It appears that DS has, in spite of a loan and our paying his rent at uni, is OD by about 2k - the limit on his account. He has very clearly been spending a lot, largley on socialising, over the past term. Last year, his first, he didn't budget either but at least his account then didn't have an overdraft facility.
I don't know what to do. He's been so cagey about his finances, won't talk at all - in fact, he seems altogether pretty withdrawn. Goes out for long walks at night (he's out now) with barely a word and largely only speaks to me to ask me about food. All quite depressing. We suspect he's fully aware that he's overspent but somehow he's got into a horrible spiral and can't understand that the first step towards disintangling himself is to set himself a budget. He does't work in the term or holidays - another sore point but he doesn't.
His loan for next term will come in soon no doubt - and he's hoping it's soon so he can go back to the uni town for New Year. He didn't like most of his Christmas presents so I've said I'll take them back and put the money into his account. But with a 2 k overdraft and expensive tastes (pricey hairdressers, buys quite a lot of clothes, goes out a lot - ), whatever I give him will be a drop in the ocean. I wish he didn't have an account with an OD (one of those student incentives it was) because then he'd have had to cope with his loan. Last year, we bailed him out a lot but this year, we determined not to quite so much (aside from the rent), hoping that he'd learn to live on the loan alone. It's not ungenerous, so it could have been done (especially if he'd got a pt job).
Do I have it out with him - the thought makes me exhausted and all my overtures re money haven't had any effect so far - just met with disinterest, exasperation on his part and even, sometimes, rudeness. Any thoughts would be welcome! Anyone else, incidentally, had a Christmas when their uni DCs have barely engaged with family life? Unlike their pre-university selves?
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DS, hugely overdrawn at uni. How do I respond?
Isabelle112 · 26/12/2016 23:40
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I did exactly the same as him at uni, but I also got grants and had a v well paying PT job 
. It was difficult to budget because of not wanting to miss out on nights out when 'everyone' would be out. And some others were entirely funded by parents and seemed to have endless cash at their disposal so I guess it seemed like I had to keep up with them. I ended up living over my overdraft for ages - I worked out I could be I think £100ish over and still get card transactions to go through. Although that meant charges by the day - I was in a vicious cycle of needing to be able to eat and therefore have to spend, but facing charges for spending. It was really stressful and I got into a very bad place because of it mentally because the bank were trying to contact me all the time.
I had no one to bail me out so it took some serious budgeting to get back into the black and even then that was after I left uni. My credit rating took a huge hit in my student years, I wish I'd known at the time how important it was to keep good finances.
Obviously it's largely your son's fault, but I do think banks are incredibly irresponsible with the incentives on student accounts.
I think try to reach out to him because he could be being harassed by the bank for money; his late night walks suggest he's struggling with it all. There are good apps for budgeting, maybe sit with him and work out a budget that has a bit of wiggle room for nights out so it's 'doable' and not a punishment in his eyes, but also one that slowly starts chopping the overdraft away. He's not the first to do this and won't be the last, I hope it all gets sorted soon, and by that I mean I hope he faces up to his responsibilities and accepts some good advice from you 
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