How did you deal with dropping them off at Uni for first time ?

[snowyowl70]

As the reality hits home that DD1 will probably be off to Uni next year I have started to dread the "drop off" already :( Watching "Freshers" this week hasn't helped as I don't want to be one of the wailing parents ! But she is likely to be a 4 hour drive away so I won't want to just drop off the boxes and turn around and drive back. How did you deal with moving in day ? Also she has much younger sister (8) who will want to come with us and they are very close so she would be bound to get upset - but is it better to take her so she can picture where her big sister has gone ? I know I am worrying way too soon but any tips that might put my mind at rest would be appreciated !

[prettydaisies]

When I went to university, it was a good 6 hours away from home. I also had a younger brother who was 8 at the time. Mum took me on a school day, so he went to school as usual. She dropped me off and then went. I was glad she didn't hang around as I was able to meet the other people who were going to be living on my corridor. She stayed in the city overnight and drove back the next day. They did all come to visit later in the term.

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

I would take your younger daughter so she can see where her sister will be. I can't tell you what you should do but I can speak about my own experience.

I was tearful before the journey and tearful after but the journey itself nd the drop off were ok. We listened to stuff we enjoyed in the car and it was so busy when we got there that there wasn't time for tears. There were a couple of parentswith hankies but no one sobbing. We took the younger sibling but he is 12.

Personally I found packing the car hardest and DH and I did haave cry before we joined the boys in the car. And coming home to his empty room was horrendous so I kept the door shut for a while.

It is hard but it gets easier - honestly. And if you have a weep, so what. You're only humaan after all.

You will be fine in the end.

[SatinSandals]

I think that you will find it better than you fear because it is mixed emotions and exciting at the same time. We took the primary school aged siblings and did something nice on the way back.

[mumeeee]

DH and I took our youngest DD to uni about a month ago. It was a 4 hour drive so we stayed over night in a hotel. We spent sometime with DD on the Saturday ,sorting out some stuff and had a late lunch together, DH and I then went off to our hotel and left DD to get to know her flatmates and go to the first Fresher's event, She had to enrol on the Sunday so we met up again and had lunch together and bought some bits and pieces she needed, We then went back to halls with her for a short time and left around 4pm. She was happy chatting to her new flatmates when we left. She had asked us to stay for the weekend.
I felt very tearful at first and missed her a lot but am now getting used to it.
Have a look at the empty nest support thread on here there are a lot of us with DC's just starting uni.

[snowyowl70]

Thanks everyone - sure it will be better than I am imagining ! Sounds like the consensus is take little one with us - we will then have difficulty persuading DS1 (16) to stay at home as I don't think we can get all 3 of them in the car and all of her belongings !!

[creamteas]

My advice would be to make the drop off short and sweet. Unload the car and leave them to make friends rather than hanging around.

Freshers regularly complain to me that they lost out on first social events because their parents wouldn't leave..........

[LondonMother]

If she gets a place in university/college accommodation you'll be given a date and often a time as well for moving in (scheduled to stagger the traffic up and down the stairs/in the lifts and corridors as well as keep the parked cars to a manageable number). For obvious reasons these dates usually seem to be at the weekends, which helps. It'll be fine. The terms are so short that they are home almost before you've got used to them being away! Good luck to her with her applications and exams.

[mumeeee]

We only stayed overnight when we dropped DD3 as it was a long way to drive there and back in a day. She also asked her to but we left her to it on Saturday evening so she could get to the Fresher's event with her flatmates, When we took DD2 to uni we had look round the town bought some food and stuff she needed and had lunch together. We then left her to it. DD1 went to uni in our town so didn't need to hang around. Her halls were 5 minutes drive from us and she could move in over a couple of days.

[mumeeee]

We only stayed overnight when we dropped DD3 as it was a long way to drive there and back in a day. She also asked her to but we left her to it on Saturday evening so she could get to the Fresher's event with her flatmates, When we took DD2 to uni we had look round the town bought some food and stuff she needed and had lunch together. We then left her to it. DD1 went to uni in our town so didn't need to hang around. Her halls were 5 minutes drive from us and she could move in over a couple of days.

[dementedma]

It is actually really chaotic with hundreds of cars, nervous teens and over-hysterical parents. I took dd this year, dumped all the stuff and left her to it. I accept it might be different if very far from home but think its easier all round just to drop them and go.
When I went - a million years ago - mum didn't have a car so I just packed some stuff in a rucksack.sent a trunk by courier and went on my own on the train. Changed days now.
Please don't start stressing already...but DO start putting some extra cash away if you can. Believe me you are going to need it!

[whitecloud]

It depends on how the university organises arrival times and, of course, how far away the uni is. We had to stay overnight.

