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EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 3

(1000 Posts)
mrsrhodgilbert Thu 28-Nov-13 15:33:55

The comment about where they now live and consider to be home is interesting. If dd doesn't go back to until the end of January she will only have just over two months until the Easter holidays. She will actually come home on my 50th birthday and we are all going away for a few days. After Easter she then has about another 4 or 5 weeks left, possibly with a few exams after that.

That sounds like no time at all and then she will be back for the summer, hopefully with a job again. If some dc consider they have left home, do they not come back for the holidays?

I'm hearing from her much less and she seems quite busy with work. I'm not sure she feels she has many friends yet and it seems quite fluid still, but she is definitely calmer. She has a few pre Christmas things lined up, ice skating, panto, club parties, lunch out etc so I hope some friendships will be cemented. Still no plans for a house for year two but ive tried to tell her not to panic about that. Some people who were sorted a few weeks ago might not be any more.

BlueStringPudding Tue 27-Jan-15 15:07:09

DD and her friends secured their house yesterday. There are 5 of them, and a new house came on, and they dashed over to see it, and then straight on to the Letting Agents to confirm they wanted to take it. As they were filling out the forms another group came in wanting the same property, and both groups' details were sent to the Landlord who confirmed they'd let it to DD and her friends. Small matter of immediate deposit of £430 plus agent's fee of £180 (per person). She's given our names and details as guarantors, and says it will just be for her room, not for the whole house! Presume we'll get something through the post soon and will need to check it carefully. She's in Catered Halls this year, which she has really been enjoying, but this should be much cheaper even though it still seems quite expensive.

madeinkent Mon 26-Jan-15 14:07:46

DS is going back this weekend, straight into a party for his course. He's going to really miss this life, he too is halfway through. I still haven't managed to get him to lose all the hair, not even for DD's birthday party this past weekend! As he only gets two terms a year, he only has a few days off over Easter and we were hoping to take him to London for a stay (it's his birthday) and see all sorts of things he likes, but he wants to go snowboarding so I guess this is it really, all he will want from us in future is the money to help fund it rather than our scintillating company!

I am so going to miss him, I really rather wish he didn't have such a long break because I do get used to him being back all over again, and we have been sharing the cooking, which is great. I am getting pangs, it will be interesting to see how bad I really do feel this time when he goes back. Nothing like last year, that's for sure.

He was surprised to get an email from his letting agents last week asking for £100 deposit if he wants to keep his room for next year. They also said they were contacting him first, and if he wants to change rooms, he gets first dibs on the rooms, despite NONE of the others being about to leave the house. Don't you think that's awful? His room is the smallest, but we completely refurbished it for him so that he has loads of storage, so he is fine. He reckons it would start a war if he tried to take someone else's room! I wondered if it is because he has always been the one to contact them about things like fire alarms/boiler/tumble drier when there have been problems.

We will need another thread, this one is about to expire!

traceyinrosso70 Sun 25-Jan-15 15:28:06

My DD1 has got her house for next year sorted along with us having to agree to be guarantors for her - don't remember having to do that when I was a student ! Will work out more expensive due to having rent to pay for July/August so looks like the bank of mum and dad will have to dig deeper !

Littleham Sun 25-Jan-15 10:50:58

Thanks everyone. Trying not to panic, but failing at the moment. The trouble is that I have a nasty feeling that there are too many students for the amount of accommodation, so it feels like a game of musical chairs.

SecretSquirrels - you are right, some of the options are so expensive. I hadn't thought about the other students dropping out - a new thing to worry about. StressedOut - I can't even imagine her organising the year abroad yet. Nightmare.

Stressedoutsobad Sat 24-Jan-15 20:28:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stressedoutsobad Sat 24-Jan-15 20:23:51

A big sting with private lets over halls seems to be the number of weeks - halls run Freshers - May/June and the Private lets 50-52 weeks so the cheaper rate soon disappears when you convert it to annual cost.

