Children today are experiencing worse childhoods than their parents or grandparents – that's the message from leading children’s charity Action for Children. To mark its 150th birthday this week the charity surveyed children, parents and grandparents – and all three generations believe childhoods are getting worse.
One of the reasons behind this growing crisis for our children is the unprecedented social pressures they face – including the need to ‘fit in’ and how they feel about the way they look. Four in 10 children admit to worrying about their body image and almost 60% of girls wish there was less pressure around their appearance.
Here Action for Children’s mental health support worker Kirstie Donaghey reveals some of the issues she sees in schools every day.
‘Modern culture is affecting children in ways previous generations haven’t had to deal with. Over a quarter of young people (29%) are worried about their own mental health as the world we live in bombards us with adverts and articles about things that will ‘make us better'. TV, papers, magazines and most of all social media, are sending out a clear message to all of us that we should be prettier, thinner, more toned, have a flatter tummy, thicker hair, longer eyelashes. The list is never-ending and contributing to a generation of children buckling under the weight of social pressures.
I’m a practitioner for a mental wellbeing programme called The Blues. As a team we go into secondary schools and undertake a six-week programme with those teens that have identified as needing extra help with their mental health. We give them tools and tips to help them deal with issues from anxiety, to school pressures and, to a heartbreakingly large number, their struggles with their body image. So often we hear the same phrase repeated over and over again - ‘I’m not good enough’. They seem to have an expectation of themselves and of their peers to look a certain way which just wasn’t there for their parents and grandparents. We know that two-thirds of parents (60%) and grandparents (62%) feel that childhoods today are worse with many telling us that they felt that there is too much pressure to look a certain way and fit in, blaming this particularly on social media.
If we stop for a break in our sessions and hand out drinks and snacks we often get children (mostly young girls) who will say ‘No thanks, I’m on a diet.’ This has such a negative impact that they start to believe eating one piece of chocolate or cake makes them ‘bad’.
And I do think that generally there is more pressure on girls than on boys. Girls are bombarded with ads for beauty products, fashion lines and music videos that are all aimed at girls rather than boys. Although young men are under pressure too, they can find it more difficult to talk about their body image and looks.
Half of the young people we spoke to for our survey felt that less pressure around their physical appearance would result in a better childhood for them. This negativity can have a detrimental impact over time on a teen’s mood, self-esteem and how they perceive themselves. They may become withdrawn and isolated, stop doing hobbies they once enjoyed and their behaviour at home and at school can be affected.
As a parent, you know your child best and there will be signs that your child is worrying about the way they look. Keep an eye on their eating habits - whether it is them restricting what they eat or if they are eating too much. Are they constantly comparing themselves to others or spending excessive time looking in the mirror? Over-exercising or wearing clothes that are too big or baggy are also warning signs. In really extreme circumstances some children can also self-harm.
So what can you do if you see these red flags? Relationships at home can change in these circumstances and, although it can be difficult for some parents or carers to understand the pressures young people are under, it is so important to talk. If you think your child is worrying about the way they look, try to explore with them why. Giving them the opportunity to talk about their feelings will help your child feel better about the situation. When they do open up to you, listen without judgement and they’ll be more likely to trust and reach out to you again.
And remember that children learn from copying the world around them - whatever age they are. Lead by example and try not to judge yourself, or others. Encourage healthy eating and regular exercise - both vital for our physical and mental wellbeing. And if you’re really worried then don’t hesitate to make an appointment to see your GP who will be able to talk you through ways they can help.'
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