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Parental rights at high school

(15 Posts)
blahhh10 Wed 05-Oct-16 17:30:47

So my ex and I split when my son was about 14months old, I left my home because I knew he wouldn't go. He didn't work so it made sense for my son to stay with him while I went to work. Then my son grew used to this arrangement so it always stayed as it was. I've always said if he'd rather come live with me he can but he's a daddy's boy so is happy where he is. Now he's just gone up to high school, which caused issues over the holidays as he was accepted to a high school near me, his dad told him that if he went there he'd need to come stay with me during the week, my son didn't want that so got upset and my ex used that as a reason to not want him there. He didn't get accepted at the schools near him so decided he's home school him, but only told me the weekend before school was due to start. I complained about it but he refused to listen and then 2 weeks in to term my son got upset because he didn't have any friends. So my ex then said fine he can go to the school near me, again didn't tell me just advised me on Friday that he'd be dropping him earlier coz he's at the school near me (he'd been since the Monday) so I decided to contact the school to give my details so I can stay in the loop with what's going on. They called my ex up to ask if he wanted me on the register and he said yes but for information purposes only I am to have no say in any decisions! I am absolutely fuming! Don't know what to do because surely it's not down to him to just decide that?!

Sorry for the long post, just wanted to lay out the facts

yeOldeTrout Wed 05-Oct-16 18:45:07

do U have parental responsibility? And who gets the child benefit?

blahhh10 Wed 05-Oct-16 19:34:53

He gets the child benefit, but we've never done anything legal it's just been a civilised agreement between us that he has him during the week and I have him on a weekend.

Starlight2345 Wed 05-Oct-16 19:41:46

just going out in a minute...

However there are a few issues here...If your DS continues to live with you during the week and at his child benefit should be transfered to you..

You have PR so look up your rights..

blahhh10 Wed 05-Oct-16 19:51:13

He doesn't stay with me during the week, his dad used that to try put him off going to the school. It's only 20mins drive from their house but literally 2mins walk from mine. I'm going to speak to a family law solicitor tomorrow and see what she says. He just keeps going on about how he raised him so he has all the rights. But it wasn't just him that raised him, yes he stayed at his more nights than at mine but during the days he was at school and then his dad worked evenings so he barely sees him where as I'm with him the full weekend when he's here. I'm saying to his dad everything should be a joint decision whereas he's trying to twist it that I want full decision in everything.

titchy Thu 06-Oct-16 07:59:27

As the parent with care your ds's father can make day to day decisions - if he's ill he takes the decision to keep him off school or he decides what to put in his packed lunch for example.

Big long term decisions, treatment for a long term health condition, where he goes to school etc, should have an input from both of you as you both have PR.

If his father unilaterally decides something major you disagree with you mediate, failing that ask the courts to intervene.

The school should communicate fully with you. That might mean giving you access to the parent bit of their website, sending school reports to you as well. But in all honesty there isn't that much insecondary schools and stuff tends to be on websites anyway.

PoldarksBreeches Thu 06-Oct-16 08:05:23

As a person with PR you have the right to communications from the school but you wouldn't be expected to be making significant decisions. For good or bad your ex is the person with day to day care and he gets to make the major decisions.
You could apply to court for example to prevent him removing him from a school but it would depend on the circs as to whether you were successful.
What level of involvement did you hope to have with the school?

blahhh10 Thu 06-Oct-16 08:25:40

They've said they'll send copies of any reports out to me which is good, and I asked about parents evenings which she was a bit confused about. His decision to home school him was totally the wrong thing to do and he didn't listen to anything I said about that or about which school he should go to which is why I now feel I need to be included in any decisions as his aren't good for our son. He just keeps telling me 'he raised him' which isn't true, we both have. I'm going to see a family solicitor today about it and see what she says

instantly Thu 06-Oct-16 08:30:17

How did it work when he was at primary? Did you get the infomration, go to the parents evenings etc?

Where did you think your son was going to school for the whole of year 6? Where did he think he was going?

It seems as if you and your son don't speak or share information. A child in yr6 should have been able to tell you what was going on even if the dad didn't.

PoldarksBreeches Thu 06-Oct-16 08:46:25

Sadly, when you gave his father main day to day care you gave up the ability to override your ex's poor decisions. PR only goes as far as the goodwill between you in a practical sense.

Starlight2345 Thu 06-Oct-16 13:33:12

So he isn't staying with you so yes you are the NRP.

What is it you are looking for from the school..

In terms of decision to home school, he is now not home schooling..Do you have any concerns with the school he is at?

blahhh10 Thu 06-Oct-16 14:09:24

I've just come back from the solicitor and she was so shocked at what's gone on prior to this. I should have exactly the same say in everything as his dad does, it doesn't matter who he lives with more as we are co-parenting and that means I have equal say in everything. I should have been given a choice of schools I wanted him to go to and should also have been contacted when the request for homeschooling was sent in. There's nothin can be done about what's happened previously but going forward I have equal say in everything and they are sending a letter out to the school to say that.
It's not really that I expect anything from the school as such, it's more that he's given actual instruction to not give me a say on anything. I've tried to explain to him that I'm not saying I want to make the decisions on my own, but I legally have a right to my say and that we should be discussing everything because it's not just down to him.

LemonBreeland Thu 06-Oct-16 14:13:36

The school sound like they don't have a clue. They should not have asked your ex whether you could receive info or not. That is not his or their decision. It is your right. Glad the solicitor has made you better informed.

blahhh10 Thu 06-Oct-16 14:27:46

Yea I feel loads better now. It's just hard when you've not been in the situation before to know what's right and wrong and where I stand. I've always done everything with my sons best interests in mind, where as he's just doing it to have the control

PoldarksBreeches Thu 06-Oct-16 17:14:09

If a man called a school and said he was dad and needed information they would check with the mother. They are not wrong to confirm you are mother with him but they certainly shouldn't be agreeing not to consult you.

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