Notsoskinnyminny Sat 24-Jan-15 18:43:05

SS as Chinese isn't traditionally taught in schools courses are ab inito (for beginners). For Japanese the students were expected to know how to write the alphabet before they started (not kanji - the chinese symbols). My friend's son was going to study English Lit and German but strolled into a Chinese presentation and opted for that without telling DPs. He's now on his year abroad and loving it, except for the internet restrictions - bookface forbidden - but he's learnt how to write proper letters, which his mum loves grin

SecretSquirrels Sat 24-Jan-15 17:53:19

Notso That's really interesting. DS2 did French at GCSE and got A* but that's only because of the way the subject is examined, not because he has any flair for languages. He has been dabbling online at Chinese. I haven't researched it (as it's only the latest whim) but I have seen courses which include that as a joint subject but I assumed an A level would be required.

Littleham DS got his sorted in December. It seemed way too early to me and I was just staggered by the costs involved, I had naively thought halls were more expensive than living off campus. Clearly student lets are a lucrative business. I hope the other five don't drop out.....

Notsoskinnyminny Sat 24-Jan-15 14:18:01

SS DDs always been interested in japanese pop culture. She hated languages at school and dropped them at GCSE because she was into art and textiles. She'd started learning bits of japanese by chatting to people on different forums, they'd ask her to explain english idioms and she decided she should try and communicate with them in their language, It was only when she went to a uni conference in Y12 and realised that without a language GCSE she had no chance of studying japanese that she found a college, 30 miles away, that agreed to accept her onto an evening class, and she got an A*. She hated the contextual way languages are taught in secondary school and if she does go into teaching wants to teach the way her japanese or primary school teacher (she started learning French in Y3) did.

She taught herself a bit of Chinese before she went to uni and learnt more from the exchange student she's hoping to visit. She finds them easier to learn than european languages although she's not keen on korean. I suppose if its something they're interested in then they'll persevere.

Littleham try not to panic. DSS rushed to sign a lease this time last year and 2 of his group didn't return in September so the landlord found other students, that he doesn't get on with, to fill the empty rooms.

Littleham Fri 23-Jan-15 20:20:11

Feeling stressed about dd1's accommodation for next year. She has her group organised, but has been concentrating on exams up until now. Feel like jumping up and down like Rumpelstiltskin to get her to start organising it. Otherwise she will be living in a cardboard box next year. angry

SecretSquirrels Fri 23-Jan-15 17:09:10

Notso some diverse languages among your DD's group. Has her food fussiness improved since she went to uni? DS was annoyingly faddy and within 3 months has transformed into someone who eats anything. I even caught him eating salad over Christmas.
When did they take up the Chinese / Korean / Japanese? DS2 muttering about Mandarin but this is the boy who made a bonfire of his French books after the GCSE exam and actually hasn't a clue what he wants to do.

Notsoskinnyminny Fri 23-Jan-15 16:39:03

Yes SS and the one she fancies is a proper academic year so she's decided I can come over for a holiday whenI break up and help reduce her excess baggage. She's also hoping to visit China and Korea while she's there to meet up with friends studying those languages. My only worry is what will she eat because she's a fussy beggar and even their McDs tasted horrible to her Japanese chicken is very odd but I pretended it was ok

how about holland for DS2 - everyone speaks english there and many courses are delivered in English

SecretSquirrels Fri 23-Jan-15 10:18:19

Hi everyone.
DS has been back 3 weeks now. he skypes regularly and seems to be enjoying the work. He had a big exam the first week back which went well so he is feeling more relaxed I think.

Kez100 What does she do on her international trip?

Notso Will this be for a full year in Japan?

DS2 is looking at unis - here we go again- and he is interested in spending some time abroad. Not a linguist though so it would have to be English speaking.

Kez100 Thu 22-Jan-15 20:43:31

dd starts her second semester next week. She has just missed refreshers but has been home working on a commission so keeping busy. She is off on an international trip in early March so looking forward to this term.

