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DS/DD off to Uni? - Empty nest support thread

(1000 Posts)
rustybear Thu 31-Aug-06 20:09:19

DS is off to Warwick in October - anyone else feeling old? Or are there any old hands with advice ?

pippop1 Wed 12-May-10 16:31:52

I sometimes send my DS an online shopping order from one of the supermarkets. It's really appreciated and the delivery charge is usually free if you spend over a certain amount or choose a strange time of day. If not it's not too much and you can send them heavy stuff (such as washing powder and toilet rolls) that are difficult to carry without a car. If you send cider/beer you will be v popular and it's better than sending money as you know they will eat well.

mumeeee Mon 17-May-10 12:23:28

pippop1. We can't send big deliveries as at the halls where she is at the moment won't wxcept them. It is one big building with several floors diveded into flats of six or 7 bedrooms. They go to the office to collect their post. She and her friends have now got the house I mentioned. It's right near the campusso she still won't have any travel costs, They can move in in June if they want to.

pippop1 Thu 20-May-10 09:46:23

No, we couldn't send deliveries until he was in a shared house in the second year. In fact two things (books from Amazon) that I sent to halls never actually got to him as they had an unmonitored post room with pigeon-holes one per 8 people in the flat.

mumeeee Mon 24-May-10 23:19:16

pippop1 that's asbame about the books. We can and do send DD2 small parcels and she has all ways got them. I think this is because there is a security gaurd or another member of staff on the site at all times and they monitor the post.

pippop1 Tue 25-May-10 16:25:51

When he had a cold one day I sent him a fleecy blanket. The poor thing only had a duvet. I have to confess I am a (possibly overly) concerned mother.

mumeeee Tue 25-May-10 19:14:35

I think I can be that way to and I expect a lpot of other Mums are. I send DD2 little bits and pieces every now and again. She loves silly things. I bought her a fleecy blanket when she came home for a few days and she tok it back with her, I do try and not send her money for food as I'm trying hard to trust her to eat properly and we want her to learn to budget, She is doinf well and hasn't run out of money yet. I know she buys fruit.

mumeeee Tue 25-May-10 19:16:51

Sorry about my typing.

mumeeee Wed 16-Jun-10 22:35:28

How are all your DC's doing? DD2 has now finished her first year at uni and she actually hasn't run out of money? She is staying in Kingston for most of the summer holidays. She now has a house that she is sharing with friends and is already in the process of moving in. She has managed to get her self a job for the summer. She'll be working Tuesday to Friday evenings and all daySaturdays, So it will actually fit in with university when she goes back, She has also got invoved with some Drama group up there, DH and I are a bit sad that we won't see her much in the summer but we are very proad that she's doing well at uni and has made a lot of friends and that she tried hard to get a job,

RustyBear Thu 19-Aug-10 12:14:55

Time to revive this thread, maybe!

Makes me a bit nostalgoc to see it - I started it when DS was off to Warwick, he's now been graduated a year & DD is about to start her last year.

Lilymaid Thu 19-Aug-10 12:33:39

I was on this thread when DS1 was 2nd year. He's now been at work for two years and is going back to university for an MSc this year.
Meanwhile DS2 is on a gap year and will be returning to start university at the end of September.
Warning - from our experience in DS2's gap year, an empty nest can be great! Your car is your own, no worrying in middle of night whether they will come back from clubbing, free to do what you want when you want, you don't have to cater for their food fads/gigantic appetites...
longingly in DS2's room and gives the teddy a cuddle ...

