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Guest post: "I shouldn't have to change my son on toilet floors"

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 04/01/2017 15:55

Toilets aren't often considered news. Most people just – go. But when Paralympian Anne Wafula Strike shared her story of being forced to wet herself on a train, she drew attention to the fact that, for many people, going to the toilet isn't as simple as it should be.

Wafula Strike was on a three-hour train journey where there was no accessible toilet available. She was left to urinate where she sat: humiliated and stripped of her dignity. This is unacceptable. Going to the toilet is a basic human right – for everybody.

My family know all too well how often this right is denied, which is why I campaign for fully accessible toilets, better known as Changing Places.

Imagine this. Your child is incontinent due to their disabilities, and as a result they wear nappies. Where do you change them when you go out? Baby changing tables are fine when they're little - but what happens when they get too big? And, in the future, how will they cope as incontinent adults? What happens if they are able to use a toilet, but can't physically manoeuvre themselves on to one?

In 2017, this is what happens:

You have to leave where you are with your loved one – an event, a shopping trip, a day out to the seaside, even hospitals - and take them home in the car, while they sit in their own urine or faeces.

You have to change them in your cold uncomfortable car boot in front of passers-by.

You have to change them on the toilet floor, home to tens of thousands of germs, if they can't weight-bear to be changed standing up.

This is my reality, and the reality of thousands of others in the UK. My son Brody is nearly five years old. Primarily undiagnosed, he has severe learning difficulties, autism, epilepsy and physical disabilities that mean he cannot walk distances and can easily fall over. He is in nappies 24/7 and we don't know if this will ever change.

But this situation we find ourselves in – the huge lack of truly accessible toilets, ones that cater for ALL disabilities – this has to change.

At the moment, the Equality Act doesn't protect Brody and other disabled people like him because providing the kind of accessible facilities they require isn't seen as a 'reasonable adjustment'. But is it reasonable that I have to change my son in car boots or on toilet floors?

I don't even like touching the flush in most public toilets. And I definitely hang my bag on the hook provided on the back of toilet doors. It's good that our bags are thought of though, isn't it?

Of course, it isn't practical to have a Changing Places toilet in every local café. But if there were no public toilets available in shopping centres, supermarkets, leisure centres, hospitals, the world would take notice. If someone took away all of the baby changing stations in public toilets there would be national outcry. Still, the needs of disabled people are ignored, because they are the needs of the few, not the many.

There's a saying that goes "the disabled population is the world's largest minority of which anyone can become a part at any time". It's worth remembering this. This problem might not affect you or anyone you love today. But tomorrow it could. It could affect you, your child, your parents or your friends. And trust me - it's not a pleasant situation to be in.

So, next time you see an 'accessible toilet', ask yourself whether it really is accessible for everyone.

Next time you use a public toilet, look at the floor and imagine having to lay your child on it.

Next time you open your car boot, imagine trying to find the space to comfortably and discreetly change your child there – without the world watching.

Next time you're on a family day out, imagine there are no toilets for your children to use.

Ignorance is bliss. The reality is not. My son deserves respect, dignity and inclusion. He deserves the same rights as other children. He is different. Not less.

Changing Places toilets provide a larger space for a disabled person and their carer(s). An adult sized changing bench, a peninsular toilet and a hoist. You can find out more about them here. You can also help by signing this petition.

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hazeyjane · 04/01/2017 16:14

Thankyou for this post. My son is 6 and a half, and like your son he is undiagnosed. He has very limited expressive speech, sensory issues, mobility problems and complex health issues. He is in nappies and as he has problems with his bowels, it is necessary to change him lying down. Changing when out is a nightmare - if there is a disabled toilet available they are not usually fit for purpose - a changing table suitable for a baby but useless for an older child or adult (they are not even suitable for a parent in a wheelchair to change their baby) The floor is often filthy and wet, I carry around a cut down picnic rug, and a cloth nappy insert (along with wipes, nappies, cleansing foam, happy bags and cream!) for ds to lie on. Sometimes there is no disabled toilet and we have to squeeze in to a normal cubicle, ds has his head pressed against the toilet, visible under the cubicle door, and if someone uses the hand dryer, he goes into a complete sensory meltdown.

No wonder ds is scared of toilets.

Finding a changing places toilet is such a huge relief - it really does make an enormous difference.

Along with signing the petition, I urge people to write or email attractions, museums, supermarkets, shopping centres, services and hospitals (you would think, with the amount of time ds spends in hospitals, that there would be at least one changing place toilet!) When we go to an attraction I often photograph the floor where I have had to change ds - then emailed this to them, along with information about changing places.