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my dd is getting so very stressed with UCAS

(19 Posts)
NoahVale Sun 29-Nov-15 09:21:26

she looks at universities, says she hasnt a hope of getting in, but still wants to go to the open days.
she doesnt sleep
she cries
i wonder if she is getting palpitations
she doesnt eat all day
even her sister is worried about her

what can i do

LIZS Sun 29-Nov-15 09:27:16

How old is she ? Does she feel under pressure to apply now but may be better doing so with her results in hand in August or next year.

NoahVale Sun 29-Nov-15 09:30:45

18, but if she applied next august it would be too late as she has no plans for next year.
we think it would be easier to apply this year with the college backing <doing an extra foundation year currently>>

i have told her she doesnt have to go to uni, she can go where she wants, but admit to being a bit exasperated with her comments on Not getting in.
I have suggested she apply with the college's backing but doesnt have to take up offers.

NoahVale Sun 29-Nov-15 09:31:57

Is it so stressful for ALL?

LIZS Sun 29-Nov-15 09:35:21

If she is doing a foundation year now do her previous results not enable her to narrow down those she is likely to get an offer for ? Could she resit? Is there a college tutor she could speak to regarding her options for next year. I thought you could actually apply in August through clearing , although obviously not same range of places available. What subject does she want to do?

NoahVale Sun 29-Nov-15 09:36:59

she is as yet undecided on her pathway which is majorly stressing her and not helping the situation.
the tutors seemed to have a meeting with her on thursday to force her to make a decision.
because she should have decided already, but she didnt know this.

NoahVale Sun 29-Nov-15 09:37:37

i didnt know you could apply in august through clearing.

BestIsWest Sun 29-Nov-15 09:38:13

Yes, my DS is completely stressed and avoiding it too.

BestIsWest Sun 29-Nov-15 09:40:59

Going to Uni at 18 isn't the right choice for everyone. Would she consider getting a job for a year or so and maybe going when she has more idea of the direction she wants to take?

LIZS Sun 29-Nov-15 09:41:01

Deadline for UCAS applications is January so with all the reference paperwork and Christmas break they probably need it submitted soon. She needs to ask about later applications. There are also non UCAS colleges/Unis which will have separate systems but they may not be financed in same way. What is the foundation year in ?

NoahVale Sun 29-Nov-15 09:43:14

it is an Art foundation lizs,

yes, perhaps she should get a job Best,
I have suggested a year out. perhaps I am not helping, though I think I am.

LIZS Sun 29-Nov-15 09:43:41

NoahVale Sun 29-Nov-15 09:44:34

the college is helping with the UCAS, she has perhaps 12 days she told me, it is her stress levels which are upsetting.

LessStress Sun 29-Nov-15 09:44:45

I can really empathise. Is she young in the year? Sometimes I feel that they are swept along on a wave of expectation from school, friends and sometimes family members without being allowed time to consider what is right for them.
Why not make it clear to her that she doesn't have to apply this year, or at all of course. It may be better to concentrate on getting the best grades she can and think about everything next year. She will not be at a disadvantage for waiting and it may save an expensive mistake and a lot of heartache.
Yr13 is a time of huge upheaval. I wonder whether some Yr13s are simply not ready to leave home and would benefit from an extra year to mature and it may be her facing this too early which is the problem rather than the course or grades themselves. I really wish my own DC had waited FWIW, it was very much a last minute decision to apply in Yr13 and I'm not yet convinced it was the right one.
See if you can get her to unpick why she is feeling like this and reassure her that you'll love and support her in whatever she wants to do (or not do) flowers

NoahVale Sun 29-Nov-15 09:46:38

i will thanks Less

LessStress Sun 29-Nov-15 09:51:04

Sorry, just realised she is doing a foundation year, but the same sentiment applies.

dreamingofsun Sun 29-Nov-15 11:21:14

can you approach this in a pragmatic way, step by step? Does she know what subject she wants to study? (if not a year out would seem sensible whilst she thinks about it and works/saves some money). If she does know what she wants to do the college should be able to give her some forecast of her results at the end of the year? then its a case of looking at the UCAS site or the guardian listing and seeing which places are at about the correct grades. then look at the uni websites and see which tick her box, or work out how far from home she wants to be.

do this stage by stage. so it doesn't sound so large a job

Kez100 Sun 29-Nov-15 12:27:59

My DD is in second year of an arts degree. In itself, it is very stressful. Crits on work and there is never a point where you cannot improve. I think the arts is also an area where maturity and life experience is a good thing so, if she is like this now, don't make her. A degree can be started at any age. Allow her to explore other options she feels more comfortable with - a gap year or work.

ClancyMoped Tue 01-Dec-15 01:14:26

You can apply as a 'late' applicant with UCAS although it depends on the course. If she doesn't get an application in by the normal deadline then she has other options. My friends DD changed her mind about having a gap year and got offered places after results without a UCAS application. I'm not sure if she had to fill in the paperwork to actually take up her place but the offers she received were from visiting the Unis just after the results came out. It was mid ranking Unis.

Have you any colleges or Unis that are local to you? Might that be an option.

Do you live in an area where it's easy to get gap year work?

Do you think she has mental health issues as apposed to being really stressed iyswim . My DD2 was incredibly stressed at that age and would cry and not eat but as soon as her exams were over she was fine. She always maintained she was stressed because she had something to be stressed about.

I know it doesn't help but it's really normal to be stressed. All four of mine say their a levels were the most stressful thing ever even though two of them seemed fine. Of the two who I think we're properly stressed one was quiet and withdrawn and the other was DD2 who sounds a little like your DD although maybe not so bad. There school (comp) wasn't pushy and we are not pushy but I think the pressure comes from all around and from themselves. Fortuanately, they all did well and got to go where they wanted. It all seems to come out in the wash in most cases.

Is your DD your eldest?

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