Mummifixit Wed 15-Sep-10 08:03:56

My DD is moving into halls this Saturday. I have been a single parent for many years and she is my only child. I am so proud of her for achievements and the fact that she is going to uni. But, I am dreading her going - the house is going to feel so empty and quiet. I do work full time, and I have started a college course, and so will have something to keep me busy. I am absolutely dreading dropping her off - I don't know how I will prevent myself from being in floods of tears sad. Any suggestions of helpful things / techniques would be very much appreciated.

mumeeee Thu 16-Sep-10 00:06:27

DD2 went back to uni for her second year last week. I had already ben through my eldrst DD going to uni but she was in our home town so could meet her regulary. DD2 is in Kingston which is about 3 hours drive away from us. Any way DH and I took her to her Hall when she started last year ( this year she is in a shared house and went back by herself). We spent a few hours looking around the town with her and had lunch together, We left her to unpack as that was what she wanted and I found it was better not to hang around to long. I phoned her quite often to start with. But now we keep in touch by text and I phone her about once a week. She sometimes phones home usually if she needs help with something or som advice,

donna123 Thu 16-Sep-10 15:20:19

Can anyone help with an idea for a going-away present.
The back bedroom is full of pots & pans and other practical stuff but I need an idea for a nice thing to remind DD that her mum&dad love her. I'm not going to get clothes or jewelery because it's bound to be all wrong, so what is a fail-safe?
In my dreams, years ago, I was going to do her a mixed tape ... which is just a little bit obsolete these days. sad

mumof3teens Thu 16-Sep-10 18:47:11

Just dropped DS2 back at Uni today sad. He has gone back a bit earlier as he has a job at the uni for 3 days helping freshers settle into their halls. I think a nice pressie for donna123 to give might be a basket (or box) full of small goodies that her DD would like - favourite bits of food, nice girly shower/bath things, magazine etc I know my DS1 really appreciated a photo of all of us that he had on his wall. mummyfixit - Your DD will probably be fine - I would take a door wedge to prop open her uni door and take along a few small bottles of beer or biccies/cakes and invite other freshers into her room for a drink/cake as they walk past. Both DS1 and 2 did this and both arranged to meet up in the common room at 6pm with other freshers. At least then you know she will be doing something with some other newbies, which will make you feel better. I was upset taking mine to uni but just had to remind myself that they were both doing something they had wanted to do for a long time. As mumeeee said, arrange to speak to her or text her once a week or so - the terms really do fly by and it will be great to see her and catch up with all she has been doing when she comes home.

mumeeee Thu 16-Sep-10 19:59:51

When DD2 went to uniu we bought her a cable to commect her laptop to the internet. I also gave her a box of basic supplies like coffee and hot chocalte. I emailed her a family photo during the first week.
During her first year I sent her little bits and pieces everynow and again. Thingslike small bottls of toiletries,silly stationary stuf and other bits and pieces I know she likes, I will do this again mow she has gone back

thelunar66 Thu 16-Sep-10 20:04:20

DS off to Lancaster on 4th October... that's me and DH alone now.

God I'm gonna miss my boy. My baby. sad

And Lancaster is 3 hours away, so no whizzing off to rescue him like we had to with DD who was 30 mins down the road in Lincoln.

He is also waaaaay less street wise than DD.

donna123 Fri 17-Sep-10 08:32:13

We have been collecting household goods throughout the year, as we have spotted bargains, and will be taking that down. The other stuff we will get when we drop her off because we don't know the dimensions of the room yet and also with heavy stuff, like groceries, it's daft to cart it all the way down there when there is a supermarket just up the road. We have also sussed out where Ikea and Wilkinsons are!
Good thinking about the internet cable, mumeeee, because we are on wifi at home. DD thinks the S.U. sells them.

Toiletries and stationery sound like nice ideas. Along with a large wodge of cash so she can afford to be sociable during Freshers.grin

mumeeee Fri 17-Sep-10 10:58:27

We didn't give her any cash as we paid er rent and wanted her to learn to budget straight away, She did have £300 of her own money which she had managed to save, She should have had more but while she was at home wasn't very good at budgeting. She learnt during her first year and is now much better at budgeting, Oh she did have £500 left to her from her late Grandfather. She didn't get that until towards the end of her first year and she used for deposit and rent on the shared house she is now in. She moved inwhen she finished uni for the year. Stayed up ther for most of the summer as she had a job for a short while, Anyway I'm going on a bit. Just wanted to say young people grow up during their first year at uni.

