DD has 1st choice but is having a wobble

(17 Posts)
thesurreyyouth Fri 19-Aug-16 12:36:16

DD isn't sure she's ready to go to uni yet. She loves her chosen uni & we're travelling there on Saturday for her to get a feel again for the area before she definitely requests to defer until next year. She is having a wobble about leaving home and feels a year would make a huge difference.
Other than continuing part time working (she's not worried about travelling) can she study part time at college for a year or does that go against deferring? She's not 18 until the end of August so will complete before she turns 19.

OP’s posts: |
GasLightShining Fri 19-Aug-16 13:49:45

My DS isn't 18 until the end of the month and I do think in some cases it can make a huge difference. I expect now the results are out and it is really happening it is starting to seem overwhelming.

Are there any particular parts of moving away she is worried about? perhaps you can talk though these and it won't seem so bad.

It won't do any harm to defer if that is what she really wants and It does give an opportunity to save more money. To be honest I think if my DS's wasn't going this year (same course) my DS would probably have deferred.

I hope the weekend helps her sort it out

eatyourveg Fri 19-Aug-16 16:22:30

ds was 18 last month and only decided to defer in June - he felt he needed to be more self sufficient and wanted a year at home to become "more of a man".The uni didn't mind at all.

I don't see why your dd can't carry on studying part time during the year. ds has signed up for a specialist course in his subject and will be working 4 days and studying one day. He also asked his uni for the reading list so that he can start to get his head around all the new stuff at a leisurely pace.

He has told us he will pay rent and buy his own food so that he can practise budgeting. We were very proud of him for realising that making the decision to defer will make things easier for him next September.

Good luck to your dd

voilets Fri 19-Aug-16 22:13:57

my Ds, a July boy took an extra year for exactly reasons stated.

Made a huge difference.

Just finished his first year successfully. Extra year made a huge difference in maturity.

Worked part time. Allowed to sit in lessons of one subject he retook.

Mentored other sixth formers.

Did a bit of camping.

Had less pressure for a year.

Got a star in retake. Got to first choice uni.

Going well.

MrsBartlet Fri 19-Aug-16 22:26:14

Dd had similar wobbles before she went last year. She is not quite as young in the year as your dd (May birthday) but she was very inexperienced in terms of socialising/ going out in the evening with friends etc. She cried frequently in the weeks before she left saying that she didn't feel ready. However, she held her nerve and went and has had a great year. I am so glad she did as I would have worried about how it would have affected her watching her friends go off and get started on the next phase of their lives whilst she stood still. Good luck to you and your dd - it is a difficult and emotional time.

Million2One Fri 19-Aug-16 23:06:45

My DC didn't take gap years but I can't think of a single one of their friends who did take them that didn't think them worthwhile. Some did stereotypical type gap 'yars' (ski season, back packing etc) but plenty of others just had a year pottering about working in the local supermarket etc.

This generation is going to be working until their 70's so I can't see that taking a year out will do any harm.

poppledopple Sat 20-Aug-16 01:06:37

My DS will now take a year off. Only negotiated with uni yesterday - he has had a serious accident and not physically or mentally well enough to go this year. Although initially not what he wanted he is now delighted at the prospect - looked at so many options to fill his year. DH and I just said that we are looking forward to a lovely year with him to build a better relationship that isnt about nagging - do your homework - you are late for the bus - have you done enough revision....pressure off, he can kick back and grow....he is Aug born so think that comes into it - but maybe by Oct I will be thinking it WAS time for him to move on...!!!


Boogers Sat 20-Aug-16 01:14:15

Is it the leaving home bit she's worried about or the going to university bit? Or both?

With the deferral, I'd get her to speak to the department about the options. They're usually favourable if the gap year is going to be used productively.

Million2One Sat 20-Aug-16 08:10:10

They're usually favourable if the gap year is going to be used productively

I'd be surprised if in 99.9% of cases that they would care at all about what a student was planning to get up to in their gap year.

I think there may be a few exceptions with very highly ranked courses in some subjects. I seem to remember something about top maths courses liking applicants to keep their maths skills up.

