MumsnetGuestPosts (MNHQ) Thu 11-Feb-16 16:24:20

Guest post: "I've been single for four years - this Valentine's Day, I refuse to settle"

After a run of bad dates and a stint of online dating, Kate Sutton says she has finally realised her self-worth

Kate Sutton

WitWitWoo

Posted on: Thu 11-Feb-16 16:24:20

(57 comments )

Lead photo

"Never again will I put something off just because I'm single."

This time last year I went to Paris. I'd always wanted to visit, but I'd been holding out for someone – boyfriend, husband – to whisk me away. Of course, it never happened.

Then I reached 44 and thought 'sod it, what am I waiting for?' So I went for the day with a good friend and it couldn't have been more perfect. We walked along the Seine, ate pastries the size of our heads and drank coffee and beer outside every café we could find. Never again will I put something off just because I'm single.

Valentine's Day can feel like a large-scale commercial pity party if you're not in a relationship, but the perks of single life aren't to be sniffed at. You can wax your moustache in bed while watching Friends without fear of judgement. You can stock the fridge with bars of Galaxy and bottles of Pinot – and know you’ll be the only one getting your hands on them, and you can dance naked to Beyoncé in front of your bedroom mirror without anyone laughing at you.

Of course, single life isn't all plain sailing, especially when you embark on the murky waters of online dating. My last date was with a man who showed up wearing an interesting combat trouser/jeans hybrid. Suffice to say I haven't seen him since.

The perks of single life aren't to be sniffed at. You can wax your moustache in bed while watching Friends. You can stock the fridge with bars of Galaxy and bottles of Pinot – and know you'll be the only one getting your hands on them.


But it could have been worse. I remember the time one date turned up with a shark tooth dangling from his neck, or the man who asked my friend to tape Match of the Day for him so he could watch it before they went out before their first date.

I've been sent photos of hairy men in baths, I'm pretty sure one guy kept going to the toilet to sniff something he shouldn't have been sniffing, and if I had a pound for every dick pic I've been sent, I'd have… about £26.89.

And then there were the men I didn't even get round to dating:

1) The one wearing black shirt and turquoise tie
Not even David Beckham can carry off that look.

2) The one with a pierced eyebrow
I'm all for personal expression - as long as you don't end up looking like a twat. Maybe you can get away with it when you're in your 20s (maybe), but in your 40s? Not so much.

3) The one with a dresser full of plates behind him
Being a plate collector isn't sexy.

4) The one with a goatee a la David Brent
You know the goatees that look like they're just drawn on with a biro? That.

5) The one who posed with a skeleton

6) The one wearing red lipstick
I'm sure there's a perfectly plausible story behind this. But trust me, it's not a great way to sell yourself to a woman.

7) The one called Linus
I just can't imagine ever being able to bring myself to cry out, "Linus! HarderLinus!" in the throes of passion, were it ever to get that far. Which it won't. Because he's called Linus.

At the ripe old age of 45, perhaps online dating just isn't for me any more. I've been single for four years now and I'm tired of the games played and the lies told. My time is precious and it's taken me years to realise my self-worth and I refuse to settle. Plus I can't afford to shell out £30 a month.

So what now? In July I'm going on a walking holiday to the Derbyshire Dales to find buns of steel and a sexy new husband. I suspect all I'll come back with is a major case of thigh chafing, but it's worth a shot.

By Kate Sutton

Twitter: @IAmWitWitWoo

Cabrinha Sun 14-Feb-16 11:46:13

When oh when are we going to stop trumpeting to other women that the pinnacle of freedom and luxury is a fucking Galaxy bar and a bottle of fucking Pinot?

You know what?

SOME WOMEN HAVE MORE IN THEIR LIVES AND MORE TO THEIR PERSONALITIES THAN CHOCOLATE AND WINE

Dull, stereotypical, embarrassing.

I suspect women who aren't obsessed with wine and chocolate have more luck with dating.

MadeMan Sun 14-Feb-16 12:17:54

"When oh when are we going to stop trumpeting to other women that the pinnacle of freedom and luxury is a fucking Galaxy bar and a bottle of fucking Pinot?"

I thought women only ate Galaxy bars when they needed some time out from life to lounge around in pastel pyjamas and write nice things in their diary's? A bit like when women eat a Flake so they can sit on a windowsill and gaze wistfully out the window.

Grrr, those damn marketeers have been lying to me!

Curviest Sun 14-Feb-16 12:53:01

Arranging to meet a man I met online ... he said I'd recognise him because he'd be in a red mini. I thought - "Oh no, he's a tranny!" but being PC I still went ahead with the date.

He turned up driving a scarlet Mini Cooper.

MadeMan Sun 14-Feb-16 13:52:45

"He turned up driving a scarlet Mini Cooper."

And blasting out Sister Sledge from the stereo?

MadeMan Sun 14-Feb-16 13:54:54

I had no idea Mini Coopers were tranny magnets.

noblegiraffe Sun 14-Feb-16 14:01:04

The OP is all a bit Bridget Jones isn't it? Sitting around eating chocolate and hoping some suitably handsome and rich guy will spot your inner beauty.

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ravenmum Sun 14-Feb-16 14:12:25

I ate more chocolate and drank more wine when I was with my ex.

