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so disappointed

(13 Posts)
waitofevidence Wed 17-Aug-11 00:25:47

I have been reading the other thread about anxious mums waiting for A level results. As we are in Scotland the anxiety, for me, has given way to disappointment. DS only got BBCC in his highers which means he won't be able to go to a good university and do a decent course.

He has no idea what he wants to do instead. DH and I went to uni and sort of expected him to do the same so this is a huge blow to our hopes for him. These days I fear he will now struggle to get a reasonable job and all that that entails. I am so sad about this although trying not to let him know. Has anyone got any positive experiences to share that might counter the gloom?

Changebagsandgladrags Wed 17-Aug-11 08:53:51

BBCC are still good grades, what was he hoping to do and where?

Could he go back and resit if he has his heart set on a particular university or course?

gingeroots Wed 17-Aug-11 09:10:57

Not able to offer positive experiences ( maybe in a few years ??? ) but if it's any comfort there are others of us out there with DC's who've not done well .
I too have been reading the A level anxiety thread and wishing I was part of a club rather than alone on the sidelines with a DC who dropped out of his A2 studies in April .
Was wondering about starting a thread on Teenagers asking for drop out experiences .

I'm not familiar with the Scottish system - are BBCC so bad ,even if lower than you'd hoped for ?
Could it mean that your DC will get a place on a less prestigious degree course but one which is more suited to his motivation/skills/personality ?

I really believe that success in the real world will owe much more to motivation,staying power ,common sense etc than which uni you went to - unless I suppose you're aiming for a high flying profession .

Sadly no sign of motivation,staying power etc from DC yet . I've pretty much given up hoping to see it ,but must tell myself he's young and just as much in need of encouragement and support than those DC's who might just slip a grade . ( Not meaning to belittle their stress - I know they will be bitterly disapointed and it will be unfair because they've worked hard . It's the working hard bit that I envy them and their parents for . )

Not much help I know ,but I expect your DC is feeling awful now ( even if not showing it ) just like you .
You'll probably look back in a few years knowing that it's all worked out for the best .

OddBoots Wed 17-Aug-11 09:22:21

If it is a Scottish uni he wants then can he re-take his Highers and apply next year?

mustdash Wed 17-Aug-11 09:33:04

I got BBCC almost 30 years ago, and so couldn't get on to the degree I wanted to do. My parents "forced" me to go on to a lesser course at a different uni, and I ended up dropping out in 3rd year, completely miserable, and determined not to work in the field they had wanted me to get a job in.

After a fairly successful career, in an industry which valued creativity, ideas and hard work over degree (thankfully), I'm now a SAHM. I've just finished my first year of OU study - in the area I wanted to study in the first place with a 2:1 equivalent grade. I never achieved grades like that during conventional study.

My point is, what is important is what he wants to do, not where he goes at the end of 6th year (or fifth!). You do have to pay to study with the OU, even in Scotland (though not as much as in England), but he can work, or if you can afford it, do it at the same time as voluntary work in the sector he is interested in.

Or, indeed as Oddboots says. Sit them again next year, or do a couple of different ones as well.

Good luck.

AgentProvocateur Wed 17-Aug-11 09:38:30

There's another thread on the go by a mum whose son's higher results weren't as good as she'd hoped. I'm on my phone and can't link, but it was posted around the date (4th aug?) when the results came out. There were lots of good ideas on it.

BBCC is still a respectable set of results, and he can do more highers next year. What was he planning to do at uni!

DamselInDisarray Wed 17-Aug-11 09:44:16

Can he not stay on and do some advanced highers? Or go to college and do an access course, or some other kind of course? He'll be able to get into a good university with more qualifications. There's always the OU too (and he can often use OU courses/credit transfer to apply for traditional university in the future if that's what he decides he wants to do.

lostlady Wed 17-Aug-11 09:48:28

My ss decided not to go to uni- we were disappointed, but he did go out and get himself a job in a bank, which he seems happy with. There do appear to be sone jobs out there, despite what says in the media. We are in Scotland too. Suppose main thing is if they are happy and doing something constructive. We did also say he had to support himself if no uni, so think that did focus his mind....

NervousAboutTheParty Wed 17-Aug-11 09:54:18

Speaking as someone who performed shockingly badly in her A levels after straight As in GCSEs I can promise that it is not the end of the world, however it certainly felt like it at the time.
I signed up to re-sit 1 A level and do a totally new one in a year at a local college I had not previously attended, but I ended up finding a course at a non-red brick uni as I was desperate to leave home like my friends.
I ended up doing a course I would never have done, loved it, got top grades in my first year and a decent degree and met my future husband. We both have very good careers and a fabulous life.
I appreciate that this was nearly 20 years ago but I promise everything will be ok as long as you look at this as a hiccup. I have never allowed myself to 'fail' again so I learnt my lesson!
Just thank your lucky stars you were not my mum I failed my a levels and a couple of weeks later my brother failed his GCSEs (or maybe he got his results first, I can not remember all that I can remember was the sad look on my poor mum's face).
I wish you and your son lots of luck in the choices you have ahead of you. If he is hard working and determined he will be just fine.

AMumInScotland Wed 17-Aug-11 10:39:26

Did he choose a university and course because it really interested him, or as a sort of default option because it was the obvious thing to do?

There are university courses out there if thats what he wants, though he'll have to put the effort into finding them through Clearing. But if he just drifted into uni and has no real plans, then its trickier.

Was he S5 or S6? The other recent thread was about an S6 so he had no choice of staying on at school. If he's S5 I'd say carry on at school for another year - he should be able to get advice from his teachers whether he's better off redoing some of the same subjects, or picking new ones. Hopefully he could then get into his choice of course in a year's time.

If he's already S6 then the choices really are Clearing, a vocational college course (but he'd need an idea what hed like to do), college for more Highers or an Access course, or getting a job.

If he thinks an academic route is right for him, I'd say get more Highers or an access course. If he's not that sure, maybe a job for a year would do him more good - it will help him undersatnd what the world of work is like and how he can progress just getting useful experience.

rubyrubyruby Wed 17-Aug-11 10:47:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits Wed 17-Aug-11 11:01:17

I'm sure that it will work out for the best-getting there is only the start and he needs a lot of self motivation to do the work or he could end up thousands poorer without a good degree. Did he actually want to go-or was it just expected? I don't see a lot of point in going unless it is leading to a job e.g. vet or they are highly academic.
I would get him some good carrer advice.

waitofevidence Wed 17-Aug-11 20:56:47

You are a lovely bunch of people on here, thanks for the ideas and sensible perspectives. It is reassuring to hear that success can be achieved in different ways and of course a degree is no guarantee. I suppose the prominent successful people who didn't go to uni often (not always, I know) have money or connections or incredible wit/determination. DS has none of these!

He has mentioned both business management and journalism but these are both asking for at least BBBB in the newer universities (ex colleges). He has gone back to do three more highers in sixth year but I'm not convinced he'll do much better ( like gingeroots' DS not a lot of motivation or staying power in evidence either!).
They seem to be asking for these grades at first sitting so I don't know if resitting or getting similar grades this year will be of much use.

Fingers crossed that he stumbles across a path that fires him up. If only there was a job that involved regular Xbox playing and making up keyboard tunes!

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