AtSea1979 Sat 20-Aug-16 08:18:53

I think going to look again is a good idea. How will she feels when all her friends finish their course just as she's about to go in to the hardest year. If she'll be fine with that and definitely will only be a year out and not get cold feet again next year then I think it's a good idea.

bojorojo Sat 20-Aug-16 15:36:20

I think the bigger problem can be if you are left at home and everyone else goes to university and is full of their new lives and experiences. If she is one of lots deferring then it won't be so bad. She seems to need more confidence so deferring may work but I would recommend she tries to analyse why she does not want to go and how that will be different after another year at home.

My DD did a four year course so lots had left before she did her final year and third year was abroad anyway. I think at that stage they can cope!

wobblywonderwoman Sat 20-Aug-16 15:41:25

Only from my own experience - I was very young starting university and hadn't really socialised or done much other than school and a part time job.

I was lucky to meet a fantastic group of friends and I don't regret going. I think it did me the world of good to go. Also I got on the payroll earlier.

Boogers Sun 21-Aug-16 09:43:28

Million having worked in several departments of an RG university whilst these decisions were being made I can assure you that universities do take into account a gap year, especially when a student is applying for a deferred place in the first instance. If you already have your offer it's not so much of a problem, but if you have two students applying for, say, a deferred place on a BSc in geography where there are 1500+ applicants for 100 places, where one student will be using the year out to research something specific to their area of interest whilst working and the other will just be living it large in Aya Napa, it's not hard to see which one has more dedication to that specific course. There are 11 factors taken into consideration when making an offer, and grades are just one of them. Personal motivation is another, and yes, what you do I your spare time to show interest in your subject does matter with heavily oversubscribed courses at RG universities.

Million2One Sun 21-Aug-16 09:56:23

Boogers That's interesting to know. Is that just for very competitive courses though? 1500+ applicants for a geography course with 100 students isn't your typical University course.

Also, doesn't that make it more difficult for applicants from disadvantaged backgrounds. A lot of the kids I've known have had to take a gap year to earn money to go to University. DSs girlfriend spent the year working all hours in a restaurant.

Million2One Sun 21-Aug-16 10:11:42

Boogers. come to think of it, I think a creative student could manage some geography 'research' at Aya Napa grin

It has a lovely natural arch. 😂

I'm not sure how most students would manage chemistry , molecular biology or physics (for example) research though. That could be tricky. I guess you could spin a line say you were going to read around a subject.

Boogers Sun 21-Aug-16 10:36:32

I can only speak for the university I worked in, and all of the courses were oversubscribed, some only very slightly, some by 1:20. ACORN data is also considered when an offer is being made and personal statements and references go a long way to demonstrating interest and determination. For example, someone applying for a maths degree could join or run a school maths club or chess club at lunchtimes, or they could be a peer mentor for struggling students. Any activity that an applicant can use to demonstrate talent, interest, commitment, perseverance or determination, even something like having a paper round since 14 or organising activities with a local youth club or being a charity organiser all school all go towards demonstrating that little bit special that sets one application apart from another.

With applicants who have taken time out to work, whether a couple of years to save up or several years to work, that's not a problem, especially if your work experience is relevant to your course, but even if it's not, talking about relevant literature you've read, research you've followed, academics that spark your interest all demonstrate why you're applying for that course.

I've read some awful applications from students with all A* at GCSE and A level with no real passion for the subject or institution and I've read some brilliant applications that gave me goosebumps. Each institution will be different but it's the little things that stand out, and taking a gap year or a longer time out needn't be a problem.

Boogers Sun 21-Aug-16 10:53:08

The actual research for chemistry, molecular biology and physics might be difficult but the reasons for interest are easy to demonstrate, same with reading around a subject. Say you want to study a science subject and the development of touchscreens has set you wondering how it came about. You'll look it up on Wikipedia and learn the basics but then you'll want to learn more about the people involved and how one development led to another, which will lead to you reading more and more and more until you get a real passion and interest for a specific discipline of science and a specific area of research within that, if that makes any sense?

And I would look favourably on anyone who could turn their gap year in Aya Napa into research. The buzzwords are 'coastal erosion' and demonstrated perfectly by that arch! grin wink

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