Cabrinha Sun 14-Feb-16 14:28:07

MadeMan I think we also buy Galaxy when we're been dumped or when we have ouf period.
Like, as one, as a half a species - we all do it. FFS.

SoozeyHoozey Sun 14-Feb-16 15:04:07

Maybe they would judge you for having unhealthy habits, shit taste in music and being hairy!

madwomanbackintheattic Sun 14-Feb-16 15:58:27

Erm. I don't get it. If she's been single for four years, she hasn't 'settled' for any of those Valentine's Days either, so what's so special about 'this' one?
Heading should have read 'just like the last four years, I am still making shallow vacuous decisions and hunting for a man. Same old, same old.'
It's anything BUT a hurrah for attacking a single life with gusto. Depressing vacuous shite.

TheScottishPlay Sun 14-Feb-16 16:01:06

I think I've clicked on a post from 1976.

Movingonmymind Sun 14-Feb-16 16:39:40

Well,full marks for self-promotion on the part of op, guest poster. But agree, her post here, at least (and on her website) doesn't strike me as witty in the least. More Cosmo circa 1992. Her tone is rather immature-single people don't hold the monopoly on tiring of Valentine's day commercialism, most people out of their 20s feel the same. Her travel interests are v narrow, uninsightful and boring, my Dc alone have travelled way more! And as for her shallow criteria in choosing men? She reminds me of a daft and v unrealistic friend who only wants to date public school educated men, I kid you not! Like they're a group unto themselves. and she's the grand old age of 52. And single. Ho hum. She'll probably get a book out of this thread plus tons of publicity so no harm done, op. Good luck but maybe you need to rebrand yourself.

Moobear14 Sun 14-Feb-16 18:59:48

If he collected Emma Bridgewater plates I would marry him

NameChanger22 Sun 14-Feb-16 19:13:38

Between the ages of 15 and 35 I was almost always in a relationship. For the last 7 years I've been single and not looking for a relationship. The last 7 years have been the happiest of my life. I have a lovely daughter and lovely friends and I'm never lonely. There are hardly any good men out there so women shouldn't beat themselves up if they don't find one. Being single is very, very underrated.

EmpressOfTheVulvaCupcakes Sun 14-Feb-16 19:49:23

I've been single for about 18 months now & it's utter heaven. Without a moustache or any particular interest in Galaxy or Pinot.

I have lovely friends & family too, plus it's the freedom to do what I want, when I want, if I want. I can't imagine ever wanting to be in a relationship again. She'd have to be someone I simply couldn't live without.

TeapotDictator Sun 14-Feb-16 21:27:54

Cabrinha Dull, stereotypical, embarrassing.

Totally agree. What a dud article. What is this, the 1980s?

Theendispie Mon 15-Feb-16 08:44:10

I don't drink wine and rarely eat chocolate unless it is something really decent like bernachon.

It is shocking stereotyping of women.

arfersixpence Mon 15-Feb-16 11:39:16

Wow, Kate Sutton... don't give up on dating because you've had a 'run of bad dates'. You haven't. Bad dates are ones where he's looking more at his phone than he is talking to you; or he treats the waiter like rubbish; or he receives a text from his wife during the date; or he is sobbing over his recent break up. What you've suffered from here is a run of Bad Thoughts About Other People and the only person responsible for those is you. Try giving someone a chance and looking past their unfortunate name. You might get lucky. In other comments: the best point here is that you've realised your life is NOW and you don't need to wait for Mr Perfect to live it. Enjoy!

Cabrinha Mon 15-Feb-16 12:31:18

I doubt 'Kate Sutton' has even had these experiences, it's just a semi fictional piece. There's more humour on the Dating thread on here!

Cabrinha Mon 15-Feb-16 12:40:04

I'm actually still trying to work out what this guest post is actually about.
Discovering self worth and not settling? And yet it ends saying she's off in a husband search in the Peaks in July. WTF?

The worst thing, to my mind, about this kind of uninsightful drossy lazy female stereotyping, is this idea of all the great things we can do when single... Which just perpetuates the HARMFUL myth that we should lose that stuff when we have a partner.

You know what? There are men out there who will laugh with you when you dance naked to Beyoncé, who will pass you the waxing strips and change the Friends DVD over for you, who'll stick sodding chocolate in the fridge for you.

Not settling, means not losing who you are when you have a partner. Because you really don't have to give up on being you.

noblegiraffe Mon 15-Feb-16 12:51:23

'I realised I didn't need to wait till I had a boyfriend before I could go camping....and also I might find a boyfriend while camping'.

Cabrinha Mon 15-Feb-16 13:04:27

Dear god, eye bleach but I looked at the blog. Like, the bit where she's waiting around hoping the combat jeans man will arrange the second date he suggested. Not quite the statement in the piece above that she wouldn't see him again.
The most interesting and funny bloggers (and there really aren't many) are AUTHENTIC.

MadeMan Mon 15-Feb-16 15:52:42

You could maybe put her in touch with that Windmill Man, Cabrinha. smile

Cabrinha Mon 15-Feb-16 16:02:52

Yes, it'd be hard to find something negative to say about him wink

SoozeyHoozey Tue 16-Feb-16 10:41:43

Ooh we get slated on her fb page, just read the comments grin

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