love having her company, he's pushing her back and I am deeply resenting him for this.

OP’s posts: |
amaliaa Fri 25-Aug-17 14:35:28

Have you told him how you feel? If yes, what was his response?

scaryclown Fri 25-Aug-17 14:36:56

Finishing uni is also like a bit of a bereavement, so you should be congratulatory, not hassling.
Has she got uni friends she can share with, do a temp job and apply at her leisure?

scaryclown Fri 25-Aug-17 14:39:00

Also its all very easy to say 'you should have' in practicality, it's not that easy anyway.
Is she near uni.. As she could disappear there and say she was getting careers advice and use the facilities..

sayerville Fri 25-Aug-17 14:43:19

He knows how i feel but it's all about him and me being in the middle, I am congratulatory and very proud, encouraging her, she just got her last salary from her uni job and she is socialising which he also resents.

Her bf lives near the uni with his Mum, I suspect she'll live with them but I love her and don't want this to happen, I am really resenting my DH right now for making her feel unwelcome.

OP’s posts: |
Buddy14 Fri 25-Aug-17 14:59:01

He sounds like a bully to be honest and just enjoys having power over her.
You should remind him that if this power trip
Continues , she is not 9 years old And might just take the power and cut him Out.

Tell him how it is. He is being unreasonable and you are losing respect for him. Pack a bag and tell him you don't want to be with him that evening and go and stay with a friend (forward your daughter). Might make him think.

sayerville Fri 25-Aug-17 15:01:50

Buddy I am not that strong sad I have no friends to stay with...

I must admit a few weeks ago I asked if he wanted the same relationship he has with his parents (non existent) and it made him think, we need to revisit this.

OP’s posts: |
Lucysky2017 Fri 25-Aug-17 17:23:32

You could throw out the husband instead! Best thing I ever did. It is absoltuely wonderful living without a husband or partner by the way.

Leeds2 Fri 25-Aug-17 18:29:51

I would find your DH very hard to live with. But yes, of course, your DD should be encouraged to get a job during her year off from study. And if she is planning on doing a PGCE, maybe she should get her skates on if she wants to work in a school starting this September.

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