If everyone arrives at once, there won't be time or room for the parents to hang around and if everyone is new together, then they will get chatting easily. IME, when the uni has staggered everyone's arrival times, you can get to the hall and find a lot of shut doors because some people have already moved in. We took our dd for lunch and did some food shopping after she had unpacked some of her stuff. Then we went back to the halls and she met a few people. We then left. I think we were around longer because there weren't very many people moving in at the time. You have to be guided by your dc as well. If they need you to stay you do, but you have to go by the time there are any freshers events because you don't want them to miss out on meeting people.

I found going and leaving her alone very hard. Good advice to do something nice on the way home if you have a longish journey. One month on we have all survived!

[Shootingatpigeons]

When my DD1 started we were both in tears all morning and kept having to postpone setting off, when we did finally get there as we walked into her flat someone from one of our favourite reality shows walked out of the room next door. (one we had enjoyed taking the p out of.) We didn't actually realise who it was until we got into her room, we were trying to work out where we knew them from. When we realised we fell about laughing. So at least she knew, rather a lot, about one flatmates friend It was a merciful release and after that we just got on with putting her kitchen stuff away etc. I left with her sat in the kitchen making friends with her flatmates, still her flatmates, four years later. It was nice because over thirty years earlier my Dad had left me in the kitchen chatting to my flatmates and they are still among my closest friends. I thought it would be unlikely the same thing would happen again, but it has.

DD2 goes next year as well but she has been desperate to go for four years, has been and stayed with big sis for a week in the summer. It will be less a leap in the dark, I hope.......

[Portlligat]

Gosh snowyowl70 you're starting early! Having just sent DD1 off my advice would be not to imagine any situation before you get there as whatever you haven't thought of will happen.

Another girl had already moved in and came and introduced herself whilst we were sitting on the bed chatting just after we'd finished lugging the last box from the car.

And she stayed.

And she never left.


We even did several "well, we'd better be off soon," sort of comments and she still didn't leave.

So we all had to say goodbye in front of this girl (who, surprise surprise, is now the subject of the thread I started earlier today) so there were no tears or any feelings at all - just flat nothingness.

Don't expect anything snowyowl70 - take it as it happens. It's a special day. Most parents I know went back the following weekend (distance permitting) to take stuff that was needed for the kitchen, etc. Good luck!

[mumblechum1]

WE dropped and ran. DS made it crystal clear that he didn't want any help with unpacking or anything so we literally dumped a load of boxes inhis room, he said "thanks for looking after me for 19 years" and we left, but stayed in a nice spa hotel a few miles from the Uni as it's a 4 hour drive.

I think it depends on the child tbh, ds has always been more mature and independent than his peers so was very happy for us to leave him to it and start making friends with his flat mates immediately.

[ISingSoprano]

We kept it short and sweet too. Ds is only 20 miles from home so we didn't have a long car journey but we agreed a strategy for the day. His moving in time was 1-2pm so we went to the supermarket on the way.

When we arrived he had to check in and there were loads of student 'porters' to help carry baggage to rooms. Once all his stuff was in his room I made his bed (new bedding, took packaging away) and emptied a suitcase and a couple of the boxes onto his bed so we could bring them home and then left. That process took about 30 mins max.!

As someone else said, the worst bit for me was loading the car at home.

[LittleSiouxieSue]

Mine have been to boarding school so we just got on with it. You don't get all day to park and unload anyway. We have never cried over going to school or university. Any of us. We have packed the car umpteen times and we just see it as a normal part of life. They are not going to Australia!!! It is important for them to move on and make friends without worrying about crying parents. It never occurred to me to worry about it beforehand. I knew my children would be fine and so would I.

[Shootingatpigeons]

Littlesiouxie my DD actually has travelled to Australia on her own! and to spend a month in a Beijing Mandarin speaking school where she didn't know anyone. We were expats, she thinks nothing of getting on a plane on her own to travel the world to see friends or study.

They are all different aren't they? For her it was the end of an era. We are close. She was off to study a very demanding and competitive course, which she had worked extremely hard to get on, and has a high attrition rate? So she was apprehensive, realised things would never be quite the same and had a bit of a weep, before we left. I love her more for it. . That she would get on and make friends was never an issue since she has done it again and again, with all cultures, since she was 7, and of course I didn't cry as I helped her unload.

They are of course back before you know it but for us it is a bit of an emotional roller coaster of loving her being home and missing her when she goes back, she is in her fourth year now. I suppose we are guilty of having left our stiff upper lip in the taxi to Heathrow when we first moved to the other side of the world 15 years ago As I say we are all different.

[mumeeee]

Yes we are all different. DD3 is our youngest and 3rd daughter to go to uni. We have done it slightly differently with each one. DD1 was at uni in our home town and her halls were only 5 minutes drive away so didn't do a lot of hanging around as we could do stuff gradually. I actually think if your DC are going some distance away it"s important to spend some time with them and not just drop and run. As I said before we did give DD3 some space. to get on with getting to know het flatmates and going to the first Fresher's event. Moving in weekend was well organised at her halls in Bolton and there was plenty of parking space. A lot of parents were spending time with there DC before leaving. I didn't cry until after we had left her.