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I am putting way too much pressure on myself to get a first

(54 Posts)
PippiLongBottom Mon 03-Oct-11 22:50:52

So don't say it doesn't matter, and no-one asks what classification you got, it does matter and yes they do.

I neex to beat DH who got 69 and never got over it and has a massive chip about it. I need to prove to lots of people that I am clever and worthy. But mainly to myself.

I got a first in my first year (which doesn't fucking count) but obviously this year is harder and my reading list is heavy (English lit). I do my degree full time and work 16 hours a week. I have 3 kids 9, 4, 2 who don't sleep through.

I am beginning to feel very stressed and am
eyeing up the razor blades.

Please sort me out.

PippiLongBottom Mon 03-Oct-11 22:52:01

Spelling mistakes are the fault of my iPhone and it's inability to allow one to proof read.

said Mon 03-Oct-11 22:56:41

How old are you? Genuine question not a "Grow up" flippant comment

PippiLongBottom Mon 03-Oct-11 22:57:07


said Mon 03-Oct-11 23:00:44

What are you studying for? What's the long-term point of it?

Jaquelinehyde Mon 03-Oct-11 23:01:00

Hi you have to stop thinking about it!

I have just finished my degree and missed out on a first by 2% which I am gutted about.

In my first and second year I averaged a first, obviously the first year didn't count and the second year for us was only worth 25% so it was literally all or nothing in the final year.

On the plus side though my dissertation was an 80% first and I am in the process of getting it published grin

I don't blame your dh for having a chip on his shoulder about it. It is gutting when you work so, so hard and miss out by such a tiny margin.

I make myself feel better by telling myself, in the last year I have got married, had a serious operation and been bringing up 3 dc's age 6, 5 and 4. So who the fuck cares about 2%, it makes no difference to my masters and once I have that nobody really does care about degree classification.

Relax, stop thinking about it and enjoy your studies, that will be the best way to improve chances of a first.

PippiLongBottom Mon 03-Oct-11 23:01:26

Why do you ask? Surely it's obvious I am 'grown up' very few of my course mates give a fuck. They are only concerned about getting 40.

PippiLongBottom Mon 03-Oct-11 23:02:27

English literature, like I said in my OP. I want to teach English at high school.

said Mon 03-Oct-11 23:06:44

I'm just curious about people who are competitive about studying. No-one does ask though. No, sorry, I know one person who is obsessed about this type of thing and he is a complete knob.

PippiLongBottom Mon 03-Oct-11 23:07:31

Maybe I am too. Is that what you're suggesting? Cheers.

Jaquelinehyde Mon 03-Oct-11 23:09:22

I agree said I was gutted with missing the first because I knew I could do better. I couldn't give a toss what anyone else thought and I could never imagine being in competition with my husband over it confused

PippiLongBottom Mon 03-Oct-11 23:10:15

I'm not going into details about why I am 'competing' but they go very deep and are a whole other thread.

said Mon 03-Oct-11 23:16:06

I've no idea whether or not you're a knob but you sound a tad aggressive so I'll dip out. I'd be upset if just missed out by a few per cent too jaqueline. People who know you OP won't think you're cleverer though than they already think, just determined/hard-working?

aleene Mon 03-Oct-11 23:17:20

its only october. You have a huge stretch to go until the end of the academic year. You do need to lighten up about this as you will drive yourself crazy.
Perhaps get some hints about studying effectively (start a thread or search old ones) but try not to obsess about the end goal. Break it down into manageable chunks.

Have you considered a way of relaxing yourself? meditating, massage, yoga etc.

I did get a first by the way. But it means practically nothing now! It matters very little and if I hadn't have got one, I doubt I would care a jot about that now!

PippiLongBottom Mon 03-Oct-11 23:25:39

Maybe without the accompanying 19 years of history, I do sound like a competitive, aggressive, knob. But it's not like that in RL. I have so many ishooos tied up in this, but I am becoming bitter and twisted and jealous.

I am starting to fear for my sanity TBH. Sorry, I am a touch dramatic too. <understatement>

TheFallenMadonna Mon 03-Oct-11 23:26:25

OK. A first is not necessary for teaching. A 2:1 probably would be for English.

But - I know exactly how you feel. I did a "fun" degree while I was a SAHM (so without all the extra pressure you have, although I did have a baby and a toddler). I didn't need a first. I didn't need the degree at all (already had one in another subject, and was taking a career break rather than re training). But God, I wanted a first.

I think only DH knew how much it meant to me, and I hope I didn't come over as a knob. It wasn't a competition. It was all about me. Does that make it better or worse?!

PippiLongBottom Mon 03-Oct-11 23:28:51


said Mon 03-Oct-11 23:35:07

Jealousy only harms you <said patronisingly>

OP - I do understand wanting to prove yourself. Honestly, I do. I'm a classic underachiever and it does rankle that, on paper, I don't reflect what I was told I ought to be grin But you need to enjoy what you're doing as well, surely? I am envious of people who are driven though.

notlettingthefearshow Mon 03-Oct-11 23:39:15

I think it's great that you're doing so well with all the other commitments in your life. All credit to you!

Whether you get a first or 2:1, I think future employers will be very impressed with your dedication and success. You would be a popular candidate for a teaching job with your maturity and life achievements, notwithstanding your degree classification.

I also think that even if no one knows what % you got, the difference comes from you knowing how well you've done and will make you feel proud and confident. So a high 2:1 will mean a lot to you.

Some individuals eally thrive with a bit of pressure and you obviously put the pressure on yourself to do as well as you can. Good on you for realising your potential.

PippiLongBottom Mon 03-Oct-11 23:40:59

I will try to remember that, it is very true. I seem to be eaten up with it at the moment.

I work so hard, I am ubergeek, I spend hours reading, researching and secondary reading a week. I love every millisecond of it. I don't want to look back with one second of regret that I could have tried harder.

KatharineClifton Mon 03-Oct-11 23:42:54

If you averaged a first last year you can do the same again this year, and you should aim for that. Obviously you timetabled your life effectively last year, is anything different this year?

said Mon 03-Oct-11 23:45:30

Then you can't do any more can you? Cut yourself some slack. Enjoying it is really key and you will be absolutely fine.

Jaquelinehyde Mon 03-Oct-11 23:51:13

You must relax as I said in my first post.

A word of warning a good friend of mine - mature student, couple of children averaging a bordeline first coming into her final year. English lit wanting to go on to the secondary pgce.

Studied hard, read loads, loved it. She put so much pressure on herself in her final year, particularly with her dissertation that she failed one of her final assignments so got the basic 40% and ended up with a 2:2 and no place on the pgce.

This was all because she got so caught up in making sure she got the classification she wanted and forgot to just get on and enjoy what she was doing.


PippiLongBottom Mon 03-Oct-11 23:51:53

Just my modules have got harder (naturally) and my reading list heavier. My kids are also naughtier. But I do have a day off this semester.

KatharineClifton Tue 04-Oct-11 00:00:03

Good luck! You can do it!

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