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Uni in 2016.Open day nerves: normal or is she not ready?

(19 Posts)
Invadingpowers Wed 17-Feb-16 11:34:17

Dd has a offer-holders open day coming up and she says she is really nervous, both about getting there, finding where to go, also the event itself, meeting tutors and other students.
she's going on her own, getting the train (2 hour journey). she has travelled on her own and with friends lots of times before, to other places, and has been to the same Uni before with her dad last year. She's never been nervous before about travelling. I can understand nerves about meeting tutors & new people, but again, these are things she's done before on her own. I'm worried that the reality of leaving home and going on her own to uni is hitting her now and she's getting cold feet. if she's scared of this does it mean she's not really ready to go? Anyone else had similar nerves at this stage?

lljkk Wed 17-Feb-16 11:43:20

she sounds very normal, deep breath, she can do it.

BeeppityBeep Wed 17-Feb-16 11:43:27

I really wouldn't worry. It's a big deal to her and it's not surprising that she is feeling a bit nervous. Other DCs will be being driven there by their parents. I don't think it's any reflection on whether she is ready for Uni.

I hope she has a great day.

Invadingpowers Wed 17-Feb-16 11:50:29

Thank you for those replies!
Are / were your dcs similar?
I'm hoping she'll enjoy it and meet people who will be on her course. But if she doesn't enjoy it and doesn't like the people on her course , that will make her more anxious.. round and round in circles !

dottyaboutstripes Wed 17-Feb-16 11:56:10

I agree that it's normal! Try not to worry!

Invadingpowers Wed 17-Feb-16 12:09:09

smile You lot are great. She's convinced she will get lost , go to the wrong place and when she does get to the right place, everyone else will know/ like each other, be 100% cleverer than she is. I've told her they're probably all thinking the same thing but she's not having any of it. She is normally confident and not like this at all , it's very out of character so that's why I'm a bit concerned . She's the youngest in her year, and in her friend group all her friends have already turned 18. When Uni starts they'll all be nearly 19 and she will be just turned 18.

BeeppityBeep Wed 17-Feb-16 12:11:26

Three of my 4 were cool dudes who would refuse to admit to any nerves but my last one was the type to verbalize every single one of her worries. To be honest I found her easier to deal with as I didn't have to try and guess how she was feeling. She is at Uni now and very happy.

I think it's normal to feel apprehensive if you are going to a new place and meeting lots of new people.

All of mine now admit to feeling stressed through their A2 year even the really laid back one. There is such a lot going on.

Invadingpowers Wed 17-Feb-16 12:17:12

Yes, Beep, she's my first and i didnt know the amount of pressure would get so intense, it is very busy, with A levels , jobs, friends and all the worries about growing up and moving away from home. Dd has a boyfriend, they're very close, have been together 2+ years and speak or see each other every day. He's applying for uni in our home town, she's going away. i can see stress ahead about that for sure.

homebythesea Wed 17-Feb-16 12:22:12

It's all getting very real for them now- decisions taken now may well influence the way their entire life pans out (career, spouse, where they live etc etc). No wonder it's stressful! I've just got off the phone with my DS who has driven to an offer day - just idle chit chat as he walks up to the campus from the parking, clearly masking his nerves (he never calls when he's out usually!)

BeeppityBeep Wed 17-Feb-16 12:43:53

The skill is trying not to let your kids know that you are feeling stressed about it too. I caught myself feeling really nervous about their grades and their applications but I knew I had to completely keep it to myself. I firmly believe it's their 'time' to grow and that clucking parents are a bad idea.

I was stressed about different things for each of them. I was worried my Med student DC wouldn't get a place, my super laid back DC would miss his grades, that my easy going DD had not given her choice of course any enough thought and that DD2 would have a nervous breakdown blush I was 100% wrong in every case and very thankful I had maintained my cool parent persona throughout.

Pidapie Wed 17-Feb-16 13:44:47

I was nervous before going to open day at uni and I'd lived on my own for 3 years by then! smile Completely normal, she'll be just fine, I'm sure.

eatyourveg Wed 17-Feb-16 13:53:44

If she is really worried could you do the train bit with her and spend the day shopping while she is at the uni? That way if she has a major wobble half way through, you could sit in on the afternoon sessions.

Leeds2 Wed 17-Feb-16 14:00:44

I think it is perfectly normal to feel nervous. I would!!

In the unlikely event that she doesn't like the uni/the students/the tutors etc, does she have any other offers from different unis that she can go and look at?

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 17-Feb-16 15:25:27

At the offer holder days my girls have been to, most prospective students were with their parents. Mine were by themselves, but if you wanted to go with her, you probably wouldn't stand out!

gonegrey56 Wed 17-Feb-16 15:32:13

My dd made one of her current best friends at an offer holders day (and both ended up going to different universities!) My dd too was desperately nervous but found the visits (she went to 2) really helpful and they helped motivate her for the final academic push to get her grades . Dd is also a summer baby, and was younger than most of her intake but settled in well .

Decorhate Wed 17-Feb-16 17:11:36

If the logistics of the day are a major part of the worry, and you can't take her there yourself, try to simplify the journey as much as possible by getting her to take a taxi between the station & uni, for example

alreadytaken Wed 17-Feb-16 23:06:07

it's normal. Don't take her, she needs to go alone. She'll get there and then when she's actually leaving for university you can remind her of this panic and that she survived it.

You can expect them to be a pain in one way or another until they finally leave and by then you may be glad they are going.

lljkk Thu 18-Feb-16 10:56:20

I'll put another case forward... & say I think it's fine to offer to take her but keep talking up all the reasons why she will benefit if she goes alone. Don't pull rug out from under, let her feel like it's her choice & she knows you are her rock to fall back on if she feels she must.

Just because it's nerve-wracking is not a reason not to do it. If she can do this on her own, she will be so much less nervous next time, so it's worth pushing thru if she can this time, but otherwise, she can do that whenever she thinks she's ready.

Coconutty Fri 19-Feb-16 10:40:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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