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Living at home

(14 Posts)
ClareDeLune Mon 17-Aug-15 18:36:32

Anyone's DC lived at home for uni? Our dd has done fantastically and been accepted at our local RG uni.

We simply can not afford to pay her rent as we have another two children coming up to uni age in the next two/four years. On paper we don't qualify for anything other than the basic maintenance loan, but the reality is that I'm in a particularly low paid job (that I love so I'm not leaving) and dp runs his own business so income is never guaranteed and amount varies, combined with a large mortgage. We have some savings but they are there in case it all goes tits up with the business.

So we have offered her an amount per month which is really all we can afford without significantly affecting our lifestyle and other children, bearing in mind that we also lose child benefit for her as well so it is in effect "costing" us more.

She is under the impression that she will be the social loner/miss out if she isn't in accommodation. Is this the case? Does anyone else's DC live at home and can offer advice?

Background: she's really poor at budgeting and is always asking for a loan at the end of the month - always paid back. Dd does have a job but needs her car to get to it and if she lives away, will not be able to access this job on public transport or bike.
She is so desperate to live out that she's talking about giving up this job, getting accommodation, getting another job and seeing how it all pans out. The figures really don't add up to me and it is clear that she will be borrowing from us. If she went ahead, what would happen if she couldn't pay her rent?

I suppose I need reassurance that she isn't going to miss out too much. If she is I could get an evening job but it's a lot to ask after a day's work, especially as dp works all hours and if I'm honest I don't fancy it.

Leeds2 Mon 17-Aug-15 18:49:49

No real advice, but a friend's daughter did this. She found settling in easy, as she knew the city, and was confident mum and dad would provide a roof over her head and food! She was also able to keep her well paid Saturday job, and indeed do extra hours. She also tended to keep her "old" friends, rather than make new ones.

She now says she wishes she had been brave enough to move away, so that she had experience of living alone and in a different city. The reason she didn't move away was fear/existing boyfriend, rather than finances.

I think it is perfectly possible to do, and my understanding is that it is an increasingly popular option. But do make sure she makes new friends, and don't be disapproving if she rolls home having had a bit too much to drink! I certainly don't think you should be getting an evening job. If DD is that desperate, maybe she could apply again next year and have a gap year working to support herself when she got to uni?

Raidne Mon 17-Aug-15 19:18:27

I went to university in London and loads of students lived at home, even in the dark ages when I was there. I believe numbers have increased since then. When we visited Manchester university we were told that lots of their students also live at home. She certainly won't be the only one.

Also bear in mind that after 1st year students tend to be scattered around rather than grouped together in halls.

ClareDeLune Mon 17-Aug-15 20:08:11

Thanks for the reassurance. She's earned more part time than me (term time) for the past six months and hasn't saved a penny of it so I really do not want to get another job to help if possible. But on the other hand I don't want her to miss out and that's the guilt trip I'm getting now.

Rml109 Mon 17-Aug-15 20:14:16

I work at a university where a lot of students live at home. They have to work at making friends at first, as many students do make these in halls. However, by joining societies, making friends with students on their course, and by utilising their local knowledge they will soon do well.
I suggest they do invest in attending as many of the Freshers events as they can as a way of feeling part of University life. If later on they feel the need to fly the nest, they can do it (but this is easier in second or third years).
The important thing to do, as a parent, is to try and let your child become an adult. Try not to worry too much when they are out late, when they sleep in too much, and when they just don't want to talk about anything.
Do invest in good broadband, a decent printer (that you keep fully stocked), and encourage your child to learn all the soft skills (cooking/cleaning/bills management etc) that they would if they were living away.

Kez100 Mon 17-Aug-15 20:23:17

I had one friend whose DD did and she managed all three years very well and made plenty of mates. She'd also stay over sometimes with them when they were going out. She graduated a year ago.

My other example - my DD who is moving into a house this year as her second year and one of the girls joining worked from home last year and didn't feel part of it properly, so is moving into a house this year.

She could do that if year one doesn't pan out that great from a social perspective. To be honest, if she makes some effort, I don't see why it shouldn't. It is expensive keeping them on that loan level - we do it but our mortgage is repaid.

sashh Tue 18-Aug-15 06:57:59

If she wants to go in to halls she will have to pay, and usually you pay a term up front. If she really wanted to she would have saved up the money for the first term's rent.

TheBooMonster Tue 18-Aug-15 07:16:32

I lived at home in the first year, financially moving out after that was a huge mistake and working to cover my expenses is a good part of the reason I didn't finish my degree, initially knowing my way round the city made me invaluable to people new to the city. There used to be a forum where you could get to know people going to your uni before move in week so I met lots of people on there then got mucked in helping them move in then showing them round the cool places pubs and bars in the city and that gained me enough friends until I met people on my course.

My sister's just finished her second year and is still living at home, she doesn't struggle at all and has lots of friends, it doesn't sound at all like she's missing out on the uni experience, she just always has a roof to come back to that's free!

cricketballs Tue 18-Aug-15 07:29:52

its also worth considering how close you are to the uni; a popular uni for those from the school I teach in usually offers halls to those who live more than 25 miles away from campus so last year there were several who should have been offered halls; however due to the numbers whom firmed and accepted places, they had to change the usual mileage to 35 miles away thus the students from my school were not offered halls and had to search for private lets

merlottime Tue 18-Aug-15 08:19:11

One of my friends did this. It was a complete disaster as he struggled to make friends as most others were in halls. He dropped out and went somewhere else, far away, the following year. So my advice would be that if the Uni is one where all of the first years are in halls together it will put them at a real disadvantage. If they aren't in formal halls it may be less noticeable and easier to make it work.

AtiaoftheJulii Tue 18-Aug-15 09:20:45

If she has her own car, that must cost a fair bit for insurance, etc? Maybe she could give up the car and then there'd be more money available for accommodation? Having had a job for a while she'd be in a better position to get another one.

eatyourveg Tue 18-Aug-15 19:08:56

ds is in London first year in uni accommodation second year he was in private rental but couldn't afford it so came home to commute (40 min train) during the first term and got another student to take on his lease. He did miss out on the social aspect a bit but he's not a party animal and made sure he came home late at least once a week. Moved back to London last month and will stay there for the whole of the third year I think as he's in a grotty hovel cheaper area further away from the uni

SellFridges Tue 18-Aug-15 19:19:37

I have always said that my children will be encouraged to go to university but I will not support them financially if they stay at home. I honestly think it's a waste of money if they don't move out. University is not just about reading for your degree, it's about way more than that and unless you're hyper local then the experience is entirely different.

I lived at home during my post-grad degree (10 miles away from the university) and it was a mistake. I should have moved into the city as I would have been able to access facilities more readily. I also kept running to my mum for financial help, but if I was away I would have been more reluctant to do so.

Chillywhippet Tue 18-Aug-15 21:07:31

We are in a similar situation but DD1 will be living in.If there is no way you could stretch to it for just the first year then that's how it is.
However if I had any options I would look into living in for year one for all the reasons above plus I couldn't stand DD being home and mopey.

The car must cost loads to run. Your DD has obviously done really well in her exams while holding down a decent job. On the getting ready for uni thread someone said thier daughter is going to try to do it without financial support from her parents.

My DD1 has been told how much we can support her this year. She knows this may change next year and will certainly change in year 3 if DD2 goes to uni that year as well.

Her maintenance loan is paying her accommodation as I know she couldn't manage to budget on just 3 lump sums. She's getting better with money but we will pay our contribution monthly at first and see how she manages. We figure that it would cost us to keep her at home. She will be working in holidays for certain and in term time if she can find something manageable.

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