Notsoskinnyminny Thu 22-Jan-15 18:21:21

Glad you had a good time mumeeee

DDs finally been given details of the unis she can apply to for next year. She's got her heart set on one an hour from Tokyo and keeps emailing links to different things and phoning to discuss them - what would we do without the internet?!

mumeeee Thu 22-Jan-15 09:39:49

Hi everyone how are all your DC's doing, I can't believe DD3 is now halfway through her degree. Where as the time gone. I have just spent a couple of days with her in Bolton as she has a week off after having an exam on Monday. It was really good to see her and have a late Birthday celebration with her. She was much more relaxed than she was at Christmas as she won't have any work untill the next Semester starts next week.

Doilooklikeatourist Wed 14-Jan-15 21:49:04

DS went back to London on Sunday
Sure enough , there was a phonecall later that evening about a missing memory stick ,and his toothbrush charger ....
He also has facial hair . i think it looks awful , but he says he doesnt get age ID so its better
Hes going on a so called sports tour to Spain , the first week of the Easter hols , but will be home for his 20th birthday to go out with his friends

DD will be away next year as well , she wants to do performing arts and has auditions to go to , starting on Friday in Chichester

good to hear youre doing well MrsRhod

Kez100 Mon 12-Jan-15 19:51:31

My DD cleaned caravans one summer - that's a real eye opener as to how people live but she also learned all the tricks to clean properly. She moved to a different and marginally more glamorous job the next year, but she is still a better cleaner than I am!

Notsoskinnyminny Mon 12-Jan-15 18:44:38

The cleaner for DDs flat only does the communal areas once a fortnight and the table/worktops have to be clear and the sinks empty of dishes so she can clean as she's not there to tidy up. They also have random flat inspections with a max of 24 hours notice. Her flatmates last year were a lazy bunch, DD included, and received constant warnings but this year's group are great, they even emptied and defrosted the fridges, did their washing and changed their beds before coming home for xmas - someone's been well trained and is sharing the knowledge grin

PurplePotato Mon 12-Jan-15 18:27:53

Spoke to DS today, and he thinks they just don't bother in the holidays even though he's still paying rent and lots of the students stay through the holidays (the cleaners are supposed to hoover bedrooms and empty bins weekly, as well as communal areas). The halls are a being decommissioned at the end of this academic year, so I get the impression they're being left to go to rack and ruin a bit. Secret and mumeee, nice to know there is a general lack of hovering going on! I will put it out of my mind...

Anyway, I think I was just a bit down at leaving him last night - for some reason it got to me more than when he started in Oct, when it was all new and exciting. But onwards and upwards - DS says he's coming home for a break halfway through this term so we're looking forward to seeing him then.

Littleham Mon 12-Jan-15 14:50:47

DD has gone back today and has exams this week. All seems to be going really well. Her all girl flat is super clean. They have a cleaner for shared areas once a week. Also one flat mate loves cleaning and another loves cooking!

SecretSquirrels Mon 12-Jan-15 14:03:14

mumeee I hope your DD manages to celebrate her birthday later with her friend? DS had his while he was home in the holidays but they had a little celebration in his flat when everyone got back.

Only communal areas are cleaned at DS halls. I looked in the bathroom (shared between 2) and the kitchen (between 8) and they were very clean.

Unlike his room.

I know there is a hoover because I spotted it when we moved him in. He says he doesn't see the need to hoover the floor, it looks fine to him and no one else has used the hoover to his knowledge hmm.

mumeeee Mon 12-Jan-15 12:43:07

Oh and the hoovers were kept in the wardens office but they were never there. So DD3 didn't hoover her room at all last yeargrin

mumeeee Sun 11-Jan-15 22:45:40

Purplepotato DD3 has to clean. and hoover her own room her in halls the same as her sisters did when they were at uni, The cleaners were only responsible for the hallway and Kitchen but that was just general cleaning no washing up and only once a week.

PurplePotato Sun 11-Jan-15 21:31:00

Thanks Kez - yes, I think he should speak to someone. Apparently there is supposed to be a hoover somewhere in the halls they can borrow if they ever want to hoover their own rooms between cleaning, but no-one knows where it is. Another issue is that they're self catering, in a large house/halls which sleeps 64, and has 6 small kitchens but only one working oven!) It makes me realise how spoilt I was with my student accommodation many many years ago.

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