Bearcat Fri 17-Sep-10 17:06:26

My youngest DS was 19 last Saturday and rather than giving him all money for his B/D I bought him a Roberts Alarm/radio with an ipod docking station, and its brilliant.
He is off to the same uni on Sunday that his brother graduated from after a 4 year engineering degree.
Oldest son has been having a massive clearout of all his stuff this week before he starts work and has come up trumps with all sorts of stuff (stationary) that the youngest will find very useful.
The pile of stuff in the hall is gradually getting bigger (youngest DS has done nothing to assist here as he has been woring full time for the last 8 weeks and he's pretty laid back about it all. Hopefully he'll pack his clothes tomorrow).
We won't be empty nesters in the short term as oldest has decided to stay here with us for a while at least, particularly as we live in SW London and he can commute to work and all his old friends also seem to be back from uni living at home!
In fact his cousin who is starting a PhD in London is coming to live with us next weekend until he can sort himself out with accommodation so things aren't going to change much numbers wise in our house!

dizzydoris58 Fri 17-Sep-10 17:49:47

Hi all,
I 'm new to this thread and to DC going off to uni.
DS has started at drama school last week. the school doesn't have halls so he had to find a house and people to share right from the beginning. Luckily the school held a meeting up day back in July and had a FB group so that they could get to know others on the course.
DS moved into his house last sat, unfortunatley one of the rooms is quite small, they drew straws and he got the small room, he's quite bummed about that, but its been agreed he can pay a bit less. sorry we can pay a bit less! the loan hasn't come thru yet, although we have had the confirmation letter.
Anyway he is having a great time, making loads of friends during Freshers and finding his way around London. Drama schools are small compared to uni and he says the 2nd and 3rd years are really welcoming.
Me and DH are missing him like mad and have realised we did too much for him at home washing, cooking etc. We still have DD at home for 1 year and then she will be off. not looking forward to that!!!.
Its very weird cooking and looking after 3 not 4 still i suppose you get used to it. But at least I know I'm not alone.

mumeeee Fri 17-Sep-10 21:09:50

dizzydoris58. He won't get his loan until he has been enrolled and the uni confirm that he is doing the course. DD2 got her loan today. She had to go and scan her confirmation leter in at uni earlier this week.

teahouse Fri 17-Sep-10 22:27:34

Dropped DS1 off to Plymouth yesterday - 4 hour drive and lots of tears when we parted. Just me and DS2 now so a big change.

He seems a little more settled today and with Freshers week next week I am hoping he'll be OK. Not in halls but Uni approved accomodation.

Isn't it strange seeing them go. All those years he had me to fall back on, and now he's got to learn to do a lot for himself.

Waiting to hear about loan and grant but fingers crossed all will be OK. so much to worry about

Drayford Sat 18-Sep-10 22:31:11

DD off to London tomorrow. It's not so bad for me as she's been at boarding school for her sixth form, but her bedroom does look really bare

She is absolutely straining at the bit and can't wait to get away from boring old Devon!

I've taken MN advice and am sending her off with a chocolate cake and a bottle of vodka!!!

donkeyderby Sat 18-Sep-10 23:50:20

I can't prepare myself for how I am going to be when I drop DD off in Norwich on Saturday. She's quite shy and a bit worried she won't make friends. Bless her, she's booking stuff up for Freshers Week in a real effort to be out there and doing stuff. I think she probably will be ok, but I can't make it happen for her. I have to stand back and let her go. It's very hard, and I feel quite weepy just thinking about it.

Do you think there will be a surplass of chocolate cake and vodka? I'm worried she'd drink all the vodka in one to get over her nerves, so I'm sticking to buying wine.

mumeeee Sun 19-Sep-10 16:01:04

donkeyderby. DD2 started uni last year at the age of 19. She was quite shy bit soon made friends. She had alredy found some studnts on a Facebook group who were goiong to be living in the same halls as her and on the same course. |She made lots of frinds and had a great year. She is now sharing a house with some of her friends. She went back early to help on Freshers week, Her uni starts tomorow and they had freshers week last week.
She has grwon a lot in confidence and also learnt to manage her money. I didn't send her with any chocoalte cake or vodka, But did give her hot chocolate and her favourite biscuits,

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